His Pink Teddybear

Chapter 4

Zane

My world was shattering around me, drifting through the air like a million tiny little shards of glass. They reflected at me, showing me something I couldn't bear to see. I couldn't handle it, couldn't handle seeing that look in her eyes. I had seen it so many times played back in my head, taunting me and blurring everything around me until I was nothing but numb.

I've never met you before.

The glass turned towards me, taunting me with the sharp edges of their points. I was so bitterly alone in this sea of glass, and every time I moved, every time I breathed another edge pricked my skin, causing me to bleed.

I pulled over to the side of the road.

Her face appeared again in my mind, causing me to shiver. It was the same, wasn't it? I mortified me that I couldn't remember. I could only remember words, harsh shards of glass cutting in my skin, their jagged edges breaking off and sinking deep into my body. 

Stop thinking. I need to stop thinking.

But her face- her eyes flashed through my head again. She had such beautiful eyes. But she had looked at me differently than she ever had before. She doesn't remember me. 

It isn't her. Asli is dead.

I had gone to her funeral. Even though she lived so far away. That day was burned into my mind, played over and over again until there was nothing else. My last memory of her, too.

Her eyes had looked at me with so much affection, so much love, I couldn't fathom how I even got someone like her. She was so beautiful, so perfect. That night, I hadn't wanted to say goodbye. 

We were laying on the trampoline. She always loved to do that on a chilly night, when she could press closer to me, lay her head on my chest, and watch the stars. She was beautiful in the moonlight. It lit up her angelic face, highlighting her big eyes and long eyelashes. She turned, saw me staring at her, and giggled. I loved her giggles. 

"What are you staring at?" She said with a playful smirk on her face. Her eyes were gleaming at me even in the darkness.

"Just the most beautiful girl in the world." I smiled back at her. It was true.

Stop thinking about her.

I tried shaking my head to clear my thoughts. I sighed to myself. God, I was such an asshole. I left the doppelganger- I didn't know what else to call her- all alone in my house. 

I couldn't figure it out. How could she look so much like her? Were they twins? No, Asli didn't have any siblings. So how?

I didn't know if I wanted to go back and see her yet. I couldn't bear to see those eyes again. They plagued my thoughts all the time, and now it would only get worse. There was a pull to them, the same pull that drew me to her in the first place.

God, I missed her so much. When this stranger appeared, wearing the same face that Asli had used to steal my heart, I was so dumbfounded into actually believing it was her. But deep down, I knew it wasn't. And still, I wanted with every part of my being to believe it.

But she's gone, and she's never coming back.

It hurt so much to know she was gone. I'd lost everything the night she- don't think about it- died. I knew I needed to stop mourning, and I had been trying, but now she appeared, striking the match again.

Slowly- painfully- I put the truck in drive and with shaky hands steered it off the side of the road. 

You can't just leave her at home alone. You saw the look on her face when you said you were leaving.

I thought about how she was acting at the party. 

Something happened to her. People don't act like that unless they're traumatized. And you, like an asshole, left her by herself. What is wrong with you?

God, everything.

I pulled into the driveway once again, crunching the gravel beneath the truck tires. When I opened the door, it was utterly silent. 

Is she gone?

The thought terrified me. I walked down the hallway, opened the guest bedroom door slowly to check if she was there. 

When I opened it, I noticed the dogs gathered around the bed, and then a sleeping form on the bed. I stilled, afraid I would wake her. So she is here. She didn't run away. I breathed a sigh of relief to myself.

She didn't cover herself with a blanket, so I could see her face. It was so unbelievably familiar as if I'd seen it a thousand times over. Still, I wouldn't get tired of it. I never had.

Was this not my Asli? She slept just like her, always on the right side of the bed, and always with her hands tucked under her face, her legs close to her chest. 

Something unnerved me about it. She made no sound, slept so peacefully you could assume she was dead. That was it. Asli always had snored. 

God, what was wrong with me? I was doing it again, thinking of her again. I needed to stop. This wasn't her. This wasn't my Asli.

My Asli was long gone.

Discontented, I left, trying my hardest not to make any noise that would wake her. Antheia followed me out of the room. I remembered getting Antheia from the pound, only a couple weeks old. 

Asli was the one who picked her out. She had always had a thing for rescuing dogs. I loved her for it. But then again, I loved her for everything.

Snap out of it.

Instead of going to my room, I padded into the kitchen and opened the fridge. There wasn't much in there, and I told myself I needed to go to the store. I fished out a can of soda and sat on the couch, turning on the TV. I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight.

I put something on, background noise more than anything, and laid back. Antheia jumped onto the couch, laying her head on my lap. I could only sit there, drowning in my thoughts. For the rest of the night, her voice clouded my mind like rainclouds on a perfect day.