Me and the Gretchen Boys

Chapter 14: Heartfelt talk

"We need to talk."

   Those are the first words I say to the boys as we congregate at the table. I sit down with the boys (fully clothe).

    Justin is giving me puppy dog eyes that scream 'I'm sorry'. He has scratches sprinkled across his face from the fight that are beginning to welt. Dontae is observing his nails in a carefree manner. The light hits the bruises on his face that are beginning to change to a purple color. Shawn is staring at me with his black eye. When we make eye contact be straightens his poster, his back hovering over the chair. Noah awkwardly sifts in his seat keeping his eyes glued on the table. His cute little face unharmed face stays down. Lance kicks his feet up on the table exerting a laid-back attitude. He has a small knot on his clear beautiful skin. Christian stares at me with an incomprehensible look on his face. His face is lightly touched with a few injuries here and there.

   "The talk that we need to have isn't even about the bathroom incident," I add, "Don't get me wrong, that was wrong of you all."

    "So what exactly do we need to talk about?" Shawn questions.

    "It bothers me more to see you guys fight, than bursting into the bathroom. I want to have an open discussion with you all. I want all of us to get along."

    None of the boys answer me. They continue to stare at me not budging to say anything. "Am I going to have to remind you all what you did?" my voice comes out strained.

    "Tch. What a waste of time." Dontae spits glaring at me. The wounds on his face bring me some joy knowing that he's in pain.

    Even though I'm angry I calmly respond, "See, this is what I'm talking about. We have too much attitude with each other."

   "I see... So how do you want to go about this princess?" Lance asks staring at me intently.

    "We should have an open conversation. I want you guys to be open and honest with me. Tell me everything and I'll tell you more about me."

   "I'll start then. It is not a secret that I like self-care. I like to do hair, nails, makeup, and love fashion. Does that make me gay, no," Lance thoughtfully pauses for a moment then continues, "I can't stand that toxic masculinity of what makes a man, a man. Part of the reason I'm doing this is to push the boundaries of 'masculinity'. I also do this to make people look their best. People love to see their own beauty. I feel like everybody should be happy. With that being said I apologize Carmen. I got so excited about the idea of you being a model that I couldn't contain my excitement. I understand if you say no because I did take it too far."

   "I'll be your model, Lance." I nod my head. I could tell how genuine his apology is. He didn't call me princess so I can see how serious he's being.

   "Now for my brothers. You all are cool for the most part, but sometimes you guys get on my nerves. I need you all to understand self-care makes me happy and to respect my craft." They all nod their heads.

   "I don't have a problem with anybody. Just stay out of my way and we'll be cool." Shawn plainly states. I giggle a little at Shawn's unintentional bluntness.

    "I care about all of my brothers and Carmen too..." Justin pauses as if he is debating to continue. Everyone sits in silence waiting for Justin's answer, but it never comes. I eye him suspiciously, but I don't press any further.

"Ok since Justin doesn't want to finish, I'll speak," Dontae starts. "My problem, well let's see... My problem is you. I'm so sick of you! Why couldn't you have stayed where you were before. Why do we have to deal with you! All you do is pry and you act like such goody-two-shoes in front of auntie! You might have fooled everyone else but you won't fool me!"

"I-I am a goody-two-shoe in front of Mrs.Gretchen?" I ask in disbelief, looking at Dontae like he grew two heads.

"That's what I said didn't I? You're not fooling anybody. Stop acting like you're the perfect little angel." Dontae continues to bash me.

A feeling of rage slowly builds inside of me. I clench my jaw and ball my fist. My breath becomes hitched as I try to calm down and miserably fail.

    A warm feeling covers my balled-up fist. I look down to see Christian's large hand engulf mine. I look up at him and he gives me a little nod. My jaw slowly relaxes and my balled-up fist is no longer tense. My hitched breath becomes even.

    "Ok, I hear your complaints Dontae. I hate to tell you that I'm not some perfect human being. My life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I'll tell you guys my past. I'll like to warn you all it's not so pretty."

***

   I wonder how many times I replayed my past in my head. How many times have I seen the same scenario? It never left my mind. Never. It never escaped my lips. I never have told another soul...

But here I am telling the boys the past I run from.

"All of my life it's just been me, my grandma, and my mother. It's always just been us three. My birth father left my mom to go start a family with his actual girlfriend. I was a result of an affair that never went anywhere." I pause. Even though it happened so long ago, I could still feel the pain.

I exhale and continue, "When my birth father left my mother for good it tore her inside out. That's when her downwards spiral began. I went to kindergarten through third grade normally. No, clueless is a better word. One day I came home a little earlier than usual. I heard my grandma and my mom arguing. 'Is this how you want your daughter to see you?' my grandma asked. 'Tch,' is the only response my mom could form. I slowly approached the bathroom and peeked my head from the corner. I saw my mother's body hurled over the toilet and an empty bottle of Smirnoff."

    The boys hang on my every word. I can even see guilt flicker on Dontae's face for a second.

    "That's when my happy and oblivious world came crashing down on me. Now that I had seen my mother like that, she didn't bother to hide her alcohol problem anymore. My grandma would scold my mother constantly about exposing me to her problems. As time passed, my grandma got older. She became less and less active so it was up to me to take care of the house.

    "One day I came back home from my job. My mom was passed out drunk per usual. I called my grandma and she didn't answer. I called her many times and she didn't answer once. I went into the room and saw her, as what I believed to be, 'asleep'. I checked for her pulse and....nothing."

I could see looks of horror and sadness wash over the boys' faces. I fiddle with my fingers to keep me distracted from the tears that are threatening to fall.

"We had my grandma's funeral and my mom couldn't even be sober for that. Now there were just two of us left. After grandma's death, my mother's condition got twice as worse, so I had to work twice as hard. I looked for small jobs everywhere and worked shifts after school. I eventually put less effort into school to focus on getting money. CPS came for me again. Little did I know that I wouldn't be going back home. I remember the dead look in my mom's eyes as I was taken away from her yet again."

I swallow knowing that what I'm about to say is going to hit me hard, "That is the last time I've seen my mom."

Her dead and lonely eyes burn in my mind completely vivid. Haunting me every night.

I look up at the boys and see Noah balling his eyes out. Lance has a pained look on his face and Shawn keeps his head down. Dontae stares at me empathetically. Justin's eyes water and Christian's grip on my hand gets tighter.

"So that's how I ended up here!" I try to say enthusiastically but my voice falls flat. The room goes quiet. Nobody says anything. That is until...

"Carmen get up."

•••
A/N:
This was a little emotional chapter. I'm sorry for the late post, I've been busy lately. I hope you all enjoyed it!

Remember that I am always open to critiques! Don't forget to comment and upvote! Have a beautiful day!!