Luna's Guide To Surviving the 21st Century

Rule 10: Cheating & Break-ups

Cheating is one of the main reasons people break up. Because sleeping with or kissing another person seems to really get under people's skin for some reason. I'm kidding; I obviously know the reason. Its kind of like a new chink in the armor. But usually, don't people cheat because they're already unhappy with their relationship? So isn't the relationship usually already somewhat doomed if one of them cheat? I mean, I could be wrong; people may cheat for a variety of different reason: long-distance relationship, an arguement that really hit them hard, someone else is hotter, ecetra. But it just feels like disatisfaction with their current relationship is like their number one reason. Then there's the fight. Yes, we all know the Fight. Yes, the fight that ends all fights...in that paticular relationship that is. And it always seems to start similarly. Either:

Girl: Um, Brandon. Why are these bras in your drawer? {I dunno what she found as evidence! Just roll with it!}

Brandon: Uhhhhhh....Katie, um, I can explain...

Or...

Brandon: *after a very happy evening with his girlfriend, he feels guilty. Dude, she'll get it. We love each other so hat means something even though I cheated on her* {snort of laughter at that} Hey, Katie, we need to talk...

Oooo, I hate that 'we need to talk thing.' Honestly, when has anyone ever been about to say something good after saying 'we need to talk?' It's never like 'we need to talk. World Peace has finally won' or 'we need to talk. We're actually getting you a puppy instead of going to the dentist.' No, it's always like, 'Sir, I'm sorry but you have cancer,' 'Jenny, dad died,' 'He's not gonna make it,' or 'I cheated on you.' No, it's never a good thing when someone adds the 'we need to talk.' So if someone says that, you're pretty much gonna start preparing for the worst.

So that break up fight (which I've actually never been in FYI; for me, it's usually the dude just like 'yeah, we're over' through a text or something. But believe me, I still know what I'm talking about cuz my friends talk about all the time and I think about what I'll do if the day ever comes when I need to do this). Ever notice how each party ends up shoving shit in the other person's face that they hated about each other? Sometimes they didn't even had a problem with this quirk they're complaining about; they just are looking for more ammo or something. It's like:

Katie (let's just use these two again): *standing there with a missile launcher* You know when I said you're scrambled eggs were the best in the world? They're awful! I lied! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! *fires the missile* OR

Katie: I lied! I hated your mother!

It feels like in more adult breakups, it comes back to the parents. "You're just like your father/mother!" It's really kinda sad. But it's more like more ammo in their eyes or something. Like in the heat of the conflict or something. Shitty stuff is always said to each other then. I feel like Austin Powers in the second movie had the weirdest yet easy break-up ever. No room for any lingering feelings for a fem bot. Anyway, careful with break ups. Careful with your ammo.