Skye City: The Darkness of Emmilyn

Fear

Sonet wishes me Happy Sixteenth Birthday with a flashy message as I log into my account at the holoscreen. I would not have known my birthday was today and I no longer care about such triviality. I certainly do not plan to make an announcement to the gang. It seems so long ago that Nelson was promising he would get me a great present and yet a little over a fortnight has passed. Time runs at a different pace now. I wonder if he really thought about the present, if he had decided what he would get me. I wonder if he got it before... That I would like to know, like to see, but I cannot see... And so I cannot celebrate.
I sit before the holoscreen, numb, as my eyes lose focus and my scrolling newsfeed blurs. We have been staying at Eyris' house for days and still no contact from Arturo or Nelson or Myla or Killow or Smig. We have not visited Ané since our meeting, but Eyris occasionally mentions her and the Order. I simply tune out her voice. All I can think about are the words Victory or Extinction. Victory seems impossible for either side to achieve, which leaves only the alternative.
'It's nothing to fear really, is it?' I murmur as Bex joins my side.
'What?' Bex whispers.
'Death, it's nothing to fear. I mean you're just returning to the time before you were born. It's just like that again. Everyone's been there. We've all been dead. Everyone who's ever lived has died or will die again. Why do we get so hung up on it? What's even the big deal?' I say.
'Oh fuck, you're not gonna go all morbid on us?' Bex says.
'If they're dead, I'll miss them while I'm alive, but I'll die too, and then it won't matter anymore. Death is the normal state of things. Life is the weird exception. Just a pointless game,' I say.
'Fuck, Emmi, one minute you're delivering inspirational speeches and keeping everyone going, and now you're embracing nihilism?' Bex says.
'No, just perspective. There's no point in stressing, eh? We're probably never gonna see them again. No point living in agony. They wouldn't want us too,' I say.
'Who's they?' Bex says.
'The guys of course. They only wanted what's best for us. The best, right now, isn't much, but still they wouldn't want us to suffer just because they died,' I say.
'Do you know something I don't? Have you heard something?' Bex says.
'You don't get it, do you, Bex? We'll never hear anything. Their bodies won't be identified. There'll be no funeral. Do you want to spend your life waiting for them to come back from the dead? I don't.'
'Oh fuck, Emmi's lost it, guys. Can someone get her a beer?' Bex says to the others on the crescent sofa, but no-one responds and alcohol no longer appeals anyways. I would rather spend my final days with a clear head, appreciating those rare glimpses of the perfect world we are destroying.
I head upstairs and enter the back garden to find Dynah sitting on the lawn with crossed legs and her back turned. A tiny purple sparrow is sitting on her shoulder, singing so sweetly. Sparrows never go near people, yet I am not surprised one would make an exception for the telepath. I am not even talking about her superpowers either. She has such a beautiful aura. If only everyone was like her, things would be so different, so much better. Dynah turns her head as I approach from behind and the sparrow does not flinch.
'I like it out here. It's nice to go outside and see the flowers, yet remain hidden. There aren't many places we can do that,' Dynah says.
'Yeah, it's strangely tranquil out here, if you disregard the faint popping of bullets. They sound too gentle to be taking lives,' I say.
'It doesn't take much to take a life, only the desire to kill. Our bodies are so fragile. Even children can fight a war,' Dynah says.
'Yeah, there's nothing tough about it, is there? Pulling a trigger is so easy. Surviving without guns, that's tough. It requires far more than a trigger finger. You need to plan, think, adapt, be more than a grunt, and hope you get damn lucky. The sad thing is the soldiers on all sides expect gratitude for the hell they've given us. How about they do something courageous and negotiate peace?' I say.
'Because they're only interested in a peace in which they hold the power,' Dynah says.
'You can say that again... Have you thought about what you'll do when this is all over, if you somehow make it through?' I say.
'I want to be somewhere like this, surrounded by trees and flowers, only far away from the city. I don't like large groups of people, they are infected with crazy ideas. Those ideas are more destructive than any plague,' Dynah says and the sparrow flutters into a palm tree.
'Yup, it's because of crazy ideas that we can't dream about the future.' I sigh.
'The devastation is hard to process, but my optimism remains intact. There are ways out for us,' Dynah says.
'You've not sensed Killow though, have you? Since he vanished, he's hardly been mentioned. Everyone was so caught up in everything else, he was just forgotten, one of our best friends. I feel so bad,' I say.
'So far I've been unable to confirm his signal,' Dynah whispers. 'I've tried many times...'
'When you guys said he leapt from the fire, that was just wishful thinking, wasn't it?' I say bitterly. 'He never escaped that explosion.'
'I... dunno... You may be right...'