Mind Full Of Tricks

DEAR 12

Dear 12,

My heart stopped. 

Or at least that's what i thought happened . 

The beauty of her flaws waved back at me , as i recognized most of them in very little time.  the way her hair fell behind her back with little effort, she always tends to straiten it and hope that i didn't realize that it was ' not her natural hair.

But i went along with her lies, just to make her happy . Supported her when she made bad decisions, took the blame when something went wrong , i wanted to please her in every and any way ever.

I craved the scent she put on for whenever  we'd meet, ached the giggles that she slipped out once in a while .It was  the way that she held her head high and put on a fake smile, hiding every last drop of insecurity in her heavy heart. 

She caught my attention the first time i glanced at her . speaking on the phone to whoever . i decided to approach her .

 I'm pretty friendly . Likable . But i was antisocial , friends had no position  in the lifestyle that i lived. i had to be cautious on who i surrounded my self with . 

When  talking to  her , she kindly replied , just what i had assumed. She was even way more beautiful up close . But unfortunately i wasn't able to get her number . 

After that , i saw her here and there through out  the college campus . Spoke to her when i saw her , but that wasn't enough. i Needed to know more. More about who she was, who she hung out with , what she liked to eat , her favorite song , I wanted to know everything! 

Which is why i followed her home. which is exactly  why i recorded her for the next 2 years. And no matter how hard i tried , i wasn't enough to fulfill every expectation that was set. 

I knew every detail, every second of her daily life was on the memory card that i am placing beneath this letter . 

The jealousy inside of me was  soon to burst with out her. The guys that she spoke to were no where near the scale of where i stand. Broke her heart every couple of months and left without an explanation.  Just as she did for me. so i decided for the both of us , that it was best we should end up together.

but not just for the meanwhile.

forever.

So on Saturday night around 8:00 P.M.  i watched her come out of the dance studio, The dress hugged her flesh fittingly. She was amazing as always. Wish she meant that much to herself as she did to me. 

I Waited for her to get to her car . what she didn't know that i  was already  in the back seat for the past hour and a half. After she unlocked her door , pulling it out slowly , i grew anxious. Excited of the plan i had been setting up .

soon after she sat down , Locking the doors , i sat up from the uncomfortable position i put my self in . the little white towel was already infused with sleeping spray . It took her exactly 10 seconds to fall back into my arms. 

I had no intention of hurting her , i LOVED her with every living cell inside of me. i couldn't stand to watch the pretty face, and her gorgeous body be in a state of harm.

But now i stand here at the 16th floor watching her at the bottom  being surrounded  by  a  crowd  of teens. 

We were supposed to watch the stars together , while i explained everything to her. To tell her i had enough money for the both of us to start over. And start new . 

And while i carried her at the edge of the 16th floor i was getting tired , and my hands were cramping up. I decided to lay her on the side while i rested for a bit .but she slipped way accidentally . in a matter of seconds i watched the light , the life , and hope inside of me crush her skull in half. 

Without her i am nothing. 

 I write this to you , to whoever cop finds this note , so that her family and friends could get the closure that they will feel. 

And as for me , My soul had already been taken away with hers. 

The only option left is to empty the metal bullet inside my heart.

Please forgive me,

Her former English professor   

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HI reader :)

so i don't like this story but i just kind of made it up as i went along, 

Hope you liked it.

much love,

R.E.