In Between

CHAPTER 8: HIS TRAUMA

Unlike yesterday, their day started earlier today. Matteo picked her up even before the sun rose above the horizon, and they went straight to Piazza del Campo—the principal town square of Siena—to grab some capuccino to fill their empty stomachs.
 
After having their breakfast, they decided to roam around the area while taking pictures here and there before agreeing to climb the bell tower of Torre del Mangia to see the beautiful view of the historic city center. Ariane, being an indefatigable photographer, took countless shots of the city while Matteo, who was leaning on the wall next to her, watched her the whole time, chuckling.
 
They stayed at Piazza del Campo for more than an hour before they moved to their next destination—the historic city center of Siena. They admired its Renaissance buildings for about an hour and allotted a couple of minutes to visit the Biblioteca Piccolomini, where they opened some books in the library. Then they immediately left the place to visit some of Siena’s fine museums.
 
When they had enough of gaping at the historical objects displayed at the museums they visited, Matteo grabbed her without prior notice and brought her to the Duomo di Siena—Siena’s Cathedral—where they took another batch of photos together outside, not forgetting to pray inside before they wended their way across the city.
 
They had their lunch at a fine restaurant, which was their only break because as soon as they finished their meal, they continued strolling around the city, leaving Matteo’s car in the parking lot of the restaurant to enjoy the view of the surrounding area.
 
They only went back to pick up Matteo’s car left in the parking lot when it was past 4:00 p.m.—the perfect time to say they had enough, even though it was still quite early to go back to Florence.
 
They arrived in Florence before sunset, which is why‚ Matteo brought her to Piazzale Michelangelo to watch the sunset instead of going straight to her apartment.
 
“So beautiful,” Ariane whispered, mesmerized by the sunset before her.
 
It is already her second time watching the sunset at such a perfect spot, but it never failed to fascinate her like the very first time.
 
Ariane let herself gape at the sun that is now starting to disappear from her sight, while Matteo, who is sitting next to her, was just silent, and she had no idea where he was looking at.
 
A comfortable silence surrounded the place as the day turned to night. They just stayed silent for a couple of minutes before Matteo broke the silence between them.
 
“You know, it has always been my dream to visit your country,” Matteo uttered, which caught Ariane’s full attention.
 
Ariane was now looking at Matteo intently while waiting for him to continue what he was about to say.
 
“But every time I remember what happened in the past, I can’t help but be frightened over and over again. So I let my plan of going to the Philippines be forgotten,” Matteo continued.
 
“Why? What are you afraid of?” she unconsciously asked. And when she realized what she just said, it was too late for her to take it back because Matteo’s gaze was now on her.
 
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry into your personal life. I was just curious. But no worries. You don’t have to answer it. Just forget that I asked you that,” she explained right away when Matteo didn’t say anything and just stared at her.
 
Matteo blinked twice before giving her a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I understand,” he dismissively said.
 
Ariane let out a relieved sigh. “T-Thanks,” she awkwardly said, making Matteo chuckle.
 
“Anyway, what was your question again?” Matteo asked her all of a sudden, making her eyes widen in shock.
 
“H-Huh? I-It’s nothing,” she instantly answered when she recovered.
 
“Come on, tell me. What was it? I just want to make sure that I heard you right before giving you an answer,” Matteo urged her to talk.
 
Ariane stared at Matteo for a couple of seconds to see if he was really serious about giving her an answer after she dismissed the question just a while ago—and he is. His face says it all.
 
Ariane awkwardly bit her lower lip to stop herself from asking the same question she asked a moment ago. “Ahm, you don’t really have to answer my question. I just asked it out of curiosity.”
 
“Just tell me what your question was, and I’ll decide whether I’ll answer it or not,” Matteo said, not minding her objection.
 
Ariane took a deep breath before looking deep into his eyes. “F-Fine. But feel free to drop the topic if you are not comfortable with it.”
 
Matteo just nodded at her, so Ariane continued what she was saying.
 
“So‚ my question was...” Ariane sighed to pull herself together and to gather all her courage. “What are you afraid of?”
 
Matteo became silent after she threw the question at him. He was silent for a couple of seconds, so Ariane thought that Matteo had no plan to give her an answer. But to her shock, Matteo opened his mouth to talk, ready to give her the answer she’s been dying to know ever since the day she met him.
 
“A few years ago, I decided to visit your country,” Matteo uttered, and he went silent for a couple of seconds before parting his lips to continue what he was saying.
 
“I already booked a flight. My passport and luggage were all ready. I was about to leave the house for my flight that day when my mother had a high fever... so I chose to stay and take care of her instead of leaving Italy. My father wasn’t around, and I can’t just leave her alone knowing that she’s sick.” Matteo heaved a heavy sigh, and based on the faraway look on his face, it seems like he remembered something tragic and painful from his buried memory—making Ariane listen attentively to what he’s going to say next. “On that same day, news broke. An accident happened.”
 
