Broken

Chapter-6: Breaking the broken

I had never felt so lonely before in my lifetime. My heart was broken, hammering against my chest, purposelessly. I felt as if I would never heal from this pain. My mind was desperate and drowning in the essence of the newfound pain that had scarred my soul. Then, I understood the significance of staying single. At least, you don't get betrayed that way. Is it really easier to move on? Having a change of heart? How can people crumble your heart by a mere choice of words or actions? Why do we trust people?

Maybe Blake was right, after all. I was pathetic and hideous. Justin got smart and accepted that too. I just wanted someone to feed me with the lies that I was worthy of love. I just wanted somebody to hold me. No wonder, Blake's actions took a toll on my mental health but Justin's betrayal struck me harder.

I stared at the floor, numbly, my mind tormented with the memories of the past. I recalled all the happy memories I had shared with him. They brought smiles on my face but left a stabbing pain in my heart. The pain of betrayal! It was something foreign for me, a feeling that I can barely describe.

Pain overwhelmed me and I couldn't bring myself to be strong!

"Liz, don't cry over him. He doesn't even deserve you," Caroline looked at me sympathetically, a hint of sorrow settling in her eyes.

I broke my gaze, preferring to look at the floor instead, "I am not crying for him. I'm crying over myself Carl....", I babbled as a stray tear made its way down my cheek.

"My dear, don't cry. We are here with you, always" Jenna poked my abdomen, playfully, trying to cheer me up.

The emotions of pain and betrayal flooded my system and sadness soared through every inch of my body. All of a sudden, I felt as if I was being dragged into darkness. The walls caved over me and I struggled with every breath I took. My breaths came in shallow gasps and I couldn't find the air to breathe.

"I need some space, guys. I need to get away, I ...." was all I said before I turned abruptly, wanting to get away.

"Are you alright, Liz?"

"Liz?"

"Alissa"

Their voice fell on my ears like a hum and my brain didn't process the sounds. For a split moment, I lost control over myself. I felt as if my body was shutting itself down. The tears flowed unchecked down my cheeks and dropped down my chin. I couldn't believe that I had managed to stay strong until then.

"Alissa, look at me!", Caroline's snap broke me out of my frozen trance.

I cocked my head to her side, my eyes glazed with unshed tears. My lower lip quivered as these words escaped my mouth, " Why me....?"
Then the tears streamed down my face as heavy sobs raked my chest.

I cried as if my heart was being shredded from inside. I didn't know if I was crying over Justin or my fate but all I felt was pure pain and heartbreak. My upper body wracked with every heart-wrenching cry that tore through me, chest heaving unevenly as I gasped for air.

Jenna and Caroline tried to hold me, concerned about my state as I cried hysterically. Jenna stroked my back and pulled me into a hug. The fact that someone was holding me provided me with a sensation of relief. I snuggled deeper into her arms, crying wildly as she kept cooing me.

"Please never leave me alone," those words barely escaped my lips, showing my vulnerability, my cries chocking my voice back. She rubbed my back soothingly and it worked.

"Don't worry, my friend. We are always with you" she said backing away for a moment and looked in my bloodshot eyes, with a hint of moisture in her own and engulfed me into a hug, clenching me tighter. I was releasing my pent up emotions through my cries and sobs. She kept rocking me back and forth until I calmed down. Finally, my sobs subdued and I was sniffling.

I backed away and looked at her with my puffy eyes, the corner of my lips barely tugging into a smile.

"Hey, you are okay," Caroline whispered, holding her arms open in an invitation for a hug.

Without a second thought, I flung myself into her arms as a strangled cry escaped my lips.

"We love you. You are gonna be fine," she spoke, engulfing me into a hug.

I buried my face in the crook of her neck, my body wracking with the force of my cries.

"Things will change, I promise. You have to be strong. If you are once broken, you don't have to stay broken."