Selene

6: Selene [EDITED]

"Selene, the fact that I will have to punish you, whether the reason of your actions is justifiable or not, will not change."

I hadn't thought any different, yet I was disappointed – especially after that magnificent display of power. If he was highest in hierarchical power, then why didn't he make use of it to override Reine's orders?

I had perhaps been too confident – mistaken I was useful to Father.

I couldn't even lift my head to face him. I wondered if he remembered our meeting from four years back.

I shall be honest; I always found it hard to look at my Father straight into his eyes. It was even before I was instilled with the teachings of never seeing my Father, the Lord, on the very same level.

When I was around three, I was granted an audience with him. As I might have mentioned, I was not affected by normal amnesia. Hence, I was extremely interested to meet an authority that could even silence my Mother, and he was interested in me to see if I had been a little more like he had once expected.

I was not aware the basic courtesies or the power of the man I called Father, and handed the sword from the very beginning, the only admirable ability being my perfect aims at slashing my instructor's shoulder.

It was a different atmosphere in the court, warm in broad daylight.

I ran down the red carpet and threw myself on his lap – my caretaker, the High Priest, was too surprised by this action to even say anything.

"Hello," I breathed into my Father's ears, as I had seen countless portraits of such happening between my parents. "Papa."

"Audacious as always, I see."

"Now, now, don't say that to me. I will slash your shoulder blade."

I don't know how he didn't kill me right then and there.

But at that point, his eyebrows twitched, and a smirk decorated his face. "Was that a death threat to the Emperor?"

"It's a shoulder threat to your shoulder."

It was only then his long fingers grabbed my chin, the position of his head changed, and suddenly, his face was unspeakably close to mine.

"Always aim for the more vital parts of the body, kid."

Somewhere deep within his pupils, I found the silhouette of a boy clutching both sides of his head, screaming in madness, lost within the darkness.

I felt his bloodlust for the first time.

The number of people he had cut down suffered within his eyes; he remembered all. The newborn, the elderly, the teens, the adults, the soldiers, the Kings and Queens, the Emperor—

I cannot put into words the fear I felt then.

I was going to become... that one day. A murderer; emotionless, irrational, sadistic.

"Isn't it too late to tremble?" he asked, as if nothing had ever happened. "Priest, what is to be done here—no, I will not hand over her to you, you must tell me what I must do. Hug her? Hm, sounds simple enough. Does the kid know how to hug?"

But wrapping my arms around his neck made no difference; I knew I was holding on to a cold body of a person who took away lives without any remorse.

"Why do we kill, Father?"

"To live." With a bitter taste, he added, "To protect someone too, sometimes."

"I do not understand what goes on in that mind of yours," he said, after a pause. "But, if you're scared or something, just think of the person on the path of your blade as an animal. Maybe now, you feel it's not a moral thing to do. That we should avoid hurting others. And Selene, I cannot provide you with an explanation as to why it's moral – because it's not. But you'll find your body move in this immoral way one day, child, and at that point, maybe you'll understand why I wish I was a nomad."

Using the common method of How would you feel if so and so happened to you, I tried persuading him: "Wouldn't you be angry if I stabbed you?"

He laughed. "Why would I?"

Somewhere I detected loneliness, bitterness, and regret. "Because," I told him, "I would be really mad at you if you hurt me and thought of me as an animal."

"I'm not like that, dearest. If there's anyone wishing to hurt you, it'd be someone else within the Palace. Come to think of it, doesn't Hikari take care of your lessons since the Church doesn't train individuals in such savage ways, is it not? Just so you know, you could ask for anything from the Yami Palace too, hm? We have better trainers too."

I understood then that the man was crazy, repulsed by his sudden endearment, and never approached him for a huge bit of my early life.

—And I was equally crazy, murdering my Sword Instructor soon after – whose death was hushed; he was quietly disposed of.

It was only then that Eric Yami seemed humane to me. Perhaps that helpless boy I initially saw within his eyes was my Father, unable to find the goal of his life, the reason of his birth.

The scare remained with me; I was afraid to look into his eyes once again – afraid of seeing myself in there; lost, lonely, and sad.

My expectations to meet Father after the murder then were not fulfilled, but I did get an Instructor from Yami soon after. Alongside, I was also gifted several small gifts such as comfortable Equestrian outfits, initially meant for men, and several daggers (which unfortunately were returned as I had no talent with them), horses, and other dangerous items that should never be handed to a four-year-old.

I always had much more worth to Father, except Reine never saw it.

I was just as rotten inside as her.

But Helen turned out to be a different matter altogether. From the beginning, I was told that she was someone weaker than me, someone I must protect.

Reine was ensuring her heir's life, except I never realized it.

It was never truly affection I held for her, Helen – it was fondness and obsession. That emotional bond we, twins born from the same womb, shared once upon a time – in a happy fairytale – had perished forever.

When the assassin had said his aim was Helen, my emotions took over my rationality. I hadn't learnt Law, but I knew all along that murder led to immediate execution. And, of course, the Royal Family of Yami didn't discriminate.

If I had thought slightly further, I could have disabled his movements, yet brought him back alive.

Even then, if the Hikari Palace wasn't alerted, Yami would have quietly disposed another one of my preys yet again – just as usual. We had separate provisions for unavoidable circumstances.

But she screamed. And it was undeniably a natural reaction; a normal child would not be able to take in such a gruesome scene.

But Royals weren't exactly normal.

I may not be well-versed with Magic, but I was not a fool. The fact that Helen fainted out of self-induced Magic shock changed circumstances.

"Do you now realize?" Father asked me. "Did you find your mistake?"

"Helen," I replied lifelessly. "I should've killed her alongside."

—Dear God, what had become of us?