Ashes

5: Recovery

AHSOKA TANO

Ahsoka had been in pain before. Even though it sucked in the moment, it would eventually pass. When she woke up in a bed in a hospital on Onderon (or at least she thought it was Onderon), the pain she felt was different. Her limbs were heavy, and her head was pounding. She felt absolutely helpless and utterly defeated, which only amplified the burning sensation in her veins and nausea in her stomach. 

She groaned and sat up slowly. "Kix?" she called out. "Is the morphine drip working?" She froze when she realized what she'd said, and a wave of sadness washed over her. He was dead now, all because of her. 

Alema stood up in the corner of the room and jogged to Ahsoka's side. "Kix? Who's that? And yeah, the morphine's working."

Clearly they got the dosage wrong, then, Ahsoka thought. Kix never would've made a mistake like that. Even though his patients were primarily clones, Kix had done a considerable amount of research on Togruta biology to make sure he was able to treat Ahsoka just as well as anyone else whenever she was injured in battle. He had always cared so much about everyone. 

"Kix was the head medic of the 501st during the Clone Wars," she said with a soft, wistful smile. "He saved my life a few times back then."

"Is he... you know, did he make it?" Alema was always careful when she asked about Ahsoka's past. Most of Ahsoka's friends from the Clone Wars were dead, and Alema knew it. 

Ahsoka shook her head. 

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Ahsoka pushed Kix from her mind and focused on the present. "What did I miss?"

"Surgery went well. They fixed everything they could, but you're going to be in recovery for a while."

"That's good, at least." 

Alema paused for a few seconds. "Is it true that Lux had the idea to blow up the power grid on Onderon?"

"What? How did you... oh." She had been talking to Lux. "Yes."

"He doesn't seem all that bad or as omak'nah (helpless) as you made him out to be."

Ahsoka laughed. "Oh, Alema, you have no idea."

The door opened, and Lux stepped inside, followed closely by Koyi. The girls shared a hostile stare as Lux sat down on the end of Ahsoka's bed. 

"Nehl te'aan ke du nehl d'bhem yeh (he told me he loved you)," Alema said. 

Ahsoka resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Like that was true. "Nah prrishk'ti ke nehl. E' menti. (Don't listen to him. That's a lie.)" If he had really loved her, he wouldn't have spent so much time all over Steela whenever Ahsoka was around. She was beneath him then, so she would certainly be beneath him now. 

Had Steela not died because of Ahsoka's carelessness, maybe things would be different between her and Lux. Maybe she deserved for him to treat her that way after she contributed to his girlfriend's death, but before that, Ahsoka had done nothing to him. He'd tried to reach out afterwards, but she didn't want to hear about how sad he was that he didn't get to live out his happily every after with Steela. 

She'd still believed happily ever afters were achievable during the Clone Wars, but any hope she had of one for herself was gone the minute Rex pulled the trigger in compliance with Order 66. 

Ahsoka glanced over at Lux, who was waiting eagerly to speak. "Hey," she said. The sooner the conversation started, the sooner it was over. 

"Hey. How are you? Are you feeling okay? Does anything hurt?"