my friends brother

2

(A/N) TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF SELF HARM

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Ashton's POV*

The room was steamy as I stepped into the shower, immediately hissing in pain as the hot water hit the cuts and scars littering my thighs, stomach, hips, and wrists. Self harm was my worst habit. Actually it was more like an addiction. It had started when I was 14, shortly after I came out. I was bullied constantly for being gay. I just don't understand why people feel the need to be so rude and hateful. It was who I was. I didn't think there was anything wrong with my sexuality. For a while I was convinced I was just disgusting, like they all said. I began to hate myself

Then one night, it all got too much. I was home alone one night on my laptop, and I had just posted a picture on Facebook. The hateful comments began to flood in almost immediately after I posted it.

"Faggot"
"Gay"
"Worthless homo"
"Disgusting"
"Ugly"

I saw all those terrible things they were saying about me, and I began to believe them. I stood in front of the mirror and began to sob, as the hatred for the person I saw in my reflection grew.

I yelled out in pain as my open palm collided with the smooth surface of the glass, shattering it all over the room, leaving cuts on my hand. But then I got an idea. I picked up a medium sized piece of glass, then dragged it along the smooth surface of my arm, leaving a cut not too deep, but deep enough to draw blood.

And I guess that's when it all started. From then on cutting became a daily thing for me. A lot of the time I'm not even particularly depressed when I do it. It's like, I get days when I'm so sad that I don't even have the energy to move. When I feel like breathing requires as much strength as it would take to lift a car. Those aren't the days when I feel the need to hurt myself. It's always when I'm doing okay. When I'm doing tolerable well. That's when I see a picture of a scarred wrist on my tumblr dash, or I hear the word "cut" in every day conversation, or it's 3:32 am and my brain is telling me to tear into my veins. That's when it all falls apart.

I break myself from that train of thought then quickly shampoo and condition my hair, wash my body, twist the knob on the shower, then step out, wrapping a towel around the lower half of my body. After brushing my teeth then drying my curls, I get dressed in a black tank top with (you guessed it) black skinny jeans. Then, just for the hell of it, I added a bandana around my head. It's gonna get colder soon with autumn approaching, so soon I'll have to get a wardrobe other than band tank tops.

It occurred to me that I would need an excuse to go outside besides "I think the tall guy is hot and I'm here to flirt", since I've literally gone outside once since we moved in 2 months ago, and that was when the neighbors across the street got in a fist fight. So I decided to act like I was casually listening to music and watching my brothers play soccer.

I grabbed my white iPhone, and plugged in my earbuds. Then I opened the music app and clicked play, and 'Evening Sun' by The Strokes began playing. I walked down the steps and out the back door, sitting on the porch in a plastic lawn chair.

I looked up, and sure enough, the tall boy was still there, playing football with my brothers, just as beautiful as ever. Now the previous song was over, and the song playing was 'Love is a Laserquest' by Arctic Monkeys. I smirked a little and began to lightly sing under my breath.

"And do you still think love is a laserquest,
Or do you take it all more seriously?
I've tried to ask you this
In some daydreams that I've had
But you're always busy being make believe.
And do you look into the mirror to remind yourself you're there?"

I didn't get very far into the song, when I felt that I was being watched. I looked up from my screen and basically almost pissed myself because right in front of me was the extremely cute guy that I had been thinking of since I woke up. And let me just say, he was so much more beautiful up close. My face quickly reddened when I realized that he had probably heard me singing.

"Shit, uh- I.. I'm s-sorry frick um that was terrible m-most likely.. I uh, I don't usually uh, s-sing like that I-" I stuttered pathetically as I ripped my earbuds out of my ears. Didn't I mention that I had a hard time talking to people I had just met? And it didn't help that this person had just heard my shitty singing voice, and I happened to have a gigantic crush on him.

"No, actually" he cut me off "I thought it was pretty good. I'm Luke by the way. What was that song called?"

"It.. It was Love is a Laserquest b-by Arctic Monkeys.. And I'm Ashton."

"Ashton.. I've never met anyone named Ashton before. And I've never heard of that song.. Or that band. What did you say they were called?"

"Arctic Monkeys. They're my favourite of all time. They're really amazing. You should defiantly check them out some time" the only thing I am ever confident about is music. When talking about music, I voice whatever opinion I have. Something about music just clicks for me.

"I will definitely do that, but I have to go, because my mum is probably wondering where I've gone off to, and I don't have my phone on me so I can't call her. So I'll catch you later. Bye Ashton!" He said with a smile. He had a dimple. A cute lil dimple. I had two dimples but I always thought they were ugly. But his dimple was the best dimple of all.

"Bye Luke!" I said, and I smiled just as big, not caring if I showed my dimples.

That night, thinking about the conversation I'd had with Luke, I remembered how he said he had to check in with his mum. He lived with his mum, so he defiantly wasn't in his 20's like I suspected. I didn't even know if he was into guys. I was going way overboard with this. But there was still the possibility. And even if he was straight, he was here. He was a friend, and he made me smile the first real smile that I'd smiled in a long time.

I think I might not hate living here as much as I thought.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(A/N) soz for writing triggering stuff it's part of the theme :(
but if u r gonna be tempted to hurt urself if you read abt it then dONT READ IT FRIEND OK ILU stay strong ur a beautiful lil flower okok ily pals
- Alisa