the widow

Matt had just graduated from Bible college. He went to a fundamental baptist university. He was excited to go back to his home church .he really wanted to Hit the ground running.  He got good grades at college. He served as a room advisor on his floor at his dorm.  He was class president. He had a good reputation. He was known as a person of good character. 
The church had a cookout After the main service. They had a good size yard. They set up tables and chairs. The church had a girl. Several people brought there's.  It was a time of really good fellowship. The church was one big family.
Matt saw Jenifer parker. Jenifer was a widow. Her late husband had been pastor of the church. He died shortly after she gave birth to there daughter Chrissy.   She was now a single mom of four kids at age 33.  She wore a purple button-down shirt and denim skirt and sandals.
He went over to her. "Hello Mrs. Parker," Matt said. "Hello, Mathew," she said. She smiled. "I wanted to say hello. I had not really got to talk to you since I got back., he said.
"Well welcome back. I am So glad to have you back," she said. "Thanks, I am glad to.be back. I loved college. I am ready to be back." He said. "You have been missed." She said. "Thanks that means a lot," he said in response.
"How are you doing?" He asked. She had a canned answer. She had a real answer..she wanted to give the real answer. "Do you want the real answer or a canned answer?" She asked."the real answer. "He said.
" most of the time I am fine. I have good days. Other times it hit me like a ton of bricks. I miss him. Everyone else had moved on. I understand. I keep realizing he is gone. I never dated anyone but him. I was 19 when we married. I never lived outside of the home. He is the only person I have ever loved.   I am just numb a lot of the time. I am not angry with God. I understand it was his.time. he did what he was supposed to do. "She said.
" I understand. I would feel the same way. "He said. " I just don't know what now. My identity was tied up in him. What do I do now?" Did she say? "You have done an amazing job with the kids. I know that pastor Parker would be so pleased," he said.
"He loved those kids. I am making a scrapbook for the kids. Chrisy was three mouths when he died.i have a lot of pictures of those two.  Lindsey was daddy's little girl. " she said. "I remember. Hold on to those memories," he said.
"So enough about me, what are your plans?" She asked. "I am going to work construction for.my uncle. Pastor Dale has agreed to mentor me. I am going to doing a biblical survey course for Sunday school and work towards ordination. Then I am not sure. " he said.
"I appreciated the card you sent. I could not look at any of the cards until six months later. It was a real encouragement. " she said. "I was hoping you will find it on a bad day. I meant it," he said. "It helped. Thank you. Your a social young man mathew. Both Doug and I had a great deal of respect for you. " she said. "That means a lot. I have had always had a great deal of respect for you," he said. "Thank you. I should go round up my kids," she said.
"As I said I work construction. Of you need anything just ask. If you need repair work or anything " he said. "I will keep that in mind. Thank you," she said.   
Both would come to see this as the begging of there relationship. A relationship that would one day lead to marriage.
That afternoon, he could not get the conservation with her out of his mind. He enjoyed the conservation he enjoyed talking to Mrs. Parker. He hoped for another opportunity to talk to her.
She took the kids home and put them down for a nap before the evening service. She thought about her conversation with mattew. She had not had a meaningful conversation like that in quite a while.  She was surprised that she felt that way.   That was not like her.
Perhaps she was lonely. She was not sure. She decided not to give it too much thought.
At the evening service, he saw her and he smiled. She was not expecting that smile. She smiled back.  That night he offered to help her get the kids into the van. She was surprised but agreed. Apparently, she had been offered help but declined.
He put Chrisy into a car seat like it was a rocket ship. He made sound effects. She giggled  Lindsey wanted sound effects too. He put her in a booster seat. He closed the van.
"Thank you, Matthew," he said. 'Not a problem Mrs. Parker. "He said.
They continued to talk at church. He would greet her. He helped her get the kids into the van.
One day, she was having a bad day. She felt sad all day. She did not feel like doing anything. That was not like her. She felt numb. She decided she needed to talk to someone. At first, she talked to people she trusted.   She started to go inward. She tried to fight things on her own. She kept things to herself. She feared what people would think of her. She was a pastor's wife. Pastors' wives did not get depressed. She could not Bear people thinking that she was not superhuman. 
