Ice Queen

Chapter 43 ~ "I hope that's enough"

Sasha

Today is going to be the most stressful day I've had in a long time.

I'm supposed to go to school the whole day, go to ballet, go to therapy, then go watch Nate's hockey and then do my practice while he watches me. 

I couldn't even think about how overwhelming this was because the stress would nearly make my brain explode. This was the first day I was supposed to be back with my skating and my training, I was worried about how it would go for me and if I'd made the right decision.

To make up for the amount of time Nate and I were going to lose we'd agreed on the plan of watching each others' practices each night. That way we could support each other and I could do school work while I waited.

All I could think about was Saturday night and how amazing it was, how much thought Nate put into it, into us. It was all that was keeping me sane this morning, I wanted as many nights like that as I could get with Nate, I just hoped I could make it work.

The more I looked at my schedule, the more concerned I got. I know that Nate said nothing would change between us, I just hoped I could keep it that way. I'd lost two weeks of training and practice so I had plenty of ground to make up.

I wanted him to spend the night last night after her came over but he couldn't, it just wasn't possible. We'd been having too many close calls as it was with all the times Nate stayed with me. 

I felt lucky to have Nate, he was what kept me grounded and happy. I didn't feel like we spent much one-on-one time anymore, where no one else was around us. He was right about not doing anything too risky while other family members were around, it just made everything uncomfortable.

I almost missed the hormonal days we had this time last week where we'd make-out every chance we got. It made me feel young, carefree, it made me feel normal. I wanted that back, that playful, non-serious energy that we had. It felt like Nate had gone right back to being comforting and walking on eggshells around me. And as nice as him talking me down was, I wanted him back. I wanted Nate in ways I'd never even wanted another person before.

"You okay?" Nate asks leaning over to me at lunch, thoroughly snapping me out of my train of thought.

"I'm great, I just have a lot on my mind." I tell him and he nods.

"Are you nervous about anything?" He asks and I shrug.

"Do you remember how I said I was afraid of unknowns?" I ask and he nods. "This whole day is a shit ton of unknowns." He laughs a bit and nods, grabbing my hand under the table.

"I know it's probably pretty overwhelming." He says quietly and I nod.

"I'm just......I'm tired of being a problem." I tell him and he furrows his eyebrows.

"You're not a problem." He says quietly. "You don't have to apologize for your feelings Sasha, it's alright to be overwhelmed."

How on earth did I get so lucky to have Nate? He was always so good at saying things like that to me.

"I'll take it as it comes." I say quietly and he nods.

"Good, I'm glad." He says and smile, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Trying to eat here!" Adrian teases from the other side of the table and I laugh a bit, feeling heat rise in my cheeks.

Just as I start to get back into my conversation with Nate, I watch Irene walk into the cafeteria alone. That was really unusual, she'd been right by Micheal's side now for weeks. Her eyes suddenly land on mine and I can tell she's got a mission. She comes over to the table, fiddling with her hands.