Just Bein' Gay

Chapter 3

AGAIN, this is a short one!

Wait, WHAT!! No, that wasn't what I wanted, but it was too late the message was now appearing in his inbox, and all I could do was sit quietly while inside I was throwing a tantrum. I was yelling and screaming at myself even though I knew that I would never get an explanation. "What are you doing!", "This isn't who you want!", "WHY!!". But, no amount of silent screams were going to bring back that message! I waited and waited for a new message to pop up. The seconds turning into minutes which, to me, felt like hours. My greatest fear coming alive: Rejection. I had never been turned down and the thought of it was like getting punched in the chest. Basically, it scared me shitless.

He answered back, "ok". I think he was wanting me to make the move and ask him out. And, that is exactly what I did. What was I thinking? I was missing the chance to be with the boy that I longed for, at the time. But, I was getting a chance to experience what a relationship with the opposite sex was like. He agreed to date me and I was more than ecstatic. I felt a little amount of flutter as those butterflies in my stomach did their job. But, I was scared as well. I had never been in a relationship so I had just thrown myself to the wolves. I had no idea what to do!

"Kayla, I think we should see other people!" I felt the heat rush to my face as I reread the text over and over again trying to comprehend what was happening. After 6 months with Jacob, he had the audacity to break up with me over the phone. I felt the hot tears sting at my eyes as my body reacted as expected when your heart has just been shattered into a million pieces. "No don't do this, what have I done wrong. Whatever it is I can fix it, PLEASE". I let go of all dignity I had and just had my break down. Luckily, I was in my room so no one could hear the soft whimpers escape my lips. The tears coming down in pints. I cried until I couldn't cry any longer. After about 30 minutes, my mom came in to try her best to comfort me. But to no avail. I was heartbroken and no amount of solace was going to fix it. I cried for two, long, grueling hours. Never once holding back as I tried to explain that my love was gone.

The breakup between Jacob and I was one that I will never forget. It was the first time someone else shattered my fragile heart so, it was an event that will forever hold a place in my mind. The experience itself was not the only tragic thing, afterwards, Jacob and I never spoke a single word to each other. It also did a number to my emotional health. The experience lowered my self-esteem to the lowest point possible. I thought that it was my fault that he had broken up with me. I wondered if it was because I was not good enough. That I was not pretty enough, that I was not funny enough, and that I was not worth his time. It was a dilemma that had its upsides, however. It destroyed a great friendship but, at the same time, it made me a stronger, more independent person. After more than a week after the incident, I realized he would be missing out on being with someone as amazing as me! (Even thought that sounds extremely selfish).