Big Bird goes to Meijer

big bird takes Laura to meet his ex husband and they do a big nono

"it time to go to Bikini Bottom." Bird big announcements.
"For what? You just fuggin murdered the guy who pays for this shit hole. It's not like we can just ascend to Heaven." Laura responded as big bird ascended her to Heaven.

Well, it's less Heaven, more giant Mansion in the sky made out of rock candy refined to look like colorful, delicious Marble. But before they got to Big Bird's house, they had to go through his neighborhood. 

Big bird walked his Fiance down the "Perfection Avenue" Where Laura could immediately recognize a few characters there. A large house apparently belonging to all the season 1 Total Drama Island ships. Just season 1. Laura only watched season one so she guessed that the new ships weren't so borderline amazing. Alright, moving on...
Next, a building that looked sorta like a colosseum as big as a literal planet with the label, "Avatar: The Last Airbender" printed in flashy Neon lights across it. Laura wondered if the Legend of Korra was included, but her questions was immediately answers when she looked across the street to find a building just as large as the Avatar one, but with "Legend of Korra" sprawled across it instead. She took a mental note to visit sometime and moved on.

Soon, she and big bird got to a street labeled, "Ironic Enjoyment Blvd." Where she laughed at many-a Tomtord smuts. There was one of those billboard advertisement things you see on the sides of Highways, with the words, "when life gives you lemons, write fanfiction" plastered across it in bright red and green Comic Sans. They wandered down the street, seeing things like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer cussing people out and Rwby characters getting blow jobs via Blippi in his Recycling Truck. Soon enough, they waved to Sans Undertale himself and finally got to Big Bird's house. Like I said, giant rock candy Mansion in the sky. Outside, a small 4 year old was watching a watch when it looked up and screeched, 

"DAMN IT BIG BIRD, YOU'RE 2 MINUTES LATE! AND WHO'S THE GOTH BITCH? OUR PRODIGY CANNOT BE AROUND SUCH GARBAGE." Being Laura, she almost thought the child looked like a pentagram built with minimal space in Minecraft. The figure stroked the head of a girl, probably 7 or 8, as it yelled at Laura's sugar daddy.

"Caillou! Sorry man, totally forgot you were coming!" He held out his arms. "And our favorite daughter! Hey Dora, give your dad a hug." Big bird smiled. The girl, who Laura recognized as Dora the Explorer pushed the somehow larger child away before running up and hugging Big Bird. 

"Hey, Big Bird. Long time no see. Who's the chick?" She gestured toward Laura.
"Oh, this is my girlfriend. Found her at a local Meijer down in Massachusetts. Laura, give a warm welcome to my brother, ex-husband, and father of a couple of prophets, Caillou."

Laura waved awkwardly as the child's everlasting grin studied her. "Such a fine specimen. Welcome to my brother's strip club."

"Ha, thanks." Laura smiled awkwardly. "Hey Big Bird, can I talk to you for a second?" She said urgently.

"Of course, love. Follow me." Big Bird beckoned her to follow him. She did, and soon enough, they went inside and Big Bird used the opportunity to give her a tour of his Mansion.

The floor of the rock candy home was made of clouds. Laura always dreamed of walking on clouds, and this was absolutely living up to her expectations. She eventually took off her shoes to feel the cotton-like fluff under her feet. Big Bird took her around most rooms in the house.

"This is the bathroom. You might have noticed there is no toilet. You just sit on that chair with the hole in it and dump. It connects to a portal that pours your shit on Hitler's grave. I must have approved his Human application by accident. Probably forgot to turn off "auto-approval". Oh well, he's dead now." Big Bird shrugs and moves on. Laura realized the chair was made out of pillows for maximum comfort. Nice. Anyway,

Soon enough, they made it to a spiral staircase leading up farther into the clouds. This floor didn't have walls, so Laura could see the gorgeous blue sky. Or was it purple? Laura asked about it and Big Bird responded saying the sky changed colors every day. It also was 65 degrees all the time and it never rained. You know, I think they did ascend to Heaven.

They soon end up in Big Bird's master suite, which had a lake-like pool with a waterfall and a small boat floating peacefully on it's surface. Honestly, it looked more like an oasis in a mountain range. There were rocks around the waterfall, with an island in the middle. Small koi swam in the lake, and beautiful pink Sakura trees grew everywhere. On the island, on top of the waterfall, and even around the room. Several exotic animals roamed the area. Mainly Siberian tigers, hummingbirds, and small rodents. Immediately, a hedgehog ran up to big bird and crawled up his leg. The animal snuggles with the Biggest Bird. After, it hops down and scurries away to a small den with its family. In the middle of it all, a small grassy hill with a big throne on top. Laura stepped into the grass. It wasn't scratchy at all. It felt like the grass Bob Ross would paint. It looked and felt so soft, Laura wanted to lay in it. And lay in it she did.

So comfortable...

"So, dear, what did you need to speak to me about?" Big Bird smiled generally. It made Laura feel all fuzzy inside. She never felt this calm before.  So... At peace. It was strange, but she liked it.

"Well, you mentioned that Caillou is your brother. And that you have kids with him.. Are you two really related, or like, do you just say that platonically?" She asked, grimace covering her face.

"Oh, yes. He's my brother. And I did in fact have many sons with him. But they were created to carry out our- or his, legacy. They are more like prophets then children, but we did indeed use sexual intercourse to create each of them. We wanted to stay true to the humans we were ruling. Only Dora we didn't birth. She spread so much useless knowledge around the galaxies we knew she was useful, and she had a firm belief in my brother, so we used her as a vessel for our purposes. We think of her as our daughter, but she does have parents and other family. She's very intelligent for a human." Big Bird explains.

"So you practiced incest.?" Laura concluded.

Big Bird laughed. Powerful and grand. "In a way, I suppose so!"

"Alright whatever" Laura said. She expected herself to have a stronger reaction. But I guess having a God for a boyfriend comes with some weird shit so welcome to the freak show

Also big bird totally seduced her after that and they did a big sexy nono adult rated r naked big boy times with sperm and nakedness ur somtin,,,,,,,,,,

Jesus Christ this is a long chapter. Hope it was worth it :>

Also rip first version of this chapter because it got deleted :DDD im sad