Hairy Potter-Addams and the Philosopher's Stone: An Altogether Ooky Tale

The Journey from Platform 9 3/4

The Addams family enjoyed an excellent holiday in southern England. They stayed with Morticia's sister Ophelia in her cottage just outside Crawley. Hairy's birthday, 31 July, was punctuated by his favorite weather: torrential, explosive thunderstorms. Morticia and Gomez gave Hairy and Wednesday permission to take Grandmama's broom for a spin, provided Uncle Fester supervised. Hairy was trying to master barrel rolls, but it was impossible to do without his glasses coming off.

Wednesday hopped on the broom for her turn. As she rose to about twelve feet off the ground, she said, "Hairy, Hagrid is coming! I can see him about a quarter mile away."

"What? Why would he be here?"

"Well, it is your birthday. He's probably here for supper."

Just then, Uncle Fester called from the garret window, "Children, it's time to come in! Our guests will arrive soon!"

Wednesday landed immediately. "I'm excited to see Hagrid again. That owl he got you is a perfect companion for Diogenes." Diogenes was Hairy's pet fruit bat. The two animals got along famously and often went out together at night. "Have you picked a name for her yet?" They started toward the back door.

Hairy chewed his lip. "I liked a couple that I saw in one of my school books. There's Morgana, from King Arthur's court. I also like Hedwig. But then our other pets are Socrates, Aristotle, and Diogenes. There aren't any famous woman philosophers in Ancient Greek history. Maybe I could call her Sappho or Athena."

Wednesday closed the door behind her, put Grandmama's broom in its stand, and slipped off her sodden shoes. "I think Hedwig is the perfect name for an owl."

"I'll see if she likes it tonight, before she goes hunting with Diogenes." They mounted the stairs and went to change out of their soaked clothes.

Pugsley was in his and Hairy's room. The brothers were preparing to spend a whole school year apart; they wanted to spend their holiday in the same room, despite Aunt Ophelia's offer to separate them. Pugsley was seated on his bed, pulling on his socks. His dress shoes, freshly polished, lay by the door.

The older brother looked at Hairy and let out a low whistle. "You got soaked."

Hairy grinned. "Yeah." Then his smile faltered. "Pugsley, you could've gone flying with us. I would've taken you up on the broom. We've done it before."

Pugsley twisted his sock in his hand. "Yeah. But it's not the same. Hairy, I want to fly a broomstick. Me. Alone. I want to go to Ilvermorny in three weeks. I want a mail-carrying owl and a magic wand. I don't want to go to a No-Maj school, even if it is in the inner city like Mom and Pops promised. I don't want to torment other kids my own age if I can't do it with magic."

Hairy sat next to him. "Come on, Pugsley. It's not about magic. You're the best No-Maj I know. You can detonate circles around any wizard. Remember that boy I told you about from the seamstress? I bet he doesn't know the first thing about fencing or how to feed an African Strangler. You fixed Uncle Fester's rack when even Father couldn't and you built Wednesday's favorite guillotine yourself. Face it, Pugsley. Even without magic, nobody could burn a candle on you."

"You don't mean that. And even if you do, it's easy for you to be all right with this: you're going to magic boarding school! Don't you get it? You can be good at all the stuff I'm good at: making fireworks, sword fighting, taxidermy, lurking, all that. You have it in you to be good at that. But now you get magic, too. I never had the chance to be good at Quidditch. I don't even care if I fail! I just want to be able to try. I want to be bad at magic because at least then, I can do magic. Like Mother and Father can. Like Uncle Fester and Grandmama. Like the rest of my family."