In A Hopeless Place

Chapter 20

I'm choking back the sobs that were threatening to come out.

Paul sets the coffee down in front of me. I just stare at the beverage. I don't touch it.

Paul sits down in front of me and I glare at him.

I hate him.

He shot Zayn.

He shot my Zayn.

He killed him.

"Carter, I'm so glad I found you," he says and I don't respond. "We've been looking for you for so long. When I saw that you weren't in the car, I panicked."

I take a shaky breath. "You killed him." My voice was wavering and my body was trembling. "If anyone should go to jail, it's you." I wipe my tear stained cheeks, but it was pointless since more seemed to keep falling.

"Carter," he said gently, "he was taking you. He's kept you for too long. I didn't want him to hurt-"

"He wasn't hurting me!" I yell at him defensively. "He's my friend and I love him!"

That catches him off guard.

"Carter, no you don't. You're confused. You're traumatized from seeing this happen for a second time."

"No! I love him, Paul! I hate you and I love him! He was mine! He didn't want me at that fight because he was afraid that I would get hurt! He cared for me! You shot an innocent man! I hope you live with that guilt for the rest of your life!"

"Carter, you don't love him-"

"And how would you know?! You're too focused on the fucking law! You don't know a damn thing! He's innocent! He would never hurt me! He got scared, so he took my hand because he thought I was in danger and you shot him! He was trying to save me! You scared him! Being with him and away from the rest of you was the best thing I've ever done in my entire life!"

I hold back a sob and try to swallow the lump in my throat.

"If he dies... I die."

I know that I wouldn't be able to live without him.

Paul must think that I was being over dramatic and the average human would think that I was mental and over dramatic, but they just didn't understand.

I didn't realize how much Zayn meant to me, until now.

"Carter! Don't even say that!" Paul snaps.

"Well, it's true!" My eyes started to get watery again. "I can't live without him, Paul! He's my everything now! If he dies...I...I won't be able to get through the night. I won't be able to ...I can't do it without him, Paul." He sighed. "I need him."

"Why? Why do you love him? Why did you get out of the car? Why did you become one of them?" He asks and grabs my wrist, pointing at the tattoo.

"I don't know why I love him, I just do. I got out of the car because I was sick and tired of being told what to do and being looked down on. I wanted an adventure. I became one of them because I felt like I belonged there. They're my friends. They're my family."

"Family?" He seemed amused and I glared at him.

"You'll never understand," I spit at him and he nods, but I knew that he didn't understand. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to you. We got Zayn to a hospital. Carter, I didn't mean to shoot. I thought he was taking you."

"If he was taking me, I would've called for your help. I would've tried to get away from him. You saw me running with him and you still shot! Why are you so cruel? Cops are supposed to save lives, not take them. What am I going to do if he dies? He's my world. I can't lose him. I just can't. Why didn't you shoot me instead?"

"Carter. Carter, come on, you'll be okay. You got through it once, you can get through it again-"

"Don't you dare say that to me! You don't get it! Even after I've tried to tell you! You- You still d-don't get it! My parents were one horrible thing, but Zayn's a whole other!"

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How was your guys' thanksgiving? Did any of you go Black Friday shopping?

Anyway, here's another chappie :)

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-Abby xx