Ashes

Chapter 14: A Happy Memory

AHSOKA TANO

Before Ahsoka knew it, the opening ceremony to her coronation journey was upon her. Today was the day that she would appear in front of her people for the first time at a reception arranged in her honor. It was also the day that she would meet her suitors.

She stared at herself in the mirror. She wore a deep purple dress with openings in the sides exposing parts of her stomach and back. Koyi insisted that it complemented her figure well, but Ahsoka couldn't see past the imperfections it exposed to feel beautiful in it. Her open back put the gashes and scars remaining from beatings as a slave on display for everyone to see. In the absence of the muscle she'd worked so hard to build during the Clone Wars, her skin sagged on her bones. She placed her hands on her hips and sighed. The only thing she hated more than feeling unhealthy was looking unhealthy, as she did now. 

The door to her room creaked open, and she quickly hid her hands behind her back.

"Hey, Ahsoka, are you ready?" Alema took a few steps inside and gasped. "You look so pretty!"

"Thanks, Alema." Alema wore a simple light pink dress most likely borrowed from one of Ahsoka's sisters. "You look pretty, too."

Ahsoka glanced at herself in the mirror again. Alema walked over to her and took her hand, squeezing it three times. While enslaved, that had been their way of reminding the other that they would always be there for each other, no matter what horrors they faced. The gesture was simple yet always enough to calm Ahsoka down.

"You're sad," Alema said. "What're wrong?"

She was a fraud in this dress. The only thing she could see when she looked at her reflection was war and slavery, no matter how many times people told her how beautiful she was. She didn't feel like herself anymore, and that crushed her the most. How could someone like her if she didn't even know who she was? 

"Nothing."

Alema let go of her hand and stepped behind her to fix the train of Ahsoka's dress. "Look, I may not know a lot about love, but if you're looking for someone to like you despite your flaws, you're looking in the wrong place. Someone who truly loves you will love you with all of your flaws."

Ahsoka smiled weakly. "When did you get so old and wise?" she joked.

Alema shrugged. "Stand tall! I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you're the queen of this place. Act like it!"

Ahsoka placed her hand on Alema's shoulder. After one final glance at herself in the mirror, she turned away and made her way to the door.

It was time for the show to begin. 

-:-:-:-:-:-

Ahsoka stood outside the door to the ballroom, her arm linked in Koda's.

"You're sure I have to do this?" she asked, trying to ignore the growing pit in her stomach. 

"You agreed to this, remember? Besides, they're going to love you," he reassured.

She reached for the door, but the prospect of being the center of attention of a function as large as this made her sick. She pulled her hand back immediately. "I can't do it."

Koda turned to face her and put her hands on her shoulders. "Yes, you can. Take a deep breath and find a happy memory."

She closed her eyes and forced any distracting thoughts from her mind. The first thing that came to mind was Raxus. She wasn't sure why that particular memory resurfaced, but she could practically feel the cool fall breeze as she descended the staircase leading to the gazebo at the Bonteri estate. Lux Bonteri sat on the railing, his curiosity radiating through the force. His gaze shifted to her lightsabers, and she knew she'd caught his interest.