Ariane saw how Matteo clenched his fist‚ while his jaw tightened, as if it would give him the strength he needed to be able to continue the story he started to tell.
 
Ariane lost track of what happened next. She just found herself holding Matteo’s fist and caressing it to calm him down.
 
“It’s okay. You can stop now. You don’t have to continue your story,” she said, almost whispering, while giving Matteo a sympathetic look to make him feel that he’s not alone—that she’s just here for him.
 
“T-The news—”
 
Ariane cut him off by caressing his arms and fist with her hands at the same time.
 
“Shhh. Don’t force yourself. Just forget it. You need to calm down.” Ariane tried to calm him down because even though he hasn’t told her the details yet, she already has an idea what his story is all about. She can feel and see it in the way his body reacts—it is a tormenting memory that he can’t dare look back on.
 
Even though she wanted to hear his answer, she stopped herself. She doesn’t want him to look back in the past and recollect his forgotten memories, which will only bring pain to the person she now considers a friend. She met Matteo as a man who has a warm smile ready for anyone he comes across, and she wants him to stay that way. She doesn’t want his smile to fade.
 
“I-It’s suffocating,” Matteo admitted as he punched his left chest hard—as if it would ease the pain he was feeling. “And I have to let it out before I lose my mind.”
 
“But you’re not yet ready to let go of that memory. Give it some time,” she countered.
 
Matteo turned his gaze at her. He stared at her with unshed tears in his eyes. “You are the only person I get to tell this to, and I won’t let this chance slide.”
 
“You can tell me this some other time. I’ll be here in Italy for a month anyway.” She tried to smile, but she failed.
 
Matteo let out a heavy sigh before looking deep into her eyes. “No. I’m going to tell you now. I can’t wait for another day to pass with that tragic memory haunting my sleeping hours,” he firmly said with unflinching determination to tell her everything.
 
“But—” Ariane wasn’t able to finish her sentence when she saw the determination in his eyes, making her sigh in defeat. “Fine. Go on. I’ll listen,” she urged him.
 
Matteo bit his lower lip and took a deep breath before telling Ariane everything. “On that same day, the plane that I was supposed to ride... crashed. All the passengers, together with the pilots and the crews, died.” A lone tear fell from his eyes, and Ariane was prompt enough to wipe it, grabbing him into a tight and warm embrace to console him.
 
Ariane just remained silent while caressing Matteo’s back. She doesn’t know what to say to make him feel better, so she just remained silent and let her warmth comfort him. She’s still shocked at what she has learned. Never did she think that Matteo’s reason for not leaving Italy was this serious. She thought that it was just because he doesn’t want to waste his time traveling to a strange country, like he’s been telling her for the days that they’ve been together.
 
“I was frightened and thankful at the same time that day. I was scared because I almost lost my life and thankful because I didn’t. I realized that maybe it is much better to just settle here in Italy instead of dreaming to fly to another country, which will only put my life at risk,” Matteo added.
 
Now it makes sense to her. He was traumatized. That was the only explanation she could think of for why Matteo never planned on leaving his country after that incident. He is clearly still not over it. Maybe he sees the airplane as a threat to his life, so he’s avoiding it to save himself.
 
“Until now, that fear was still engraved in my system. Even how hard I tried and forced myself to forget it, it wouldn’t just go away and put me to rest. So I just made peace with the fact that I can’t leave my country, no matter how much I want to. I settled with hearing details about your country from my mother and through the net,” Matteo stated in a melancholic voice.
 
Ariane freed him from her embrace. Then she cupped his face and looked deep into his eyes with a smile on her lips that she doubted was seen in her orbs.
 
“I understand your fear, and you don’t have to force yourself to forget it if you are not yet ready. We all have our fears in life that we need to overcome at the end of the day for us to face the present and look forward for the future with our systems at ease.” Ariane paused for a minute, then she smiled earnestly at him. “And about your admiration for our country—use it as your strength so that someday‚ you’ll be able to spread your wings and explore the world to your heart’s content just like what I’m doing now. Who knows... we might meet each other again... in the Philippines someday. When that happens, I’ll be your tour guide,” she added, then she playfully winked at him to lighten up the mood.
 
Matteo chuckled at the last thing she said. “I like the last part of your speech.”
 
“Speech, huh? Are you teasing me?” Ariane facetiously raised her eyebrow at Matteo.
 
“I was just being honest.” Matteo shrugged nonchalantly. “You talk too much.”
 
“Hey!” she hissed at him. “That was so rude of you. I was just trying to make you feel better.”
 
Matteo just laughed at her. “Don’t be so annoyed. I was just kidding.”
 
Ariane sneered and looked away with her arms crossed over her chest. “Hmp! Not working. I’m still pissed.”
 
