You'd never admit but, because it was not only embarrassing but also a little aggressive on your part. The fondness you felt for JJ started when you were much younger and only grew as you both got older. He was always the "class clown" in middle school and when you finally made it to high school, he kept his former title but added "hot" to the front of it. You always thought he was attractive, but puberty absolutely worked in his favor.
As your public education years passed, your eyes searched for him whenever you could and when he stopped taking part in public education altogether, you got sad and felt a strange sort of rejection.
The silly crush you'd had on JJ lasted until you decided to put a stop to it. Leaving the cut wasn't an option but finally deciding to get over your unrequited love absolutely was. Graduation would be the last time you thought of JJ Maybank.
"Grab a seat, you secret pogue!" Pope shouted, clearly intoxicated, as he motioned to the empty chair next to him.
"You've always been here but we know nothing about you, what's the deal?"
Pope's question had all of their eyes on you as you took a swig of your beer. This definitely wasn't your thing but you knew you should probably make some friends and this group seemed pretty decent.
*
"We do this thing on every birthday," John B spoke hesitantly, "I know you're new to our crew but we've adopted you so I think you have to do it."
JJ, Kiara, Pope and Sarah stifled giggles as John B retrieved a bottle of whiskey from the floor beside him. He also produced a shot glass from seemingly nowhere and set it in front of you.
"You have to take this shot, and take a dive immediately after."
"Seriously?"
You stared the shot down before turning your eyes to the murky waters of the marsh. Despite spending the past few months growing into a tried and true pogue and gaining a solid group of friends, you could never keep up with their drinking.
"You guys," your eyes surveyed the crew, "you know I'm bad at shots."
"You're also bad at beer," JJ teased, "wine too. Do it, fool. Take a shot, take a dive."
His blue eyes challenged your own and you knew you had to do it now. JJ wasn't going to win this one. You'd learned that he was a sore winner and you weren't willing to give him the satisfaction of being right.
"Fine, you fuckers, take a shot," the alcohol bit your throat as you threw back the whiskey, "take a dive."
You hit the water harder than intended. It was cold, and mixed with a heat of a shot of whiskey settling in your throat, uncomfortable. The bottom of the boat wasn't visible at your depth and you began to cough, not being able to deal with the aftermath of the water and whiskey cocktail.
Your vision began to get hazy as you coughed into the cold, trying desperately not to swallow any of it. Nothing helped, you couldn't breathe and you couldn't see.
Fuck, you were drowning.
*
"We shouldn't have made her do that!"
Kiara's voice could be heard over the quiet commotion happening around you.
"She's fine, she'll be fine, Kie."
"She fucking better be, what the fuck were we thinking?!"
"She's coming to," you opened your eyes to pure sunlight, "she's up."
You blinked to adjust to the sun, your eyes concentrating on a figure above you. Tanned skin, blonde hair and blue eyes came into focus.
"Hey," JJ's thumb gently brushed your cheek, "you ok?"
"Yeah," his touch sent a wave of anxiety through your body, "yeah I'm fine."
"You scared us so much," Kie dropped to her knees in front of you and wrapped you in a big hug, "thank fuck for JJ."
You wrapped your arms around her figure, the two of you hugging for a moment before her gently pulling you up to your feet.
"I'm sorry," Kie pulled back and quickly wrapped her arms around you again, "I'm so sorry. You could have died."
"She didn't though, she's fine," JJ had taken over driving the boat, sunglasses and a bandana covering his face hid any expression, "we're going home."
Home, as you had come to know it, was the Chateau. John B's house on the marsh was the spot for your group. You spent almost as much time there as you did at your actual home.
"You should sleep," John B escorted you into the guest room you'd been claiming as your own and hustled you into the bed, "you need it right now."
He watched you drop into the mattress and bury yourself in the blankets as he stood in the doorway with a sad look on his face.
"I'm sorry, things went too far today."
You mumbled your forgiveness as sleep overtook your body.
*
The room was dark when you woke up, but the scent of bonfire and weed passed through the screen of the open window. The pogues laughed about something JJ had said that you couldn't quite hear.
You grabbed a hoodie that JJ left on the couch and pulled it over your head as you made your way out to the bonfire. Your friends whistled and yelled as you made your way to fire, dropping down next to Pope and wrapping an arm around him.
"You guys are the best, thank you for letting me sleep all day and saving my life."
"Oh no problem at all," Pope teasingly brushed his shoulder, "you're welcome."
The both of you erupted in giggles, oblivious to JJ's eyes focused on you and the hoodie you were wearing.
"So," John B tossed a beer your way, "are you down to recount your near death experience?"
"Honestly, I have no idea what happened."
"Really? Well, you were down for a while and JJ jumped in," Kiara spoke, "he pulled you to the surface and made sure you were still breathing."
You looked at the blonde across the fire and gave him a small smile, he returned it with a half smirk and beer raised to the sky before downing most of it. He wasn't going to take credit for saving your life.
This was it. You could either keep it safe or shoot your shot.
"You know," you brought your beer to your lips and took a small swig, "if you wanted to kiss me JJ," another sip, "you didn't have to plan something so elaborate."