She could not handle it anymore. She was too down in the dumps. She had to talk to someone. She did not Really trust pastor dale. She liked him but was not close to him.
She thought of one person she did trust. Mathew. She was not sure that she should. Should she bother him? Was it wrong to burden him with this? She decided to risk it and call him.
She did not have his number. She had to look it up.  She found it in the church directory. She stared at his number for a couple of seconds.   She decided to press the call button. It was too late now she thought.
Matt was at home. He did not recognize the number but said hello. It was a local number so he figured it was someone from the church or church-related. 
" hello this is mathew grant," he said. "Hi, matt it's Jen. Jen Parker." She said. "Hi," he said. "Look matty, is this a good time to talk?" She asked. "This is a fine time," he said. "I just need someone to talk to." She said. "Of course, what's going on?" He asked.
"I am not ok. I just feel numb. I have felt this way all day. I just want to stay in bed. I can't function.  I feel frazzled.i can't even describe it. "She said.
Did you feel this before?" He asked. "On and off but not like this. Yesterday I felt fine. It just came on this morning and I can't Shake it. " she said.
"You said you feel numb?" He asked."yes I feel empty. I feel ick. It's like a heaviness. "She said.
" it's ok to not be ok. Don't rush to be back. Don't be in a hurry to be back to where You were. Seek the Lord. "He said.
" I know. "She said. " you do believe that the lord is good?" He asked."yes I do. "She said. " you do know that he loves you. "He said. " I do know that. I do believe that. "She said. " are you angry with him for taking pastor Parker?" He asked. "No, I can honestly say I am not. I never was. I just don't get it matty. It does not make sense. As a woman, my ministry is to fellow ladies, to children, to my children, and to my husband. Doug started a church, the church was doing well. We were serving the Lord. Why bring him home now? " she said she just to cry.
"Pastor Parker did what the Lord had for him to do. His job is complete. His job was to plant the seed. It was his time. You know he is the happiest he has ever been?" He said."i know that. I think about that moment. Him seeing his lord.  What an amazing thing.  I never dated anyone else. He was a summer intern at the church my dad pastored. He stayed in an apartment we made for visiting speakers, missionaries, etc.   We hit it off. He and we're in love.  We never lost that work. It was not a mushy thing. It was there. We grew more in love.  "She said.
" I could tell that you two were in love. "He said. " my life was intertwined with his. My identity was tied to him. I was fine with that. What now? Where do I fit in now?" She asked?
"The lord still has plans for you. He is still using you. I know that people see you as a blessing. How you carry yourself. How you conduct yourself. You have a reputation as a godly lady. I want my sisters to follow your pattern.   " he said.
"Thank you..that is sweet of you to say," she said. "I mean it Mrs parker. "He said." I know you do. Thank you so much." she said.
"God is not finished with you. He has things for you to do. You have your kids, you have your ministry to ladies and children In the church. " he said.
"I know that," she said. "Are you considering harming yourself?" He asked. "No, I am not." She said."have you considered harming yourself?" He asked "it's crossed my mind. I never actually considered doing it. It was a passing thought. " she said.
"The Lord wants you to hear. He had things for you to do. Suicide is never his will. When it is time he will bring you home. He has not abandoned you.  " he said
"I know that. "She said. " if you take your life, your kids will never get over it. Your extended family will never get over it. The church will never get over it. I can tell you honestly I will never get over it. I am not trying to guilt you.  I want to tell you the truth. "He said." I know that. "She said
" I know you feel alone. You're not alone. The lord has not abandoned you. He loves you. He is done with you. He has a plan for you. The church is here for you. I personally am here for you. "He said." Thank you." she said.
The next time she saw him at church, she went up to him. "Thank you so much for our talk. I went and had a cry. I am not ok. I have decided to not be ok for a while. I am waiting for the lord. Your friendship means so much to me. Thank you." She said.
"I am here for you anytime. I mean that. Please come to me ok?" He asked."i will." she said."promise?" He asked. "I promise." She said. "Good, "he said.
Next up
Matt and Jen grow closer together