Not Enough Flowers to Give

An Off-put Birthday

  It was around a normal day in the Mind Palace. Everybody was in the commons relaxing, but there might've been a small distraction. Roman and Virgil were fighting over the last slice of pizza, which wasn't too uncommon, but particularly today was a tad bit unnerving because it was the day  they get their flowers. Patton, specifically, was getting angry at the yelling and name-calling. He knew Roman just wanted to start a fight for attention, it wouldn't be the first time. 

        Soon, the time came. It was Thomas's 25th birthday, on the exact day and time he was born. The flowers were given. Roman got roses, Janus got Rosemary's, Remus got lilac (which was slightly surprising), Logan got Dandelion, Patton got lilies, and Virgil got bellflowers. Thomas got a mix of them all. All the sides only got 5, with each one holding lots of emotions. Virgil had another 3 panic attacks, and so they decided to call it a night.

  That morning, it was somewhat silent. Virgil hadn't slept and felt terrible, so Roman gave him a flower. Virgil was a tad surprised, but thanked him when he grabbed it. Virgil looked like he got a full 8 hours of sleep (which we all know he didn't).  When Patton finished breakfast, the commons got to the normal volume. Remus and Janus were talking about snakes (when did Janus not?), and Logan was informing Patton on some mammal facts. Virgil started listening to Logan too, so Roman could think without feeling watched. He felt a bit less than fine, but he was the prince! He couldn't feel bad! Maybe just more tired...

    Later in the day, not exactly noon, Roman had to come up with some ideas for a new video. He headed up to his room, not exactly wanting to bother the others with him making a mess on the floor. He trudged up the stairs, almost the opposite from his normal, royal, and extravagant exits he would usually do. He plopped down onto his chair, and began sketching. He always would sketch while brainstorming, it just got him in the creative mindset. All Roman could think about now though (or for the past 6 weeks), was how much he disappointed the others, how annoying he was, how he would've been better off de-

𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘬

Roman was startled by the sudden sound, causing him to jump in his chair. He stood up and put on a smile, the smile that everybody believed was noble, and confident. All that it was happened to be was fake, and ugly, and -

𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘬

Roman jumped. He walked nervously towards the door and opened it. He saw both Logan and Janus standing there, with a stack of disney CDs and some m&ms. "You've been couped up in here for almost all day, Roman. How about you take a break?" Janus declared. He looked up at both of them, being a whole foot smaller than them, and gave a grateful smile. They all step into Roman's slightly messy room and turned on Lady and The Tramp, one of his all time favorites.

   Roman never knew why they were both there, but he was grateful. It was only a matter of time before this distraction would keep him... Y'know... distracted.

Romans thoughts swam deep near his heart, making it feel like his heart sunk from his chest to his knees. They got loud... too loud. Roman saw his vision blurring up. For what reason? He didn't know. He was busy trying to calm down the voices, telling them that they are wrong. Or was he? He couldn't tell. He felt eyes on him, but he couldn't do anything. He didn't know anything. He couldn't do anything. He was just a stupid, pathetic, ugly, fat, mista-

Roman was cut off by Logan shaking him. Was he crying? No, he couldn't have been. He is the h̶͔̬̗̱͙̞̹̔ę̴̙̓ṛ̷̢̛̫̱̉͑̂͐̔̒ŏ̴̮̮͔̠̹̫̞̓͛̏̑͘. Ȟ̵̡͓̜̖͔̟̻̞͛e̸͍̯̝͋͌̎̆̀̌r̵̛̮̀̈́͋̾o̵͉̟̹̾̏̕͝ę̸͈͔͙̅̅̕ͅś̸̢̫̲̟̮̖̥̉͗͒̕̕  aren't supposed to cry.

He didn't want to see Logan or Janus worried. That would be another thing he could count on his arm for when he was too 𝘤𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘭𝘺 to do any damage to it yet. Soon Roman had to "wake up", though.

"Roman, are you okay?" asked Janus. Both of the taller men looked worried. Roman couldn't lie, because Janus would now. God, he is c̲r̲e̲a̲t̲i̲v̲i̲t̲y̲! He should be able to make an excuse. Why is he such a mistake?!-

'Ah yes, sorry Janus. I was dazing off, didn't even notice I was crying! My apologies!" replied Roman as if nothing was wrong. It wasn't technically a lie, just not the whole truth. Which it seems both of them bought it... maybe not completely, but it's good enough for now.

After T̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶R̶o̶m̶a̶n̶'̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ Janus and Logan left, Roman stepped into his bathroom. He was such an arrogant brat, really. Looking in the mirror used to be one of his favorite things. He would do makeup, come up with new poses, and even practice scripts for the videos! Now, Roman can't look into his reflection without feeling disgusted. 

Roman counted how many things he did wrong today. He w̲o̲u̲l̲d̲ ̲N̲O̲T̲ be a coward today.  He made Virgil upset when he wasn't responding to the conversation at breakfast. He stayed in his room all day, which he thought should count as 6 (one for each other side). He had made Logan and Janus feel like they had to comfort him, 2. He made them worried about h̶̫͇̜͉̃ȋ̵͇̘̟̣̼̝͔̗͈͒͋̅̋͑̐̀̕͠m̵̡̛͕̩̝͍̤̘̖͖̭̑̆̾̏͐͌̆̚ş̴̖̱̘̪̙̈́̇͛e̶̟̣̦̞̔̓ͅl̶̜̱̤͊̑͘f̶͍͍̭̽̅̏́̑̀. Another 2.  He added 10 just to be safe. Roman didn't know, however, that he had already             started cutting. He made more than 20, maybe he made a slice for each word he said. Maybe he didn't.  

Looking in the mirror, he once again felt disgusted. He was fat, and ugly, an weak. He had to be perfect.  He should cut down on the eating. He was already ugly enough with all the extra pounds that made him less perfect.

I should just go to bed.  Roman told himself. Roman climbed into his bed, losing himself in the fluffiness of his comforter. He still thought about how disappointing he was. How useless, fat ugly, arrogant.... Roman felt himself drift to sleep. Little did Roman know that he was going to wake up for breakfast in less than an hour.