hello there lonely one
it is so quiet in my head i'm not sure i'm all there;
(lonely person, are you?) we used to share this space
but lately i am alone. i notice you walking in your own circles
to one side, mumbling. sometimes raving, lunatic that you are,
spittle flying, rasputin/manson-eyed, staring unsmiling and fierce
locked inside that odd head of yours and following yourself in your
own intimate footsteps, marching as fast as you can
on your own to that drummer of dissonant tunes only you can hear.
i am sorry lonely one
that you are without me, being led by your preposterous prejudices
and inclement imaginings. for long i have lingered and hoped for this to pass
thinking how impossible it is that we deformed into such detached drifters,
but failing all reason, unreason is surely what it is, surreal and absurd.
it has taken me long and the road now has been narrower and steeper,
but i think i have mastered the art of letting go of who i trusted we would be
and i have stopped imagining how the bond we have is steel and stainless;
i am done being sad about being sad about being sad about that.
having lost you to you, lonely one
we are no longer connected in a way that seems singular and mystifying;
you have died a thousand deaths and been resurrected to a thousand lives-
the ghost of jesus revisiting, not to save but to mock and distort my heart;
it feels i have braved the phases of denial, anger and mourning over and over and over
without accepting acceptance once and it is time.
saying goodbye in three easy steps is how i do it best; i can see you now
dancing right out of the space where my head used to be; now i am free;
if at first you don't succeed, row, row, row your boat...
seasofme231112obsess
