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this chapter contains mature content
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Doubts gnaw its way into my head, ugly and loud. His arms are like steel bands around me, face nuzzled into my neck, keeping my close in a possessive hold but for some reason that wasn't enough at that point. My doubts triumphing over every little action that's supposed to prove how much he wanted me.
When I asked him if he still wanted to get married he had answered no without hesitation. Even though he came back and apologised, doesn't that split second of second guessing our wedding count for something? Does he still want to get married?
Does he still want me?
"Of course I want you!" Taehyung had yelled last night, tears of desperation blurring his eyes.
"Do you still have feelings for her?" My voice only reached a whisper as I asked the question, feeling the words slice me open.
"No," He shook his head trying to approach me but I backed away, needing space to think. He sees the disbelief in my face and he swallows thick. "You're it for me, Areum." His eyes pled with mine and when he realises I doubted his words, his face crumples as he lets out a curse.
He ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair, throwing his head back as he stared at the ceiling. "I fucked up. I can't believe I fucked us up." Taehyung sucked in a deep breath. "I shouldn't have given you a reason to doubt me. After everything we've been through-" he let out another curse, hand slipping from his head and swinging to the wall next to him. His fist met with the concrete with a loud thud right before he fell against the wall, leaning onto it.
He buried his face in the palm of his hands, rubbing his face with exhaustion. We had been at it for hours. After the mention of his ex, something in me had snapped. I wasn't going to repeat my mistakes with Jaesun again.
I was done being the second option.
I sink into the couch before him as we let the silence hang heavy around us for a moment. Then he walks over to me, kneeling before me as he took my hands in his. He studies my eyes for brief moment and his grip on my hands tighten.
"I know where your head's at but I swear to you, it was just that one phone call. I don't even know what she wanted. As soon as she said she wanted to see me I hung up. And then I went into that dark place again. I don't know how to make you believe me, Areum." he stopped, shaking his head lightly as a tear dripped down his pale cheeks. "But I do want you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's you before anyone else and the fact that it was me that's making you doubt that-" He winced, almost in disgust of himself as he looked away.
