CHAPTER FOUR
I laid out a pair of dark jeans and a pink tank top. After coming to the house, I have felt like I was on a different planet, opposed to just a different house and state. Sure, the climate was different too, but I have felt like EVERYTHING was different; even myself.
I began changing. I pulled my tank top over my eyes and when I could see again, I noticed Amanda standing against the wall in the corner. I opened my mouth to say something to her, but I hesitated. I saw Amanda looking at the picture; the picture that showed me a time when Amanda never had to pretend to be happy. I did wonder how much Amanda must have changed since the passing of her aunt. I sighed, putting my jeans on. I walked over to Amanda. "Are you okay, Amanda?" I half smiled at her. I really doubt she is okay. I thought to myself. She looked up at me with her big green eyes. "Yeah, I guess, " She smiled shyly, "I was just looking at a picture of my aunt and I before she died.." She handed the picture over to me. I looked at the picture, then back into her eyes. Amanda's eyes had a dullness; a plainness to them. "That's my Aunt, " She pointed to the lady on the couch, "And that's obviously me. This was taken a couple of months before she passed away..." I smiled sympathetically, handing the picture back. I said nothing, going back over to the open suitcase on my bed. I stashed it back under my bed, thinking I felt like I didn't even live in this house. I felt like this was a vactioning house; nothing permanant.
Amanda and I walked downstairs to find the people who woke up not long ago eating breakfast. Everyone was there, but only the people who just woke up were the ones eating. They smiled as we took a seat. I noticed Stephanie was the only other girl at the table who was already dressed for the day. I was sitting next to Stephanie and once we sat down, Stephanie told us about the arrangement to eat lunch with the boys. Kat suggested that we wear our best clothes (even though most of our 'best clothes' were just casual jeans and a not-ripped-up shirt). Kat was one of the only girls who was still occasionally contacted by her mother (who would take her shopping and everything when she wasn't in rehab). She was also annually given money (so she could go shopping and everything). I glanced over at Amanda, curious on what type of clothes she had brought with her. I assumed she had newer clothes since she just got sent here and all. Even the clothes she was wearing were nice! She had on a cute blue skirt and just a white t-shirt with her hair tied up in a sleek ponytail. Amanda also had a necklace on; it looked like those groovy hearts from the 70's.
I snapped out of my trance when Ms. Winnie entered the room. "Girls!" She sang, "As you know, we will be eating lunch with Mr. Gregory and the boys this afternoon. I wanted to remind you girls to be on your best behavior today! After all, it was more then generous to invite us over." With that, she smiled and left the room. "Ummmm okay?" I said. The girls giggled. That was odd...
I tried to kept up with the converstations going on at the breakfast table, but I had given up. There were probably about five converstaions going on all at once. I decided that I should just go upstairs and read or maybe write. "Well, I'll see you guys later..." I said, standing and stretching my arms. As I began walking towards the exit, Emily and Amanda chirped, "Where are you going?" Everyone stopped talking and looked at me. I stood awkwardly, feeling the eyes on me. I never did enjoy being the center of attention, especially after the last time I was. "Oh, um... I'm going to go to my room to read some." Their eyes relaxed. "Oh okay!" the girls said, almost in perfect unison. Then they continued their many conversations.
I felt funny walking up the steps. After all, Amanda was usually right next to me. It gave me a lot of time to think, I guess. It felt even weirder in the room; silently reading a book that Mary Beth had let me borrow a week ago. I was one of the more independant girls in the house, so I would love borrowing books from the girls for some reason. The books that were my own I had already read at least three times each. They were great classics, though; none of the new stuff.
I had read maybe twenty pages of the book until I got bored. I set the book down on the off-white nightstand. I stood and crouched next to my bed, pulling my suitcase out from under the bed. I popped open the latches, flipping the top up. I rummaged through my clothes and other possesions. Finally, I found it; my purple four subject notebook, and the blue pen I wouldn't go anywhere without. As I crossed the room to go to the dusty old desk in the corner, I had an idea. I threw my notebook on the desk top and pulled the desk right in front of the window, along with the creaky wooden chair. Perfect.
As I wrote, sunlight filtered onto my paper, over-coming the occasional tree on the hill slanting towards the yellow sands by the bay. Whenever I got stuck in my writing, I would glance up to look at the bay. The bay was back to it's beautiful blue color, with trashing waves that hit the beach; dragging sand into it's icy blue depths. And all the while, I sat, scribbling word after word onto my paper. I wrote out my thoughts, my ideas, my visions, my dreams. Why? Because for the first time in a long time, I had felt completely content with where I sat in life; the first time I had a true friend; the first time I could focus on the world around me, and the beauty.
I had filled many pages when Ms. Hillary came to my room. "Shay? It's almost time for lunch." I turned to face her. "Okay." I replied, standing and pushing the chair in. She began walking back downstairs before shouting, "And I would change into shorts! It's pretty hot outside!" I decided to take her advice and I changed into denim shorts before running downstairs.
