Incandescent

Chapter 19

Love, to most people, was a gift. It was a source of joy, a blessing of some sort and no less than a miracle. But it was an affliction to some and Arnav had always thought that was what it was to him. The emotion that everyone claimed was the center of the world's being, he had seen the destructive side of it more than he had, the goodness.

He thought of all he had said to her or rather not said to her, and her words kept resonating in his head. She had wordlessly pleaded him to give some sort of reassurance even as she said she wasn't going to put him on spot and he had been too blind and too stubborn to give her that, even after what she was going through. Her words seemed to catch something in his heart.

What had he done?

He went back home that night knowing he could just go to her apartment right now and right all the wrong.

What if she had already left with her parents? That was what she had told him and Khushi wasn't one to give ultimatums or empty threats.

His past shouldn't matter. All he could think about was whether he could get the happiness she could give him from anyone or anything else? Can he ever be happy knowing she was unhappy and can he ever be happy with his ideologies knowing it had cost him the one good thing that had ever happened to him?

Devyani Raizada's face took on a softer, kinder and to some extent even pitying expression as she watched her grandson asleep on the recliner in his room, still fully dressed. He hadn't even removed his shoes and his face had a two week's growth of beard. This had been the new norm in their lives for the past month, ever since she had heard that the girl left him. She had always thought Arnav suffered from borderline OCD and this sort of disarray in his life was new. He was frustrated and tired and she couldn't help but feel sorry for the state he had brought upon himself. She was also touched by the vulnerability his sleeping form displayed. They had heard about everything that happened through Payal and Devyani had initially thought it was good riddance but she wasn't sure anymore. May be Anjali had been right in her predictions. And this had not been a casual relationship from Arnav's side.

•••

"Amma, I'm full. Please, no more puris," Khushi said dispassionately gazing at her plate of hot steaming puri and aloo. Her once favorite breakfast.

"You haven't even eaten anything. How is it enough?" Garima asked and when Khushi gave her a look, she said, "Fine," and disappeared into the kitchen to bring her a glass of water.

Khushi was aware of her father's eyes on her, sitting at the other end of the table.

"How long are you going to go on like this?" Garima said passing the glass to her.

She met her mother's eyes and remembered everything as if it had happened yesterday. She really did not feel much resentment towards her mother as she would have a year ago, for somehow, her mother's meddling had led her to finding Arnav. And that, she would never regret even if there was no happily ever after written in her destiny. She decided to remain silent and munched upon the food in her plate.

"Khushi, I don't want you to spend your days like this. I am your mother and I can't listen to your silent crying at nights anymore. It breaks my heart. I want my bitiya back... bubbly, loving and full of sunshine..."

"I haven't changed, Amma. I am the same," Khushi said.

"There's a difference between actually living and pretending. What you are doing is—

"Garima..." Shashi started saying but she stopped him saying, "let me speak today..."

"Arnav Singh Raizada is not in our league, Khushi. It was stupid enough that you say you fell in love with him. You gave your everything and see what that brought you? You don't want us to interfere, fine. But you can't go on living like this... You can ask me who I am to say all this to you now when I am the reason—