Just Bein' Gay

Chapter 2

This one is short as well!  :P

I decided, after over a year of trying to force those feelings out of my head, that what I needed was a guy to extinguish all those thoughts of myself being gay. I grew some form of attraction toward a boy in my Academic Exploration class. I didn't know why but, for some reason, his being made me want to be with him. Maybe it was his appearance. Maybe it was his personality. Whatever it was I will never know but, I knew that I was never going to rest easy until I had my chance to date him.

I knew for a fact that he was single but, believe it or not, I had never asked anyone out. I never had been attracted to anyone of the opposite sex before so, this was a first. Each day I was in the same class as him, my palms instantly began to sweat and my heart race. My nerves were working beyond human ability and the rest of the world seemed blank. After what seemed like years of suffering, I thought up the perfect strategy for asking this wonder out on a date.

I decided to write a note, like in the stupid romantic comedies that I was so obsessed with at the time. I swear to you, I wrote more than 3 notes with the same exact question on each one: "Will you go out with me?". But, every time I went to hand him the note after class, I had the worst form of nervousness possible. I felt as if I was going to throw up before I even walked up to him. I would always just have to clench my teeth and tell myself that today was just not the day. I would walk out of class sad and disappointed in myself. I would go to my locker to gather my things and, I would just throw the note in the top of my locker. It would just sit there, gathering dust.

After another couple of months, I decided that I needed a new strategy. I admit that I some-what stalked him. I had the brilliant idea to have someone do the dreaded task of asking him out for me and I needed to find out who was the closest to him. I watched how he acted toward certain people and, sooner or later I found what I was looking for: his best friend!

Jacob, his best friend was a some-what intelligent, quiet boy with the appearance that would leave some girls kissing at his feet. I knew who he was and we had actually talked a lot before. I had my eye on him as my potential choice. He knew my crush and that was all that mattered. I friended him on Facebook and decided to talk to him a little for a few days to better understand his relationship with my crush. He was his best friend and talked to him almost every day of the week. That was the answer that I had been hoping for!!

One evening, I decided that I just could not wait another second. I needed to have some answer to my questions. I needed to know if a crush was all that I was ever going to have. I logged on and opened up chat. I immediately began talking to Jacob. I, first, needed to break the ice; I couldn't just up right ask him to throw himself in the middle of all of this. As we talked I asked him if he had a girlfriend. His answer was very plain. The single word, NO popped up when he pressed send. I could feel the nervousness and anxiety literally come through the computer in his messages. Every person dreads the day that question is asked. But, it is more nerves than fear.

I don't know what organ or bone told me to but, I typed back that I knew someone who did! My body was numb as my fingers moved slowly savoring each word that I managed to type as if they were some kind of candy. He was confused and answered with the question "Who?". I typed the two letters in minutes rather than seconds. My body turning into goo. I could not think straight as I closed my eyes, blocking out what was about to happen. I felt my finger over SEND as I prepared myself as if it were a race. Taking long, drawn out, shaky breaths I moved my finger down just lightly tapping the dreaded button! I opened my eyes to see the answer to his question: "ME!!"