IT'S U, ALWAYS U

CHAPTER ONE : LEAVING

"Amara"
I stopped in my tracks, my shoes digging into the wet soil as i did.

" What is it, aidan? "
I felt his eyes boring into my skull, but i did not turn. I did not want to see what i was throwing away. Us . His love 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘔𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴.

"Wouldn't you look at me?"
His voice was full of hurt.
"I know. You don't have to say it. I know you can't look at me the way i look at you.
But-"
There's a slight catch in his voice. I dug my heels deeper. I did not want to see him hurt.
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘸, my mind taunted. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘣𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦.

He cleared his throat, before speaking once more. " I know everything. You don't have to feel burdened by my feelings. We can pretend that I never said anything. Just don't leave, amara. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦. "

"Aiden", this time, I turned to him.
He had to understand that i was not leaving because of him.
He did not deserve the guilt. " it isn't your fault. I just have to do this. As stupid as it sounds, I need to find myself, not as amelia, but as Amara. I need to establish my own identity."
I took a step towards him, while he watched me warily. "

" Back than in Canada, all I knew was isolation and misery. Then when i came here to London as amelia, i felt for the first time what it means to have friends and family who have your back.
But i gained all that because of my sister's name. They treated me well because to them, i was Amelia." My voice sounded wistful even to my very own ears.
" But you-" i hesitated.

Stupid mouth. Should I really tell him at this time?

" what? Me- what is it that you want to say ? "

" you were the one person who say me as amelia. The first one who called me by my real name. The one person with whom I can be anyone and not be judged. Even when you knew who i was. You still stuck by my side. So thank you for being that person for me. "

He stood silent for a moment."Anyone would have done the same, if they have met you."

I bowed my head slowly. We both know it wasn't true.

"perhaps"
i turned to him, forcing a smile on my face as i looked his eyes, i thought, were the same ones that gave him easily.
They we're beautiful-but right now, they held so much sadness. Because of you, my mind is chided. Shut up, I retorted.

"Ya, I know I'm handsome, but really you should stop staring."
there it was, his usual sarcasm and nonchalance.

My heart lifted just a bit and my smile widened.

"I'll be back soon, aiden. Don't miss me too much, yeah?"

His Adam apple bobbed as he swallowed.

"I'll try my best amara"

" sure" i said hardly.

He grabbed my hand. Pulled me closer to him. My eyes widened as he did, he kissed me on the cheek.

And said "please don't forget me."

"i won't,good bye aiden, See you soon."i said bitterly. That minute my mind was on blank.

"Goodbye amara." he was looking at me with a sombre expression.

I started walking to the bus with out looking back. After i got in the bus i looked at him for the very last time.
He smiled at me. I smiled back at him for the last time.

Now im starting to feel that i miss him.