pathetic poetry.

November

Feelings, they said they'd go away.
Give it time, you won't remember.
Only the memories will stay.
You'll be okay by November.

Memories flash before my eyes,
triggered by that song we listened to
when you would kiss me as I smiled
And whisper that you loved me too.

Listening to Lewis Capaldi and crying,
Because the lyrics hit me like a ton of bricks and my heart was slowly dying
knowing that what we had was done, that you were gone.

The pit I felt in my stomach was deep,
My thoughts obsessing over the past
as I hugged and cried myself to sleep
Wondering why we didn't last.

How did things go so wrong in May?
Why did you never tell me what you're thinking?
Why did you give up so soon on me?
Almost as if it wasn't worth saving.

We had a long conversation in November,
It was the first time I said everything I was feeling,
You said you didn't remember
That it was all a misunderstanding.

You said you'll do anything for us to be freinds again, have no hate.
I said no, I want you back or I need
To be free to get over you, forget your face.

You don't understand how much I needed to be left alone,
How much pain I felt when I was ignoring you
How much I've matured and grown
Finally seeing the world as it is, the truth.

I wished you on your birthday,
Sighing as I gave you a hug
Remembering those arms again
Not wanting to catch the love bug.

My friends didn't bring you up
But their eyes were on me that day
Noticing that my smile would drop
And my mind was elsewhere, astray.

My best friend, he gave me a lecture,
Told me if I got back with you he'd hit me with a slipper,
I hugged him, touched by the gesture
The pain just a bit dimmer.

I gave up on wanting you back
I tried so hard to move on, to fall again
More often than not I would cry
Only you on my brain.

No one was like you,
No matter how much I tried
To find something new, to feel something other than blue,
Something in my heart had died.

I'm over him I thought to myself
But in September I saw you with her
And in my mind I bid you farewell
Tears dripping down my face in anger.

I absolutely despised you for a while,
For not trying again and giving up
Making me feel so nasty and vile
But then I accepted it, this had to stop.

Even if all I wanted was you.
Even though we still had feelings for each other,
Your pride caught up with you so why even bother to beg for something you didn't believe in,
But I asked for a second chance, promised I'd be better but you said no, you'll just hurt me again, let me go.

And friendship after love, don't even think about it now.
Your hand fits in mine like a glove. Yeah alright enough is enough
It's over now, we can't change what happened.

I haven't seen you in a while
You don't make my heart race
Thinking about you doesn't make my heart ache.
I'm glad we have our space.

Now it's all just memories,
No feelings just pictures in my mind
I've let you go, it's time for you to try
again with someone genuine and kind, that's what you deserve, the entire fucking world.

I fell again for someone just like you
I was so mad at myself but this time I had my head screwed on proper,
And a week in, I was over him just like that,
Not wanting to go fall into the same toxic cycle and feel like crap.

I'll always love you, just a bit,
You've taught me so much, so thank you, for teaching me to never quit
to be myself, to speak my mind and most of all to be kind.

You deserve the best,
That's all I wish for you
Your next quest
To find someone true.

So sail on, towards the sunset,
In a different life, a different time, maybe we could be together
But I know that ship has sailed
Forever.