July 4, 2020.
I swear that boy just pissed me off. Remember when I said he would be a good distraction? Yeah, initially he was. I even thought he might be different from other guys. Gosh, I was so wrong, he's so full of himself, selfish as heck. It's probably easy to guess at this point that we broke up.
For real, I really tried to make things work. However, he's a jackass who's always pitying at himself. I'm absolutely done with him.
As for Louise, my plans to forget my feelings for her didn't quite go as planned. I was able to shut it down a lot but I still really missed her. Her company, the easy smile she could put on my face with just a few texts. I wondered how she was doing. From time to time I tried to text her something to see if she was alright, if she needed some support, but our conversations didn't go much further than that.
I accepted that maybe a love life wasn't really meant for me, at least not for now. So I was just taking care of my mind and trying not to freak out during quarantine. Which reminds me... Dear reader, the year is 2020, COVID-19 took over the world from one day to another and pretty much everybody is under quarantine until scientists find a vaccine. You'll probably study about this in history, so stay tuned.
Getting back to not such a interesting story as the one who's gonna be told by your history teachers, I pretty much gave up on having a love life for a while. But well, I guess my life is really a roller coaster of emotions.
One day I was listening to a cliche song about love and tweeted talking about how much I wanted a girlfriend of my own. It was a playful tweet but guess who responded. That same day, June 6, Louise responded it with flirting tone. I really couldn't believe my eyes.
We started talking about the past, our mistakes and also how such a good part of that story was just a misunderstanding. She was actually interested in me during that time, getting over Ayla and everything. Even though her mind wasn't really doing that well as I said previously. So when I disappeared she got pretty disappointed. I couldn't blame her, but also I had no idea that there was so many feelings we didn't discuss with each other just because we were to afraid to feel rejected.
We discussed about how much we missed those conversations, the smiles we put on each other's face.
I was afraid but knowing at that moment how many opportunities we missed just because we weren't fully sincere, I took a step forward and playfully - but actually being serious - asked her if there was any possibilities of us trying again. My heart really skipped a beat when I read the message saying that it would be amazing if we did that.
So we started talking more and more again. I was willing to be a hundred percent honest and don't get her out of my hands again (just if at some point she says that she doesn't want me anymore). And so we went like this.
It felt even better than the past. There was a lot more of honesty on our words, we both willing to make it work out this time.
I swear, days flew. I felt like we were, at maximum, talking for two weeks or something when in reality a month passed by my eyes. It's just that our conversations seem so fresh, in an unexplainable way, even when we're going through problems. She literally makes it feel like time hasn't passed at all. That's one of the best feelings I've ever had with someone.
I feel Louise around me during our talks even though she's not. Maybe that's just me, but knowing she's feeling good about us is already everything I could want.
Everything makes me think about her. Makes me think about how I want to experience it all with that amazing girl by my side. Sounds so silly here and also on my head, but I just can't avoid. I'm a hopeful person.
And so I keep taking things lightly with her, hoping for the future but not rushing anything at all. It's good the way it's going. Making ourselves friends of each other but also partners. I don't know what the future holds, but no matter what happens, I'm grateful for this time.
Today is Louise's birthday. I'm still wondering if I should send her this or if it's way to foolish and would make her think I'm out of my head. But she enjoys fanfics just as me, so I'm risking anyways. I guess I'm probably sending her this fanfic about my experiences - a little bit exaggerated for script purposes but she doesn't need to know, hm.
Maybe I'm making a fool out of myself, being entirely delusional. Maybe in a near future she doesn't even want me. But you know what? I don't care. I'm just being hopeful and there's nothing wrong with that.
I want us to watch our movie list, have more experiences and live with her as much as we have to live together. Also, internally wish she likes this so I can write more chapters about our chaotic life and make a proper cover. She's all that.
Yeah... this last sentence was a movie reference, I'm sorry. 🤷🏻♀️
The end...
for now
