Hairy Potter-Addams and the Philosopher's Stone: An Altogether Ooky Tale

Quidditch, Baseball, and Other Surprises, Part I

The excitement never ended at Hogwarts. The morning after the incident with the troll, Ron and Hairy sat down to breakfast. After a few minutes, a familiar voice cleared her throat. Without looking behind him, Ron said, "You're welcome to sit with us, Hermione." She took the open seat to Harry's other side.

A flurry of wings announced the arrival of the owl post. Hedwig made her way over to the Gryffindor table. She bore a bright red envelope in her beak; a long, thin parcel wrapped in paper and twine was attached to her talons. Harry accepted the envelope and untied the package from her feet. "Thanks, Hedwig," he said, offering her a bit of toast.

Ron's eyes widened and his face became pale at the sight of the red envelope in Harry's fingers. "Oh, no. Is that a Howler?" The word "Howler" arrested the attention of many nearby diners. Whispers, covert giggles, and nudges rippled through the Great Hall at the promise of a public shaming.

Hairy grinned. "Yeah. Let's see what's up." He opened it.

The envelope fairly leapt out of Hairy's hand and began to move like a mouth. Uncle Fester's creaky voice announced, "HAIRY JAMES POTTER-ADDAMS!"

The old man's peculiar voice and the announcement of a name drew more attention. Hairy looked up and saw Draco Malfoy with a cocky smirk on his pinched face.

"WE HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD OF YOU!"

Draco's face fell. It was Hairy's turn to laugh at the befuddlement on the faces around him.

Morticia's silky voice took over. "We were thrilled to hear about how you stood up for your friend against that terrible bully. Wednesday, your father, and Cousin Giuseppe will make their way to Hogwarts for the baseball game. They look forward to meeting your friend with the large posterior and the Malloy boy. Lily and James send their love. The house is much less gloomy without you around. Say 'hello' to that friend of yours with the delightful rat."

Uncle Fester was back. "Oh, oh! Pubert just said his first two-syllable word: 'poison.' We can't wait to see you at Christmas. In the meantime, teach them the Addams way, and knock 'em dead!"

The Howler crumbled to ash on the table. Hairy grinned ear to ear. Around him, confusion reigned. Most of the mutterings were to do with who this "Addams" person was, and who was meant by the "Malloy boy." Across the Great Hall, Draco was grey with anger.

Hairy heard none of it. He beamed at Ron and Hermione. "Well, how do ya like that? The Addams family returns to Britain." He reached for the big package.

Hermione stopped him. "There's a card attached. Read it." Harry picked it up.

DO NOT OPEN THIS AT THE TABLE. It contains your new broomstick. This was agreed upon by school leadership and facilitated in part by your guardians. Report for an extra practice on the Quidditch field tonight after dinner. Remember to keep your involvement a secret.

It was signed by "Professor M. McGonagall." Harry looked up to see the Transfiguration teacher keeping one eye on him throughout her conversation with Professor Sprout. Hairy gave her a crooked grin.

Ron had one hand on the end of the parcel. "A broomstick," he breathed. "Your very own...I wonder which one you got. Cleansweep Sevens aren't bad. Comets are flashy, but--wait, do you reckon it would be too much to hope for a Nimbus?"

Hairy grabbed the parcel and rose, leaving his flapjacks and eggs to grow cold. "Only one way to find out, my dudes."

In the Gryffindor common room, Harry invited his friends to have a hand in tearing off the paper. Underneath the wrapping lay a beautiful, sleek broomsticks. The tail twigs were neat and streamlined. Near the top of the polished mahogany handle, inscribed in gold, was the model name.