Beautiful Disaster

Chapter Two

Chapter Two:

"So how was family therapy?" Vanessa asks as I enter our apartment on my college's campus.

"It was fucking great." I slam the door shut. I put down my backpack and purse. I kick off my shoes and jump onto the couch. I lay face down on the couch.

I sigh and just lay there.

"Someone looks upset." Vanessa adds as she sits down in the chair beside me.

"Wow, you should go on Dr. Phil." I then flip her off.

"Wow, someone is in a mood." She adds while taking a sip of her coffee.

"I am in a mood because my parents fucking suck." I sigh.

"Yes they do. I am sorry Meg." She tries to comfort me.

"Thanks, what time do you go to your audition?" I ask changing the subject. I really don't feel like talking about my feelings. Because feelings fucking suck. I would rather just go to a party.

"I leave in ten minutes." She smiles at me.

I notice she is wearing her "audition dress" which is a strapless purple dress with a sweetheart neckline and is very form fitting.

"You look hot. You are going to do great." I smile at her.

"Thanks. I got to go, don't do anything stupid tonight."

"Okay bye." I wave bye to Vanessa as she leaves. But I am totally doing stupid things tonight. I know Vanessa doesn't agree with me having sex and getting drunk. But honestly, if she felt the way I feel, she would party and have sex to. So now it's time to get dressed for a party.

I decided to put on my "party dress" which is a short red dress with a v shaped neckline that really shows skin. You can see how big my boobs look in this dress which is the look that I am going for.

I do my makeup and put on some black high heels.

Let's go be stupid!

***

I walk into a party with loud music, beer, and dancing. Perfect place for me to forget my problems. I walk over to where the drinks are and get some beer. I grab my a cup and start dancing. I look around and I don't see anyone I know here which is a great, a new guy to sleep with.

"Hey." Some guy whispers in my ear as he places his hand on my lower back.

"Hey yourself." I smile up at him. He's tall with short blonde hair and blue eyes. He's wearing shorts and a t-shirt. He's very cute but more of a jock. Usually I date nerds but honestly I am not looking for a relationship.

"I'm Drake." He smiles at me.

"I'm Megan."

"Nice to meet you Megan. Would you like to dance?"

"I would love to."

I begin to dance and he places his hands on my hips. I smile up at him and dance to the music.

***

We dance for who knows how long, then I kiss him on the lips. He kisses me back. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him ever harder. I can still he likes that because he puts his hands on my butt. He kiss for a while tell he says: "Want to get a room?"

"Yes please."

We go to his room, get undressed, and have passionate sex with a guy I barely know.

****

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. I roll over and see that it's already 10:00 am. Shit I am late for work.

I get out of bed and quickly get dressed.

Drake rolls over and notices I am leaving but doesn't say a word.

***

I work at a library which is amazing for me because during my break I can work on my book. Currently I am writing a romance novel about a girl who feels broken due to her family abusing her and her falling in love with a boy who is palayzed. I love writing sappy romance novels. It makes me wish I had an amazing guy like that in my life. But honestly, who would want me? I'm a fucking disaster.

"Megan, you are late." Missy glares at me as I enter the library.

"I'm sorry Missy, it won't happen again." I lie.

So now I get to work.

***

"Hey." I smile as I enter my apartment and see Vanessa on the couch drinking wine.

"Hey where were you last night? Why didn't you answer my messages?" She demands.

I sigh and sit down on the couch.

"I was out last night." I tell her the truth.

"With who?" She gives me a glare.

"A guy named Drake." I smile.

"Oh my goodness Meg, why do you do this?" Vanessa sighs and puts her wine glass down. She is already in my pj's because she probably got home from work. She works at the coffee shop. She has her hair pulled up in a messy bun.

"Because I don't want to feel my feelings." I say honestly. When I feel my feelings, I feel fucking horrible. Probably because I am depressed. I know I am depressed but there is no way I have bipolar though. I'm just depressed because my life sucks. Everyone gets depressed at some point in their life. Doesn't mean they have bipolar.

"You know sex and drinking won't stop you from feeling depressed." She adds.

"Doesn't mean I can try." I fake smile at her.

"How was your audition?" I ask her changing the subject.

"It was great! I got the lead!" She smiles back at me.

"Really? That's awesome! What musical is this?" I ask, feeling happy for her.

"It's Alice in Wonderland and I got the Queen of Hearts."

"Girl you are so perfect for that part!" I cheer for her.

"Thank you, girl. Now do your homework and get to bed." She demands as she gets up to go to her room.

"Yes mom." I laugh.

I get up and go to my room. I changed into my pj's. I wipe off my makeup and just see how awful I look. I have the worst dark circles under my eyes. Probably because I don't sleep. My mind just races at night and when I do sleep I have nightmares.

I lay on my bed and finally began to feel my feelings.

This is why I avoid my feelings because when I think about how I feel, I feel like shit.

"You are worthless. You are useless. You would be better off dead. No one cares about you. You should just kill yourself." My thoughts race.

I know I probably won't sleep tonight.

Maybe I should just kill myself.

Maybe my thoughts are right.

I will never get better.

Tears fall down my face and I don't stop crying.

I am worthless. I'm worthless and depressed.

Someone just kill me.

***

Hey beautiful! I hope you enjoyed this! Thank you so much for reading! I love you so much❤️

-Harper❤️