Lost and Found

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1

I'm here

Matapos mag almusal, napagpasiyahan kong umakyat sa dating silid. My Mom built that room for me because she knows how much I love painting. The room was on the top floor of our house. Sa bawat pag akyat ko ng hagdan ay bumibigat ang pakiramdam ko. It's been a long time since I went up to this room.

The moment I finally made to the top floor of our house, my eyes instantly landed on the familliar glass door, it was my art room. There are only two rooms on this floor, my art room and a gym. Nothing has changed. Same glass walls and golden handles. Huminga ako nang malalim bago tinulak papasok ang pintuan. I spent a few minutes staring at this room and remembering how everything started from me. And how it also ended.

And I realized, I gave up so many things for the person I loved. For the person I thought that loves me for who I am. He made me gave up my passion, at akala ko tama lang 'yun dahil mahal ko naman siya. A couple of canvas hanging around the room with my painting, and boxes of oil and acrylic paintings. And there was one painting standing on the wooden easel. Nag lakad ako papalapit 'dun at huminga nang malalim.

I touched the canvas and dust instantly covered my finger. The painting was never finished. Only half of it was painted and the other part of the canvas was outlined with a pencil.

"What did I told you Aya?" His brows furrowed as he looked at me sharply. Mabilis ang kanyang pag hinga at namumula ang kanyang mukha. And I'm so scared because I know I got him mad.

"I-I'm sorry. I w-was just finishing this for you–"

"What did I told you!?" He snapped, and it made me jump a little.

Namamawis na ang mga kamay ko sa sobrang takot nang bumaba ang tingin ko sa mga ito. I tried not to cry because I know it will only make him mad even more. I played with my fingers nervously.

"To stop p-painting.. because i-it's nonsense"

Muli akong nag angat ng tingin at nakitang pinasadan ng daliri niya ang kanyang sentido at bahagya itong hinilot. I kept reminding myself that I love this man, and I don't want to upset him. It's okay Aya, he only cares for you kaya siya nagagalit.

"Pero sinuway mo ako?" giit nito. He pointed his finger at me. "This is the last time I would tell you this Aya. Ayaw ko nang makita kang ginagawa 'yan! It's nonsense at wala kang mararating kapag pinag patuloy mo 'yan! I am protecting our image! Ano nalang sasabihin nila?! Na isang painter ang girlfriend ko? It's a stupid profession!"

Every word that he said struck me. Every word he said destroyed what was left of me. My confidence and happiness. Pilit kong inintindi ang mga sinabi niya saakin kahit masakit. He only wants what's best for me kaya siguro nasabi niya ang mga 'yun diba?

In this generation that we live in, art is considered useless. They see it as something so easy to do kaya para sa iba wala lang itong kwenta. But art is more than those pieces of paper and boxes of paint. Art changed the world from what we see today. It opened the eyes of many.

Suminghap ako at muling tinignan ang painting. I was supposed to give it to him. Pero nawalan lang ako ng gana kasi alam kong hindi naman niya ito ma-appreciate. Useless.

"Sabi na makikita kita dito e."

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang marinig ko ang boses na 'yun. Lumingon ako at nakita ang kapatid ko. Her shoulder length hair swayed as she walked towards me crossing her arms.

"You don't have to snuck up on me like that" mahinahon kong sabi at binalik ang atensyon sa canvas.

"Buti naman at pumunta ka ulit dito. This room misses its painter" anito at ginala ang paningin sa kwarto.

She's wearing her office attire at mukhang paalis na rin. Unlike my sister, she's into businesses, markets, and investments. While I'm more interested in Arts. I don't know where I got it from because none of my parents are artistic nor even interested in arts. Just me.

Isang malalim na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ni Sophie. "What happened Aya?" she asked. Bumaling ako sakanya at agad akong sinalubong ng kanyang mga mata na taimtim akong pinagmamasdan.

"What happened?" balik ko

"We lost a part of you Aya" anito "We lost you. What happened? Isang taon kang dumistansya. You're not the Aya that I knew. Parang hindi na ikaw yung kapatid ko"

Kumunot ang noo ko at pinipigilan ang maluha. You're not the Aya that I knew. Sino ba ako dati? Sa totoo lang nalimutan ko na rin sa dinami-rami ng nangyari.

"If you'd only tell us what happened a year ago, we'd listen. Kahit ano pa 'yan Aya. Hindi mo naman kami kailangang ipagtabuyan" Marahang sinabi nito.

And I cried. Ni hindi ko naman nga namalayan na umiiyak na ako. I guess I became too numb because of the traumatic experience that happened to me. My sister pulled me closer and embraced me tightly. Humalik ito sa aking ulo, "I'm here"

"I lost myself ate. I lost my confidence. I lost my pride. Everything's wrong with me"

"Hush now. I'm here"

Two words. That's all that I need to hear. I'm here. Ayos na ako malaman lang na may taong nandiyan para pakinggan ako. I know building myself up again would take time. But I hope it would be soon. I want to find myself again.