Daddy's Girl

Chapter 13 - Some Things Never Change

Half a million dollars. Not even the wealthiest guests would drop such a sudden and generous donation. It was an anonymous contribution but it didn't take long for his name to manifest. And when it did the word quickly spread that he'd been there in the very same room. I didn't have to question how he found me. Even after five years, while out of reach and out of touch, he remained lurking in the depths of my mind. I always knew one day he would come. Because when Negan wanted something, he took it. When he set out to do something, he did it. He wasn't a reserved man and he hardly practiced restraint besides the kind you find in the bedroom. So why? If he'd been there, standing mere feet from me, why didn't he come after me? Had he finally given up the chase? Had I won? And if that was the case, then why, as I turned to my new life, with my new man, did I still feel so unfulfilled?

His name was Benny. -Well, Benjamin, but when I met him at a banquet one starstruck evening in LA, I took to calling him 'Benny'. I was also quite taken by his bright smile and dark brown eyes. In some ways, he reminded me of Negan. He was cocky and quick-witted but our relationship was a little more orthodox. He was closer to my age, he made an honest living as a corporate attorney, and his humor was far more straight-laced. But he made me laugh just the same. -Or, at least he used to.

Benny was so well-rehearsed that it took me nearly a year to realize it was all an act. It wasn't just the way he presented himself but our entire relationship had been for show. His parents insisted he settle down and get married and in my haste to rid myself of my past I accepted his proposal. But the truth was, what we had was never love. And once we grew tired of pretending I began to notice we had nothing of substance in common. Our conversations steadily became as bland and blunt as our sex life. We were like strangers living in the same home. So when I vaguely mentioned a 'business trip' he didn't care enough to question it. I suspect it was because he was seeing someone else. I didn't care enough to question that either. All of the answers I needed were waiting back where it all began.

Of course, I didn't come to that conclusion without overwhelming reluctance and a borderline panic attack. I knew I had every reason to cut ties with Negan and I'd spent years unraveling myself from him. Every sensible part of my brain told me not to go. It screamed for me to stay away from him but my heart and all of the unanswered questions drove me to madness. So like an idiot I was on the next available flight to New York.

***

Early spring left the city dressed in a colorful array of blossoms, strategically placed between its slate and structured buildings. They reached up to a dull and cloudy sky with a promise of rain but 6th Avenue was alive and vibrant as ever. Heavy traffic hummed and beeped from every direction while busy bodies rushed with somewhere to be. I, on the other hand, was pacing aimlessly with indecision. Why did I come here? What could I possibly say to make amends? What if he doesn't want to hear it?

I continued to fuss with myself as I doubled back for another lap around the block when I collided with a businessman in a dark-colored suit. For a brief moment, my stomach plummeted to my feet thinking he'd found me. Thankfully it was just another suited stranger hustling toward the next available taxi. He didn't bother looking up from his phone or even offering an 'excuse me'. No one in New York ever had the time to. And even though he didn't stick around long enough to hear it, I shouted a useless complaint.

After turning back for the hundredth time I glanced up at what used to be Negan's building. I heard his son owned it now. It was taller than I remembered. So tall it seemed to pierce the thick clouds hanging heavily and ominously overhead. They looked like they could burst at any minute. When a cool, damp breeze swept through the buildings it carried a slight drizzle with it that whipped through my freshly styled curls. I smoothed my clammy hands through my hair and over my chic and tailored dress. I'd gone the extra mile to look my best. To look well to do and wise beyond my years. Like I didn't need Negan to survive. But if I waited a second longer the rain would easily rinse all my efforts away.