Another Hogwarts Mystery

Chapter 13 - The Winter Ball

The moment when you even feel lonely in a crowded room, full of people you love. When even your favourite dessert cannot make you taste the sweetness of life anymore. Then, your body is full of emptiness. Complete emptiness. This was exactly how Casandra felt. Hollowed out. In the first days after the break up, Casandra went to her – or their – hiding place quite often. Probably in the thought that Snape would come around, saying it was a mistake that he had let her go. The more time she had been there alone, being terribly reminded that Snape would not come, the more she felt devastated. It was as if all the hope was gone at once. The lucid truth flooded her like water a drowning ship. Casandra stood in the middle of the room, paralysed. Everything reminded her of Snape. It was as if his ghostly shadows – the memories of him – had stayed. Although it still looked the same, it felt differently. Snape took the happiness that flooded this place with warm and bright light – even when there was no light at all. He could even make the coldest night – that was only filled with cold moonlight – feel warm like a summer's day. He filled the room with a buzzing joyfulness that made this place shine bright like a diamond, spreading its magical coloured light everywhere. These memories made Casandra's skin tingle as if hundreds of ants were running underneath it in excitement. It made her face glow and thereby she could have lightened up the world on her own. Snape's scent, the odour of several potions mixed with the smell of fresh peppermint, used to fill the air and made her senses dance in a hypnotic tango. Dance till she trembled in his strong arms and touched his peachy soft skin. He made her insides give her a ticklish feeling as though thousands of butterflies were flying around inside of her stomach. Although she loved playing the piano and have Snape listening to her, his voice was her favourite piece of music. A beautiful melody like a marvellous symphony. It kept flying around her ears and put her brain into trance. When she forcefully jolted herself out of these devastating memories, her body was frozen. She could not move a limb as though she was stuck to the ground by a sticking-charm. The bond between the floor and me seemed to be stronger than the one between Severus and me has ever been, Casandra thought. The break-up had scratched every bit of illuminating happiness out of her. The shock of discovering Snape and Professor Handerson – although Casandra did not know for sure whether they actually had an affair – made her feel as though her heart skipped several beats. She was thunderstruck, still seeing her joyful and mocking expression as she passed Casandra by in Snape's office. It haunted Casandra. She saw it before she fell asleep and even dreamed of it. It was such a lucid memory. So lucid that it felt like an out knocking punch in the face. Slowly, Casandra sank to the ground, feeling something warm and liquid running down her face— no blood, but a waterfall of tears.

Casandra couldn't get up. The darkness had swallowed her. All the lights in the world could not brighten up my life again. Your haunting memory has sucked every happy emotion out of me, Severus, she thought, whilst laying motionless on the cold, stone floor. She had been sad before, but this feeling was different. This was no plain sadness. It was a breath-taking and cold absence of feeling. I am full of emptiness as if my body has been hollowed-out completely. My whole world has turned black, she thought before falling asleep because of exhaustion.

Several weeks had passed by. Potions class and Wizarding Literature were the worst. Casandra could hardly focus. She was too busy not to burst out into tears. Professor Handerson must have known what had happened and was going on, thought Casandra. She seemed to tease and provoke Casandra where she could, and picked on her on purpose. Especially when Casandra's mind was drifting away. Snape, however, seemed to be gentler with her. He – on the contrary – avoided her where he could. He didn't even come over to their desk to check their potions anymore, simply ignoring her. It seemed as if he had abandoned her completely—personally and educationally.

The worst thing, though, was that the Occlumency lessons with Dumbledore went completely awry. One time, Casandra was extremely lucky. She could close her mind in the nick of time, before Dumbledore would have become a witness of Snape and Casandra having sex in Snape's office. She was just too empty, too powerless to resist. The only thing Casandra managed to do was to keep Dumbledore from discovering her affair with Snape.