The Midnight Rebellion

Chapter 9: Inner Battles

That night, Nyx lay awake all night thinking about how she had failed to get the words out. How she had tripped over the words and swallowed them whole without getting out a single one of them. Orion had just looked at her. Deep in thought and with sad eyes. It had been deeply unnerving. She did not understand that look. Did not understand why he seemed so lost and sad. 

But most of all she was embarrassed. 

She wanted to tell him so badly about her feelings. Felt like she would explode. It had been the perfect chance and yet she'd blown it. She thought about all the other times she could have told him. But then again, what did it matter? He liked Narcissa. What would he have said to Nyx about her feelings if she'd gotten the words out? Would he have laughed it off? Would he have felt the same? 

Her thoughts were swirling wildly through her head. She imagined Orion kissing her. Telling her that he loved her and no one else. That he dumped Narcissa and never wanted to talk to her again. 

Nyx buried her face in her pillow. This was all such a mess! Tears began to flow. Her heart clenched and ached. What would Atlas do?

And just like that, she froze mid thought as that little voice inside of her brought up that name. By voicing that name, the lock she had put on that hidden chest in her heart cracked a little. The emotions beneath rattling and swirling trying to burst free. Fearing even more emotional chaos, she shoved all thoughts of Atlas down again. This could not be happening right now.

She thought about how she kept pushing her unwanted emotions away. Thought about the village and her early childhood. She would die for some of Georgia's homemade cookies fresh from the oven and a warm hug from the old woman. 

The thoughts only made her sob more. 

After an hour of crying her heart out, leaving her pillow drenched, Nyx got up out of bed and paced through her room. She hugged herself as if somehow it could keep her together. 

At some point she stopped walking and breathed in deeply. Weary hands dragged over her tear streaked face. She had to get a grip on herself. She needed to stop spiraling. She closed her eyes.

Another deep breath. 

Just breathe, Nyx, she kept telling herself. Breathe. 

When she opened her eyes, she looked to her desk. Two carved chess pieces stood atop it. The black and the white queen. Her birthday gift for Orion when he turned nineteen next week. As did she. The two game figures were for Orion's chess game that she had made him once. Now she kept adding self-carved little figures to it each year. 

This year, it would be the queens. 

Two queens.

Nyx picked them up. The white queen had turned out a little taller than the black queen. Her features were grim and determined. The black queen with her wings and mischievous grin made Nyx smile. She'd carved the little figure after her own features. The only thing setting the two of them apart, was the proud midnight crown on top of the little figurine's head. 

That was when her heart's sorrow rushed back at her at full force. That would never be her. She would never wear a crown. Would never been queen. Let alone Orion's queen. She was military. He was nobility. There was no possibility of that ever happening. Queen Rhea would probably throw a huge fit and King Deimos...

A shudder ran down Nyx' spine. King Deimos would most certainly not limit himself to throwing a fit. The union between Orion and Nyx would be against the law. King Deimos could cut off her wings for even thinking romantically about his son.