We were together, I had my head on his chest, we were holding hands...
The sun light was entering the room through the window, the night before we forgot to close the curtains.
I picked up the phone to check the time, and when I saw "10:00" on the screen, I woke up Bryan.
< Good morning baby! It's 10am, we slept till now... > I said. He moved, yawned and said: < Good morning princess! What's the problem? >. < Maybe your friends were waiting for you at home, Anita must be back already... What did she think when she saw us together this morning? Oh my god... > < Babe, don't worry. My friends weren't waiting for me, I warned them last night that I would sleep at your place. > < Let's check if Anita is home! > I said. We got up, he wore a t-shirt 'cause he was shirtless, and we took a tour of the house to see if Anita had returned.
We didn't find her, so I kissed Bryan and said: < Thank goodness, she's not here. > He laughed.
Then I said: < I'm gonna go take a shower, you get your things in my room, then we'll have breakfast... > < Okay! > he said.
I put on some music and, on the notes of "slow motion", I entered the shower.
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After 15 minutes, I went back to my room and found Bryan reading something. He had my diary in his hands, looking through the pages with a worried face.
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I ripped it out of his hands furiously, in the last pages the diary contained a secret of which only my best friend Anita knew, not even my parents.
< What the fuck are you doing? Who gave you the permission to read my diary? > I said. < I'm so so so sorry Sara, I didn't mean to hurt you... I found it here, I didn't even think it was a diary. I opened it and began to read, arrived at the last pages I discover- > I interrupted him.
< Don't tell me you've read the latest pages... > I asked. < Um, yes... Can we talk about what I read? > < I don't want to, you absolutely shouldn't have read my diary... Now go home, I don't wanna see you or talk to you!!! > I pushed him away out of my bedroom.
< Wait, I wanna talk to you about this... please, I wanna help you! > < Don't, just go away... > I started crying, leaned against the door. < OK, but, I love you so much princess. Call me when you're ready... >
After about 5 minutes, I heard the front door slam.
* every day, every minute, every fucking second, I can't help but think about what happened 2 years ago... I can't stand this anymore! I can still relive the image of all the bruises on my body as soon as I woke up that morning, I can still feel his mighty hands shake my neck till I hurt myself, I can still feel his mighty hands shake my wrists to keep me still while he raped me... This feelings are always here with me, they never leave me alone. I'm just tired, I'm done. Why me? What did I do?*
This is what Bryan had read that morning.
I kept crying, until I heard a noise of keys outside the front door. It was Anita.
As soon as she passed the door, I ran to hug her, with tears in my eyes.
< What happened? Are you okay? What's the problem? > she asked. I showed up and she said: < Of course you're not okay. Tell me what happened, step by step, slowly. >
We went to my bedroom and I started talking: < This morning, after we woke up, I took a shower. When I went back to my bedroom, I found him with my diary in his hands, reading the last pages. > < So, you think he read about your rape? > she asked. < Of course, he told me that he wanted to talk about it, that he wanted to help me... I'm scared, I didn't want him to know my past, I can't have a relationship with someone who knows it... my parents don't even know! > < Stop, do you love Bryan? > < Of course, I love him so so much... > < So, problem solved. He is ready to help you with it. How do you feel since you found him? You think less about your past? > < Yeah, I've never felt so good in my life. But he won't be able to stand my past. > < Sara, do what you wanna do. This is your life. My advice: call Bryan right now. You have to be his girlfriend, you love him so much and he loves you so much... You deserve someone like Bryan Williams. >
I decided not to call Bryan in that moment. I wanted to prepare a valid speech.
The day passed quickly, there were many messages I received from Bryan, but I never answered.
