Read All About It

Chapter 1

Dear You,

It isn’t easy, you know; trying to ignore you. You’re always around. I see you all the time, even when I don’t want to. I think the hard part, is that I want to see you. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t let it go. I just want things to go back to normal for us. You know it’s changed. I wish you would stop telling me and everyone that it hasn’t because you know damn well it has. You’re choosing to ignore the tension and the pain because you want to be happy. It’s funny; I bet you didn’t think that I wanted to be happy too…well, I do.

 I’m willing to put that aside though, because I care about you too much. I know what makes you happy, and I can see it when you are with other people. You aren’t completely happy though, are you? Something deep inside you knows that what you are doing isn’t right. You know you are meant to be doing something else. Maybe that’s just me. But, let me tell you, I hope and pray to Whoever is listening up there that you feel something too…that you hear something in the back of your mind that is telling you to listen to your heart and go for it.

I’ll always be here for you when you decide to listen. Until then, I’ll just wait here.

I love you.

-Me

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I printed out the letter, shut the laptop and sighed heavily as I rested my forehead on top of the case. I needed my best friend back. I could fix this is if I wanted to. I mean, I am the one who built up this wall between us in the first place. I was the one who was afraid of my feelings. I was scared. I put this distance between us because I knew he didn’t think the same way I did…I do. I was different and weird and I didn’t want him to run away. Truth is, if he would have run away, I would have broken down.

I felt that familiar ache I get when I think about him build up in my chest. I forced my chair out from the desk and snatched the letter up as I headed for the kitchen.

“Hey Harry.” His usual perky voice did nothing but irritate me. I grunted in near disgust, but he ignored it and went on talking. “Got any plans for the day?”

He sounded slightly timid. “Not really. I kind of just want to stay home and watch a film or something. Why?” I retorted with the same level of shyness.

“Oh. No reason. Eleanor just cancelled our plans for the night, so I’m gonna stay in too.” His sentence trailed off at the end.  I cringed at the mention of hername.

Sometimes I regret forcing him away from me. He has always been there for me. The thought of doing anything together was still a rough subject, just because I had rejected any type of plans with him since he made me feel like this. He made me feel like this. I cursed under my breath as I realized just how easy it was to forget why I had distanced myself away from him the first place. When I remember, it always hits me like a ton of bricks, like someone pouring salt onto a fresh wound, and I get angry all over again.

“I might actually go out with Nick or something. You know, just to get out…” I suggested. I can’t be alone with him. As much as I want to be, I don’t know how much I fully trust myself to be. I headed for the cupboard and grabbed an envelope for the letter and started to head back to my room.

I felt a pang in my chest as I heard the slight disappointment in his voice as he responded with a quiet, “oh.” I tried to make the guilt disappear by telling myself that it was for the best. He recovered quickly with, “well, let me know. Maybe I can get some take away or something for us to eat later.” As I crossed into my room, I could have sworn I heard him finish the sentence with, “just like old times” but I pushed away the thought.