Kabanata 2

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Kabanata 2

The Start

"Do you know how much I love you?" He looked at me intently, smiling. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa kamay ko at hinawakan 'yun. I smiled back, but in my head, I was trying to push myself to feel what I felt before. To feel in love. But I ended up with nothing. Just emptiness.

"I love you so much. You mean the world to me. And I'll do everything to be a perfect boyfriend. I hope you will too"

Perfect. What does it mean to be perfect? Kung perpekto ba ako, hindi niya ako iiwan? Kung perpekto ako, hindi ko na ba kailangang magsakripisyo?

"Are you okay anak?" tawag sa'kin ni Dad. "Ang lalim nanaman ng iniisip mo." aniya

Marahan akong umiling. "I'm fine Dad" sabi ko at sumimsim ng mainit na tsaa at ibinalik 'yun sa lamesa.

"I know you've been through a lot anak, kahit hindi mo sabihin. We're just not pushing you to tell us because we respect you. We move on in different ways, we heal in different times. And you're just starting to find yourself again, and we know. We'll give you space if you need it. Just know that we're here" He gave me his warmest smile. My heart instantly melted because of his gesture.

It was just a smile but it could make anyone's day. My Dad's words reassured me that he'll be always by my side. And I really need that support right now.

"I don't know where to start Dad" mahina kong sabi. Parang may nakaharang sa aking lalamunan at nakadagan sa aking dibdib at hindi makapag salita nang maayos. It hurts.

"'Wag ka lang mag madali anak. Mahaba pa naman ang panahon hindi mo kailangang mag habol." aniya "Mag umpisa ka uli. Balikan mo yung mga bagay na minahal mo noon. Create new adventures, explore the world if you like. There's a lot of things to do. Just take it slow"

"You look more feminine that way babe. Huwag mong gayahin yung iba na kung anu-ano ginagawa sa sarili" anito at pinasadan ang aking mahabang buhok.

I looked myself in the mirror as I hold a pair of scissors. He used to like my long hair and never allowed me to cut them. It would make me less feminine daw.

I guess this is where I'd start. Cutting my hair. Dati pinagtatawanan ko lang 'yung mga taong nag papagupit ng buhok matapos ang break up. Ni wala naman sa isip ko na gagawin ko 'yun ngayon. This hair just reminded me of him.

Pinag parte ko ang aking buhok at iniangat ang gunting. This is the start of something new Aya. Snip.

Muli kong tinignan ang sarili sa salamin. I actually felt lighter. Parang nabawasan ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. Dad's right, I should take things slow and do what I love.

My bathroom floor was now covered with my hair. Hindi na ako nag abala pang linisin 'yun at naligo na. Nang matapos, I went straight to my walk in closet and looked for a dress. My eyes caught a familiar red dress of mine. Nag lakad ako papalapit dun at kinuha 'yun. I smiled and admired the dress. The light was reflecting on the dress making it shine and stand out.

"You shouldn't wear those kind of clothes again Aya" he said frowning his forehead. Nakita ko pang napa higpit ang hawak niya sa manibela.

"Why? this is my style babe, wala naman mali" sabi ko.

"Everything about your outfit is wrong! Your dress is too skimpy, that's not how a woman should dress" His voice became louder, "You're my girlfriend now. Do what I say"

"Okay"

There's no one who'll stop me from wearing you now. Natawa ako. I guess this is the real me, adventurous, proud and artsy. I just ended with the wrong guy.

The dress went up above my knee with an open back and thin straps. The dress hugged my body nicely and showed my curves. I bought this from Sherri Hill and I was so happy when I got it. I partnered the dress with my silver stiletto and silver accessories. I stared at myself in the full length mirror and smiled, yep, this is me.

Lumabas na ako ng closet at kinuha ang cellphone mula sa bedside table. I dialled the person that I haven't talked to for awhile.

"Sino 'to?" sagot ng nasa kabilang linya

I chuckled, "Kinalimutan mo na agad ako?"

"I told you to call me when you want to get drunk" anito at nahalata ko agad ang tuwa sa boses nya. "Well?"

"I'm ready. Meet me in our usual place" sabi ko bago binaba ang tawag.

I took one last look at myself in the mirror before heading out of my room. And the moment I stepped out, I saw the shock of my Mom's face and also my sister. They were both watching the television in the living room and instantly stood up when they saw me. Naglakad agad papalapit saakin si Mommy at tinigna ang kabubuan ko. I chuckled.

"Your hair! Your dress! You're back!" aniya

"I'm not fully recovered yet but I'll get there" kibit balikat ko.

I heard my sister laughed. Crossing her arms on her chest and shaking her head as she walked towards me. "One year of locking yourself in your room, finally lumabas ka na rin sa lungga mo. I missed you sister"

Indeed. I missed myself too.

"I got the snacks-" hindi natuloy ni Daddy ang sasabihin nang makita ako. "Aya? is that you?" anito.

Muli akong tumango at natawa sa mga reaksyon nila. Ibinaba niya ang dala-dalang pagkain sa lamesa at lumapit saakin. His hand went up my head and touched my hair, "You look good!"

"I'm starting over again Dad, and I guess this is the start. I'll go out with Emilia tonight Dad, we'll drink a little" paalam ko

"Sure. But be home at twelve okay?"

And as I was driving on my way to our meeting place, I can't help but remember those awful memories that I have. Kapag talaga mag isa ka at tahimik, marami kang maaalala. For almost two years of being with him I did not learn anything. I stopped myself from growing and doing the things that I love to make him happy. Everything's about him. Ako lang ang naiwang sira matapos ang hiwalayan namin.

"I'm going out with Emilia tonight. Can we cancel our date night? Ang tagal na simula nang mag sama kami at makapagusap." paalam ko sakanya.

Niluluwagan niya ang kanyang neck tie nang humarap saakin. Pinuntahan ko siya sakanyang opisina para makapag paalam.

"You can talk to her over the phone."

"I know that, but I want to spend time with her. She's my friend."

"Hindi ka puwedeng umalis" he ordered.

"But why?"

"She's a bad influence. Can't you see that? Hindi ko siya gusto para sa'yo. And you'll even cancel our date for her?" giit nito.

I can feel the tension between us now. "What do you mean? She's been with me since childhood. And I met her before you, you can't just order me to stop communicating with her." Parang bigla akong sinilaban sa galit at bumilis ang aking pag hinga.

He then grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him harshly. My breath hitched because of his sudden movement. "Then break up with me"

But I didn't. And that was so stupid of me.

"Two martinis please" ani Emy, the nickname I made for her.

The place was surrounded by loud musics,  bright lights, drunk people and smoke. I crossed my legs as I sat on the stool and turned to my friend. "Been a long time, buti naisip mo na lumabas"

I chuckled, "Well I guess it's a time for a change. It took me a lot of time to heal, I'm not fully recovered from what happened but I'm happy right now"

"That's nice to hear Aya." anito at sumimsim ng kanyang inumin. "But you never told me what else happened" she said emphasizing the word else

I turned to my drink and slowly turning it around not wanting to drink from it. "It's a long story."

"And it left you traumatised," she sighed

"It did"

Lost and FoundTahanan ng mga kuwento. Tumuklas ngayon