Read All About It

Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Dear You,

~*~

I sat there staring at the blank paper trying to put my thoughts out into a more comfortable form. I just couldn’t do it. Part of me couldn’t because I honestly had no idea what to say at the moment, but the other part of me had just given up…given up writing letters, that is. I mean, what’s the point anymore? If I want to say something, I can just tell him now. The other letters were obviously far worse and he still wants to be around me and isn’t treating me any different, so that’s a good sign.

You’re not gonna be alone in this.

What does that mean? Is he seriously saying that he feels the same? Not towards me, but in general. He did say he gets it. He gets it. The struggle, the confusion, the pain and frustration. All of it, I hope. This thought gives me a glimmer of hope that maybe there isn’t something wrong with me. If it’s happening to Louis, it can’t be wrong, it just can’t be.

As good as it makes me feel to know that he understands to some extent what is going on, I can’t get over the fact that none of this would be happening if he hadn’t read my letters. A part of me wants to forgive him, but I don’t know if I should.

He invaded my privacy. I know that living in the same house and practically in each other’s back pocket does blur the lines between things that are private, but it’s still personal to me. On the other hand, things have a chance to get better now. He can help me. I mean, he always has. And I’ve always helped him, it’s what we do.

~*~

Dear You,

Louis Tomlinson, consider yourself officially forgiven. I’m Sorry as well.

-Me

~*~

It wasn’t much, and I don’t have any intentions of giving it to him, but writing it out helps me to understand better.

I looked over at my clock to see what time it was. I hadn’t slept the entire night for the pure reason of not being able to. My thoughts were constantly changing and analyzing everything that had just happened and what could potentially happen next.

Finally, my alarm clock went off signaling it was 6am, and an acceptable time to wake up and make noise around the house without being deemed a nuisance.

I grabbed out the carton of eggs and some strips of bacon from the fridge and set myself up to cook enough for the two of us. I had some underlying guilt  for the way I reacted last week when I found out about the letters and I think I secretly want to try and make up for it in little bits for my own sake.

Louis’ a late sleeper so I just assumed he’d mosey into the kitchen once he smelt the food cooking on the stove. I plated everything and to my surprise, he still wasn’t up and out.

I quietly walked over to his bedroom door and pushed it open to see his sprawled out across his bed. He had lost his undershirt in the middle of the night like he usually does and was now only clad in his blue Topman boxers. The house has been so cold lately, that neither of us have been bold enough (or on proper terms with each other) to walk around with as little as possible, so the look was quite…different to see.

I walked over hesitantly to wake him up. I nudged his arm slightly which made him stir and roll onto his back. His entire torso was exposed now and no longer shielded by the duvet. I felt my breath hitch a bit in the back of my throat and I swallowed with great difficulty as my eyes roamed over his body, taking him all in.