Big Bird goes to Meijer

Laura gets perginat and gives life to a walnut (separately)

Big Bird and Laura, now married, were sitting down at the dining table, enjoying a nice meal of children's tears and Chick fil A when Laura spontaneously vomits.

"Oh my, are the tears that salty? Tsk tsk.." Big Bird cleans the puke off the floor and sends Laura to bed.

"What? No, they were delicious. I guess I just have the stomach bug." Laura shrugs as Big Bird tucks her in. He kisses her forehead.

"Hate to break it to you, hun, but there is no possible way to get sick up here."

Laura's eyes open "Oh. That's weird. Whatever. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, darling. Sleep tight, and don't let the Roblox Noob bite." He smiles at leaves, turning off the sky as he walks away. Soon after, Laura feels a peircing pain on her finger and pulls it from the covers to see a yellow blocky thing biting her pinky. She shakes the Noob off and falls into a long, comfortable sleep.

Until she wakes up at 2 AM and barfs again.

She rests her arm on the counter next to the Hitler Hole, holding herself above portal with nothing but sickness in her stomach. Or so she thought.

A few months later she began to feel quite bloated. This confused her, considering she hadn't had her period in a while. But she knew this feeling. And for once, she was excited.

She was pregnant.

She's been pregnant one time before, when she was 15. After Jacob... Did incest... Ew... Anyway, he found out after a while, and killed her unborn baby. She was devastated, and spent 6 months secluded in her room, only leaving to take the money she pickpocketdd to buy some snacks from a dollar store. She put her waste in a plastic bag and the trash guy was nice enough to take it out for her. But this.. was different. She was happy. She was going to have a family with a guy she actually loved. The family she never had.

alright backstory time

Her father left before she was born, shocker, and her mother married the dipshit that was Jacob. Lemme tell you, he probably Aced manipulation in school. He was kind and funny around her, but when Laura was alone with him, buckle up because he was the worst person alive. He only began molesting her after her mom left for deployment when Laura was 12. She really misses her mom. More than anything. Even more than that pet hamster named Barnaby she had when she was younger. Newsflash: it pooped on the couch so Jacob chucked it out the window. Yeowch.

"Big Bird!" Laura called.

"Yes?" He replied.

"I'm having your baby, doofus!" She grinned.

He smiled. "That's wonderful! Oh darling, you'll be a fantastic mother." He picked her up and spun her around. They laughed for a while then collapsed on the clouds. Big Bird pecked her forehead. (No pun intended)

A while later...

They were talking to a good friendh of there's, Ricky Owens from Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated when all of a sudden, a clear liquid began spilling from under Laura's skirt and she clutched her stomach. "Holy shit, dude," she gasped. And Big Bird rushed her to the Hospital.

A few hours later, their little Ray of sunshine emerged, and... Holy pickled dicks, is that Bonnie from FNAF? What the fuuu-

"Aw." Laura stared at her newborn. "He's cuter than I thought, be it he's technically a robot."

"Not exactly. He just looks like one. This baby is an actual meat person."

Laura smiled. "Cool. Welcome to hell, little dude."

Later, Laura finds a walnut on the ground, suffocating. She gives it CPR and it thanks her by making her be cured of her chronic depression. For the first time since her mother left for Afghanistan, she was crying tears of joy. She had a husband, a baby, she was happy.

And it was good...

This whole chapter was kinda really bad and bonkers so I tried to make it better with the walnut thing
thanks for coming