SHATTER

Chapter Four

Fear. It is a powerful emotion that can control ones mind and soul. Fear has taken over my life. It is my master and I am it's slave. It follows me around like a shadow. It threatens to consume me. Destroy me. I fear the pain. I fear—fear. I fear life. I am a shell. I am no one.

   The thin fiber blanket I'm sitting on did nothing to protect me from the cold hardwood floor. My body shakes from the cold. My fingertips are near frozen and my teeth chatter uncontrollably. The room is about the size of a broom closet. This little space filled with so much darkness is suffocating. The only light I receive is from the the small hole at the very top, which stops short of the inclined ceiling, and the only thing I can fit through it are a couple of fingers. Sometimes I push my fingers through the hole and I feel what I imagine to be grass. I hope it's grass. It's the only thing keeping me sane. It reminds me that this is real—this is my life and the the little demons I see in the darkness come from the dark places of my mind. THEY ARE NOT REAL! I'm shaking so badly, the crisp air of this December is getting to me, fall is ending and winter is showing just how cruel it can be. My lips are so chapped there bleeding, my skin is so dry it feels like I've grown to big for it and it is splitting, my bones are slowly healing from the beating I took yesterday.

"I shouldn't have been seen..." my words are consumed by the darkness. If these walls could talk, I wonder if they would help me or mock me as well. I couldn't risk the Alpha or anyone else hearing me, if I got another beating in this state, I just might die.

Maybe that won't be such a bad thing, maybe I will finally be free. From what I can tell it is daylight sense there is a little light peaking through to the room. The sound of heavy boots scared me to no end as I sat in the corner in a fetal position trying to stay warm. I shook tremendously with each passing second, I could hear him coming closer. The bolts on my door are being unlocked one at a time. My teeth are chattering so bad I feel as if they might shatter. One. two. Three. He's Almost there. A silent cry escapes my lips as he undid the last lock. I quickly shove my blanket in my mouth to muffle my cry. Bright light filled my small room, I had to cover my eyes since the light was so blinding. I had not seen this much light in 24 hours and my eyes had just adjusted back to the darkness.

"Get up, you're needed in the kitchen." A monotone voice came from the doorway. All I could see is a silhouette of a man; the light was just too bright. As fast as he came was a fast as he left. I don't even know who he was. His aura leaked no power so maybe he might just be a servant. It didn't matter who he was, they all were dangerous. My body continued to shake without any control. I feel like a leaf in a wind storm.

I scrambled up from the hard ground, my joints popping from sitting in the same spot for too long. My bare feet had sores on them from going without shoes all around the house. All I had on now was a dress that went to my mid thy. A long time ago, this same dress went to my ankles. The torn and patched up sleeves of this dress did little to hide the bruises on my arms. The thin fabric didn't even stop the blood from getting everywhere after the wounds and sores on my arms would open again after a long day of working. This was all I had. This is all that they had given me. However, This article of clothing was my armor in a war that I was loosing.

The floor seemed extra hard tonight as I tried to stretch myself out. My dress wouldn't let me extend too far. My Goddess, my ribs hurt even more today. I could feel the outline of each individual's bone and ridge in my body due to malnutrition. They had starved me. It wasn't even sickening anymore to feel my bones; I had grown accustomed to my skinny frame. What was I to do? Complain? Ask for more food? That was an automatic visit to the pit. I'd rather die than go back to the pit. If you tapped me hard enough you probably would break a bone. I am withering away and they are practically forcing me to.

There is a bucket in the corner for me to wash up in and there is a small deer skin sack filled with old socks and and rags I've found while cleaning I use it for a pillow. There is another thin fiber blanket on the ground that I use for a pallet. My room in not much but it's my safe haven, they don't usually punish me in my room. Memories of the pit surface again and the acid in my stomach starts to race upwards. I grab my stomach as a bile rises in my throat. Those are memories that I need to forget.

The servant called for me about a minute ago so I know I have another minute to make it to my destination. On Shaky legs, I start my tread to the kitchen. One step. Another step. Just keep going. One foot in front of the other. Slow and steady. Breath, just breath. One step. Another.

A deep sigh leaves me as I make my way down the dark hallway, there are torches leading the way but every now and then there will be a dark gray door that contains household supplies. At the end of the of the tunnel are stone steps, I climb the stone steps but wince as some of the loose, rigid stone grazed the sores on my feet. It is so cold to touch that it burns me and I climb. Is this what death feels like? So cold that it burns? I fantasize about death. I welcome death with open arms. Only to get away from fear. Only to get away from these people. Will it be today? Will it be tomorrow? When will be my dooms day? When will I be set free?

One step. Another step. Just keep going. One foot in front of the other. Breathe, just breathe. Wait for death. Embrace death. Love death. One foot in front Of the other. One step. Another.

I grab the door handle and step through into another hallway, this one leads to the kitchen there are two paths that connect to this one hallway but I'm not allowed to stray from my orders. If I am found anywhere I am not supposed to be I will get punished. Like I was the other day. " I shouldn't have been there, but that smell..." My back and arms are still sore from the whipping I got last time and some of my bones are still sore from my beating. I will not stray again, no matter the smell.

I make my way into the grand kitchen, it can fit a full on chef service in here. There are little to no people in the breakfast hall today, I guess I missed the breakfast rush, as if they would leave me any food. The thought is so amusing that I almost build up the courage to laugh. The kitchen has a dozen stoves and ovens, I should know I clean them all. There is a giant sink in the back where there are over a hundred dishes piled up, every appliance in here is sterling. I know now why they called me up here they want me to clean. I roll up my long sleeves and decide to start with the oven. After a while of scrubbing I finally have managed to get the grease staines out of two ovens before I hear a wild giggle come form the other entrance to the kitchen. Panic rises up in my like a tidal wave. "I can't be seen! I must not be seen!" I run to the servants door and it's jammed again! The  fear intensifies in my soul and I feel it wrap around my throat strangling me. It laughs at me. I amuse fear. I am it's pet. It's as if I can almost hear it laughing at my panic.

I smelled him before he even stepped into the kitchen. His sent is mixed and twanged with raspberries and the smell of that wench. I heard his foot steps come closer and closer. I pushed the door harder and harder! "Must get out. Must not be seen!" Tears pricked my eyes as I heard the footsteps stop. I had run out of time. I had been seen. I felt him and that wench standing there. His eyes scorched my skin as they roamed me. Fear was having a ball with me. It's fingers tightening and choking me. Maybe this was my day. This was my death day, I could feel it. I couldn't turn around, I was rooted to my spot as the tears flowed freely now. No matter how much I embraces death its presence still sends a cold shiver down my spine. No one is ever ready to face death no matter the situation. Death is the end and today he will see my end.

"I shouldn't have been caught again. That have seen me. I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SEEN! I will loose this fight."  The screams in my mind turn into a whisper. I am afraid. No, I am terrified. This is what true terror feels like.

Fear gripped me like a cobra. It cackled at me! It's sticking its fangs through my flesh. The only thing  I could think about right now was the man standing behind me. The disgust and anger rolled off him in waves. The man standing behind me was the source of my pain. He was the terror of my nightmares. He was the bane of my existence. He was the cause of fear being my shadow. This man. This awful man. He... He...

He was my mate.