“Do you want to hear another story, hmm?” Matteo whispered over her ear, which made her eyebrow arch out of curiosity.
 
Ariane put on her poker face before turning her gaze at him.
 
“Go on. I’m listening. Make sure it’s worth my time or else... I’ll push you to the edge and let you fall in the city,” she threatened him and pointed her finger at the edge of Piazzale Michelangelo.
 
Matteo laughed at her threat before turning serious again. Then he looked above the starry sky, and a moment of silence surrounded the place before Matteo decided to break the silence between them.
 
“Aren’t you wondering why I am an only child?” Matteo asked out of nowhere.
 
Ariane’s curiosity was awakened. She has to admit it. She did not expect that there was a hidden story behind it. When she found out that Matteo is an only child, she instantly assumed that his parents didn’t want to have another one, which is why he has no siblings.
 
“I was a miracle baby.” Matteo heaved a sigh to gather all his strength so he could continue what he was saying without feeling emotional. “My mother had a miscarriage three times. No one survived inside my mother’s womb aside from me. But before she could give birth to me, my mom was taken to the hospital countless times, and it was a miracle that I survived it all. According to the doctors, I survived because I was fighting for my life inside my mother’s womb.”
 
Ariane pressed her lips together as she processed every single detail Matteo fed her. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she wasn’t able to feel that Matteo’s full attention was now on her.
 
“Funny, right?” Matteo asked her, which pulled her out of her reverie.
 
“H-Huh? Why would it be funny?” she asked, clearly confused.
 
“Because I was a fighter and a survivor when I was just a fetus. But now that I am a grown man, I can’t even face my fear.” Matteo let out a listless chuckle.
 
“There’s nothing funny. You are just being cautious,” she corrected.
 
“Yeah, right,” Matteo said nonchalantly.
 
Another moment of silence passed before Matteo asked her another random question.
 
“Do you know what my name means?” Matteo randomly asked.
 
Ariane frowned and looked at Matteo questioningly.
 
“Wait. Your name has a hidden meaning?” she asked in disbelief.
 
“Yeah.” Matteo let out a loud, silly laugh as if he were entertained by her reaction.
 
“Why do you look surprised?” he asked when he sobered up.
 
“Because I was surprised!” she exclaimed. “So‚ tell me about it, Mr. Matteo Emanuele Toscano. What are you hiding in your sleeves?” she playfully asked and focused all her attention on him.
 
Matteo chuckled before giving her a warm and genuine smile. “Matteo means gift of God, while Emanuele stands for God is with us.”
 
Ariane’s jaw dropped as she gaped at Matteo. “Woah! I’m lost for words. Your mother is... just fucking awesome!” she remarked, which made Matteo laugh out loud as if there was no tomorrow.
 
“Hey!” Ariane hissed at Matteo. “Stop laughing at me! You’re starting to annoy me.” 
 
“Okay, okay. I won’t laugh anymore.” Matteo raised both his hands in the air as if he were surrending himself while trying to refrain himself from laughing.
 
“Tss! Your name doesn’t suit you. You’re such an asshole.” Ariane rolled her eyes in annoyance.
 
“I’m not,” Matteo instantly denied.
 
“Tss! Say that to the air.” Ariane sneered and looked away, but she abruptly looked back at Matteo when she realized something. “But on second thought, I think it suits you since you’re a miracle baby, like you said.”
 
“You’re right,” he agreed. “I think it wasn’t just me who fought for my life when I was still in my mother’s womb. I believed that God was with me during that time, and He let me live because He wants to give my parents a gift for being faithful despite everything that they’ve been through,” he said lovingly with a faraway look in his eyes.
 
“I agree,” she muttered.
 
A deafening silence surrounded them. And just like a while ago, Matteo initiated another conversation to break the silence that enveloped them.
 
Their conversation continued until they decided to leave Piazzale Michelangelo to have dinner before going home.
 
That’s how they spent their time together. That’s how Ariane spent her stay in Italy—being picked up by Matteo in the apartment early in the morning to start their day and being taken home at night after a long conversation and a fine dinner in a restaurant.
 
As time passed, they became so comfortable with each other that they would normally exchange personal stories, including their childhood and family. Their deal continued without even realizing that it’s not just the deal anymore that binds them together. It’s more than that. What they have is getting deeper and deeper.

A/N: I don’t even know what this Piazzale Michelangelo is and if car can be taken there or you have to trek to get there since it’s a high place🤣 I don’t have time to surf the net because there’s no internet connection or even a signal in our place so I just have to depend on my imagination. Good thing this is a work of fiction and I can do whatever I want🤧 But if you know anything about this place‚ feel free to share your knowledge with me.

Disclaimer: I do not own the meaning behind Matteo’s name. That was taken from this link 👉🏻https://www.verywellfamily.com/italian-baby-names-and-traditions-4098177👈🏻