Kisses Of Rain

Prologue

Living alone is not easy as what you imagine. You need money to survive everyday. You need food to eat. You need to pay your bill's. You need money. Even finding a money is also damn hard. You need to find a job so that you can earn money to pay all your bill's and also for your needs. But living alone with a horrible past is damn crazy and hard. 'Being lonely is not so bad as long as you used to it then it's okay to be alone.'

I grew up without knowing who my parents are. I only have my grandmother who takes care of me when I was a child. I was a jolly and a smiley kid back then. I always wait outside hoping that my parents would come back to fetch me. But day by day I didn't see or either feel their presence and that's reality slapped me. They will never come back to fetch me. They don't want to see me anymore. I'm just a trash for them. But my grandmother always right there by my side. She's always right there cheering me up. But I know everything has an exchange. My happiness has an exchange. My grandmother's love has an exchange. Everything has. When I was nine she passed away. I lost my grandmother. I lost the person I love. The only person who didn't threat me like a trash. The person I treasure so much. The only person I have.

She left me to my aunt. Ang demonyo kong tiyahin ang taong nagparanas sa akin ng hirap. Ang taong nagpamukha sa akin na wala akong puwang sa mundong ito ang taong palaging isinasampal sa akin ang katotohanan na wala na ang aking mga magulang at hinding-hindi na nila ako babalikan.

I suffered a lot. I became her slave. She doesn't even threat me like her own nephew. For her I was just a damn trash.

When I was twelve years old. Reality slapped me that I'm just a drag. Nagagalit ang mga group leaders ko sa akin dahil hindi ako sumisipot pag may group meeting or group project na gagawin. I have my reasons. My aunt won't allow me gusto niya na nasabahay lang ako naglilinis. Pati ang mga guro namin ay nagagalit dahil pag nagpapatawag ng meeting ay hindi pumupunta ang tiyahin ko. That time I realized that I'm really a drag.

Sa murang edad ay natutu na akong magbalat ng buto. Pinapatrabaho ako ng tiyahin ko sa meat shop niya. Binigyan niya ako ng sahod at akala ko ay isa iyong bunos pero nagkamali ako iyon daw ang gagamitin ko sa pangangailalangan ko sa pangaraw-araw at hindi na siya magbibigay ng pera sa akin kung di ang perang kikitain ko lang sa pagtatrabaho sa tindahan niya ang makukuha ko. Dahil alam kong hindi sapat ang perang kinikita ko sa pagtitinda ng karneng baboy ay naghanap ako ng trabaho na puwede sa idad ko at iyun ay ang isang karenderya. Ang karenderya ni Aling Suling mabait siya pagdating sa akin pero dahil takot ako makisama minsan ay hindi ko na siya kinakausap.

My aunt is damn torturing me everyday. And that day became week's, and that week's became month's, and that month's became year's.

Nakapagtapos ako ng highschool na walang ni isang naging kaibigan. They thought that I'm weird. But the truth is I was afraid of losing a special person again. Maraming sa mga kaklase ko na gustong makipag kaibigan sa akin pero hindi ko sila pinapansin. Kaya ang mga taong gustong makipagkaibigan sa akin ay naging haters ko na.

Wala sana akong planong magkoleheyo dahil hindi ko kaya ang mga gastos. Lalong-lalo pa akong mahihirapan. Nang makapagtapos ako ng highschool ay umalis na ako sa puder ng tiyahin ko at namuhay magisa. Pumasok ako sa iba't ibang mga trabaho para lang mapakain ang sarili ko.

At first it is really hard. But if you're going to adjust it's gonna be easy. Binaliwala ko ang mga gastusin ko para sa pagaaral. Kahit na magiging malaki ito. Nag doble kayod ako para mapagaral ang sarili at para makapagtapos.

Naging guro ako. Sinubukan kong makisama sa mga taong nakapalibot sa akin pero hindi ko kaya. Siguro dahil ito na ang nakasanayan ko. All of my co-teachers thinks that I am weird. Pero binabaliwala ko lang sila. Mahaba ang pasensiya ko para sa mga estudyante pero hindi ko maiwasang magalit at umiral ang pagkademonyo ko pero kinokontrol ko naman ang sarili ko. Being a moody person is not good for my job. I must control it before it ruins my career. Hindi ako yung klase nang tao na sweet, mapagmahal, magalang, at kung ano pang magagandang salita sa isang perpektong tao. Ako yung tipo na binabalewala lang ang mga taong nasa paligid ko. They say I'm a heartless woman. Hindi ko naman sila masisisi kung yun nga talaga ang nakikita nila sa akin. Siguro ganoon lang talaga ang tao. 'People change for two main reasons, either their minds have been open or they lose someone special.'

I only have one thing that made me happy and made me feel comfortable. The rain.

When I was a little I always play under the rain. Because it makes me feel that I'm not alone that there are billions of rain drops are on my side every night even day I always  wanted too feel the kisses of the rain drops. I don't care if it's cold or it will wet my clothes and thing's. I just wanted companies who will accept me who I am. And I believe that it's the rain.

I always wanted to feel the kisses of rain.

Itutuloy...