Loved By A Gangster: Healed by Time (Book 3)

Chapter 16: Borrowed

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Lance's POV

Habang nagkakagulo sa kabilang table, bigla namang nagtayuan sina Cairah at Leslie. When I turn to Riya, she's having a hard time breathing. It's as if she is choking. She's all pale and sweating. I froze for a moment. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa kanya.

"What's happening?" I asked

"We have to get her out of here." Cairah replied.

Lumapit ako agad sa kanila para tulungan na tumayo si Cahriya. Pero hindi ko pa man siya nahahawakan ay bigla na niyang tinabig ang kamay ko at lumayo sa akin. Kumapit siya kay Leslie at tuluyan na silang naglakad palabas ng restaurant.

Anong nangyayari?

"Daddy."

I came back to my senses nang biglang hawakan ni Laurent ang kamay ko. Hindi rin nagsasalita si Kevin. Marahil ay nabigla din siya. Kaming dalawa nalang ang naiwan sa mga anak namin.

"Kevin, do you have any idea what's happening?"

Kevin sighed. "I shouldn't be the one telling you, Lance. Kailangan si Cahriya mismo, or kahit si Cairah."

***

Naunang umuwi sina Cahriya, Cairah at Leslie. Doon palang ay duda na ako sa mga nangyayari. Ano nanaman ba ang tinatago nila sa akin?

Lumabas si Leslie sa kwarto ni Cahriya. Agad ko naman siyang hinarangan bago pa man siya makalampas sa akin.

"Leslie. I need to know what's happening."

Tumingin lang siya sa akin at tumango. After that naglakad na siya. Kaya naman sumunod ako. Lumabas kami ng bahay at napunta sa may garden. Prenteng umupo si Leslie at nagsindi ng sigarilyo saka muling tumingin sa akin.

"She's sick. Because of you."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The wedding day tragedy. It's causing her PTSD. Or at least the emotional trauma."

I felt my knees weakened. I almost didn't make it to the chair. I can't absorb what she has told me.

"Mula noong nangyari 'yun, gabi-gabi na siyang binabangungot. Kapag may commotion na kagay nung kanina, natitrigger yung panic attacks niya. Kapag nakikita ka niya, nahihirapan siya."

Hindi ako halos makapagsalita. Wala akong ideya na ganito ang naging epekto kay Cahriya. All along I thought she's okay. I thought she coped up with Laurent. That's how of a monster I was to her. No wonder she keeps on refusing to get back together with me. No wonder she decided to hide all those years. She wasn't just trying to hide Laurent, she was also hiding from me.

"I--I don't know what to say. What should I do, Leslie?"

She puffed out a smoke before turning to me, "I don't know either. But like what I said, mas makakabuti sa kanya na wag ka muna makita. And that's because I genuinely care about her well being, Lance."

***

I am standing beside the door of Cahriya's bedroom. I am watching her sleep from a distance. I can't believe I did this to her. It breaks my heart thinking how she suffered all because of me. I don't deserve her... I don't deserve a second chance.

All I can do is watch her from afar. I can be a father to Laurent but I don't think I'll be able to face Cahriya knowing what I did to her. Hindi kaya ng konsensya ko na habang pinipilit ko yung sarili ko sa kanya, lalo ko lang pinapalala yung sitwasyon niya.

Nagising siya.

Pupungas-pungas pa ang mga mata niya nang siya ay umupo at parang inaaninag kung sino ang nasa may pintuan. Aalis na sana ako pero doon ko nakita kung anong epekto ng presensya ko kay Cahriya. Nakita ko yung gulat niya. She was jumpy when she realized it was me. Hindi ito yung basta gulat lang. Gulat na may kasamang takot. Pero hindi niya iyon pinahalata. If hindi ko nalaman ito ngayon, malamang wala pa rin akong idea sa sitwasyon niya. Cahriya knows how to hide what she really feels kaya hindi ko mabasa kung anong iniisip niya.

I was about to leave but, "Lance." She called me. She called my name.

My heart is breaking just thinking how hard it probably is for her just to mention my name.

I slowly walk towards her.

Good Lord, I just want to hug her tight and tell her how sorry I am for what I did to her.

I stop just right beside her bed. Not too close to her.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Much better now." She smiled

I just can't help it. My tears came rushing down my face. Napaluhod ako.

"Cahriya....I'm s-sorry. I'm really, really sorry."

Nakayuko lang ako. Nakaluhod habang umiiyak. Nasasaktan ako. Nasasaktan ako sa nagawa ko. Sa loob ng anim na taon, ngayon lang sumampal sa akin ng ganito kasakit ang nagawa ko noon. Mas masakit yung nararamdaman ko ngayon kesa sa naramdaman ko sa buong anim na taon na hindi ko sila nakita.

I know I deserve to feel this way. Kasalanan ko.

"I know you are.... And I'm sorry too..."

Narinig kong halos hindi na niya maituloy ang sinasabi niya dahil sa pag-iyak niya. I know I am breaking but it was a lot more painful for her.

"As much as I want to give Laurent a complete family, hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko na kaya, Lance."

Napapikit na lamang ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Masakit na marinig sa kanya pero alam kong wala na akong magagawa. How can she live with a monster like me? How can she start a family with a guy who made her that way?

"I tried to move on. Sinubukan ko kalimutan lahat, pero hindi ko kaya. Laging bumabalik sa akin. Every night, you are the nightmare I'm waking."

Her words were like a couple of daggers piercing through my chest. I never knew I could cry this much. I never knew I could feel this much pain. And it's all because of me.

She got off the bed and sat in front of me. We are about 5 meters away from each other. She's just close, but yet so far. I can't even hold her hand.

"You are Laurent's father, I won't take that away from you. I'll be happy as long as he is happy. But please, 'wag na natin ipilit yung sa ating dalawa. Masasaktan lang tayo pareho."

I nodded. I understand her. I really do.

"I understand, Cahriya. Don't worry. I promise I'll be a good father to Laurent, and I promise... you won't have to see me ever again."

Hindi tumitigil yung sakit. Sa bawat salitang binibitawan namin, parang lalong bumibigat ang lahat.

"Lance, I still love you. So much. But I am also scared and terrified of you. I'm sorry if we have to end this way..."

I wiped my tears and look up to her. I smiled just a little bit.

"I love you, too, Cahriya. I'm really sorry for everything. I think this is goodbye."