Hairy Potter-Addams and the Philosopher's Stone: An Altogether Ooky Tale

Diagon Alley

Because Pugsley wouldn't be able to use the Floo powder and Wednesday wasn't trustworthy around fire, the Addamses decided to fly commercial to Heathrow. Unfortunately, Uncle Fester was banned from the United Kingdom (among other countries), rendering him unable to accompany the rest of the family on their flight. It was decided he would appear at Morticia's sister's cottage to the north of London by Floo powder, to bypass the hassle of customs and a probable arrest. Lurch was granted a holiday to spend with his mother. Grandmama would remain behind to care for Pubert, Kitty, and Cleopatra; she did not care to visit Great Britain.

At the airport, the Addamses found themselves surrounded by incredibly nervous travellers, many of whom gave the family a wide berth. Wednesday remarked to her brothers, "Flying in an airplane must be worse than on a broomstick. Everyone here seems frightened." Thing indicated agreement from its perch on her shoulder.

The security guard checking boarding passes and IDs kept staring at Thing. "So, um, hand? I mean, where do you destination? Er, going? Where are you going?" she asked Wednesday.

"We're going to London to see my aunt Ophelia."

The guard attempted to mark her boarding pass with a black permanent marker but wrote the gate on the back of her own hand instead. "You...fly safely," she mumbled, and gave a frightened little squeak when Thing gave her a thumbs-up.

The next security guard laughed when Wednesday was getting ready to go through the metal detector. "Your remote-control toy is going to have to go through the X-ray machine, little lady."

"Oh, Thing's not a toy. He's part of the family."

"Listen, sweetie, I know how it is with girls your age. Please put it on the X-ray belt or in your bag. It has to go in its own bin. You can't just drive a metal, computerized toy through the detector."

Before Wednesday could argue, Gomez said, "Wednesday, Thing, let's just get this over with. We can't be late for the flight."

Immediately, Thing jumped from Wednesday's shoulder onto the conveyor belt. "Thank you, Thing!" Gomez said before Thing vanished into the scanner. The security guard's face was bone-white.

"You--that--how? Did I see--?" he stammered; and Gomez sent Wednesday through the metal detector. He followed with no problem and thanked the security team on his way through the screening area.

Hairy and Morticia were in the next lane over. Hairy turned around at just the right time. He directed Morticia's attention toward the computer screen. "Mom," he giggled, "look what Thing's doing in there."

Morticia raised her eyebrows at what she saw on the security guard's computer. "I'll have to have a talk with Thing about that foul language."

Not realizing what was going on behind her, the guard hit a button and a buzzer echoed through the screening concourse. "Sir," she said to another, "I think they're transporting a...severed limb?" It was then that Thing indignantly crawled out of the scanner, ignoring the security guards' yelps as the disembodied hand went about its business. Pugsley has to rescue Thing from the rollers down which their luggage slid; Thing lost its balance and got its pinkie trapped between two rollers.

Pugsley gently lifted Thing and put it on his shoulder. "There, there, Thing. You're all right now." The boy retrieved Thing's favorite box from the conveyor belt, and Thing hopped in, shutting the lid with an indignant snap.

Pugsley looked up at Gomez. "That could've gone better."

Gomez shrugged. "Could've gone worse, too. Thing just needs its rest after all that excitement."

Ere long, the Addams family were settled at their departure gate with Thing's box and their luggage. Boarding proceeded without incident (largely because the gate agent didn't see Thing hand Morticia the passports), and they were off to London.