🔸a world for mundane and mindless thoughts🔸

🔸 3 🔸empty wails

Sometimes I feel like I want to die.

I want to vomit out all the words I could never say but I know that all they will ever be is bloody apologies that will never be accepted because I am nothing but a selfish human wanting the world but never giving anything back.

I am nothing but a selfish human who wants to give the world love but gives it poison instead. I wish I could vomit all these soliloquies out there but I know that they are to poisonous for the world to hear. They are nothing but pebbles on the side of the road that have no importance except to make the street stand out.

I sometimes want to die. Just to cause everyone pain but I always find 13 reasons why living would hurt them so much more. Hurt me so much more.

But pain is the only way I know that I'm alive. The feeling of the sun on my face reminds me of the love that i need to regain for myself.

I am so tired. I'm so so so tired. Yet I know that I don't want my legacy be nothing but pain. I'd rather poor the little bits of my beauty into these pages so at least they can see the person I've always tried to become.

I am so numb. I am but a sound proof box, an empty wail. An ocean with no treasure. And yet I still need to live.

Sometimes I think about how strong people are to voluntarily die. Then I think of how God would look at me and be disappointed in my decision to blow out the beautiful flame he created.

And then I think of hell.

Then I think: "Fuck that."