Alpha's Blue (BXB)

Chapter Twenty Four

I knew my prayers weren't answered when Tay turned off the radio right after I had turned it on to fill the awkward silence.

"You've been acting weird since you came back." He moved his body to face me while resting his back against the car door.

"What are you talking about?" I was struggling to keep my eyes and focus on the road.

"You know what I'm talking about. You were restless the whole day and even now, it looks like you're freaking out." He pushed against the door and leaned closer to me. "Is something bothering you? It can't be grandma, she seemed fine earlier today."

My hold on the wheel tightened and I could feel my heart trying to jump out of my chest. "It's nothing, Tay."

From the corner of my eyes I saw him crossing his arms over his chest. "Look, if someone's bothering you, I can help you with it. You don't have to be scared."

Letting out a long exhale, I just decided to ignore him until we were off the road at least.

His eyes narrowed until he looked like he was glaring at me. "I'm talking to you, Blue."

"I'm driving." I said in a stoic voice.

He seemed to have understood that it wasn't the right time to talk and moved to face the front again. I didn't try to sneak a look at him for the rest of the drive.

The moment I parked and shut off the engine, Tay rushed out and slammed the door behind him with enough force to shake the whole car. His blatant anger stunned me. I had never seen him so furious before.

It took me more than a minute to get out of the car before I remembered to take the food with me. My heart quivered in my chest. How was I supposed to explain it to him without coming out? Heck, I didn't even know if he was homophobic or not.

I cursed myself for always thinking that there wouldn't be a day when I would have to come out to him, not so soon. I was sure I was never going to find someone who'd make me want to affirm my sexuality.

I paced outside the ajar door of my apartment with the bags full of food in my hand. My mind conjured up the worst case scenarios one after another and it made me lose all my courage.

I leaned against the wall beside the door and slid down until I was sitting on the floor. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I put the bags aside to get it out.

I picked the call as soon as I saw Marco's name flashing on the screen.

"Is everything okay?" Nicolas asked almost immediately.

"Nicolas, Tay- he doesn't know that I'm… I don't know how to tell him. What if he doesn't want me around me anymore? I don't know what to do. I can't do this. He was-"

"Blue, hey, calm down. Tell me what happened."

Nicolas' calm voice helped me gather my thoughts and soon I was explaining everything to him without stopping. He told me to take a few deep breaths when I was done and I followed his instructions quietly.

"I won't pretend like I understand what you are going through. But I can tell you what I think I would've done if I was in your place. I would've walked right in and told my friend everything." He said, calmly.

"I can't. I'm not ready to do this." I protested, hugging my knees close to my chest.

"Be honest with yourself. Do you think you'll ever be ready for it?"

His gentle and composed voice had ignited hope in me. Despite my verbal protest, my mind already knew that he was right.

I knew I wasn't ready to do this, but I also realised that I'll never be ready. After all, no one's ever ready for something like that, neither was I going to be.