take me back in time

pancakes and confessions

"Pancakes?"
"Yup, Pancakes."
"What's that?"
Pearson eyed me with a wary expression, hands on his hips.
"Would you just trust me, Pearson? It's delicious, really."
The camp cook gave me a long up down, eyes resting on young Jack standing beside me, giving his best puppy-eyes in that moment.
"If they don't like it, I promise you; I'll never cook again."
Finally, he relented with a groan.
"Fine. What do you need?"
Jack jumped up and down in excitement, what I told him about Pancakes had made him curious and he wanted to try them badly.
I listed up the needed ingredients and Jack helped Pearson fetch them from the wagon, the cook frowning all the time.
"With that little you want to prepare an eatable meal?", he asked me stunned and I nodded.
"Watch and learn."
He did, although very skeptical.
I worked quick and without much thought, explaining to Jack and Pearson how I prepared the pastry and in which steps. It wasn't that easy without any kind of kitchen-machine at hand, but I managed somehow, my arm getting tired from all the stirring and swirling.
It was a funny sight, both of them sitting on a chair next to the table I worked on, eyebrows risen in question and awe, at least Jack did watch in awe.
"Do we have a pan?", I asked him and the Pearson nodded.
"Sure thing."
"Good, we need it."
He went to grab the huge pan, setting it on top of a small steel framework over the fire in the middle of camp.
I let the pastry sit for a while, all of us waiting for the pan to heat up enough to cook on it.
Jack babbled away about everything and nothing, entertaining us with little stories while we waited.
It was around twelve o'clock and the heat was already unbearable, most of the gang sat around somewhere in the shades of their tents or some trees, some were out on jobs currently, including Arthur.
My heart skipped a beat at the thought of him, how our last, well- night went on.
That was four days ago and we hadn't really had the chance to speak since then.
As soon as we sat foot into camp, Dutch shooed Arthur on his way to sniff around the Gray's place, Caliga Hall. And as we all know, leads him to running around for Beau and Penelope, delivering love letters and small presents, ending with him driving eager political women through Rhodes.
I saw a glimpse of him two days ago, but Molly and Uncle interrupted our possible reunion, Uncle dragging him along with Charles, Bill and Lenny, robbing that stage and spending the night trapped in the barn.
It was strange to know what he did when he wasn't in camp, either way, I lost focus and needed to get back into saving folks.
Micah wasn't back in camp right now, but alone the thought of him reminded me of the threatening danger approaching with every passing day.
I still hadn't figured out a real plan yet, but I needed to get into action sooner or later.
Arthur getting kidnapped by the O'Driscolls, Jack by the Braithwaites and Sean getting killed wasn't going to happen on my watch, no-no.
Yesterday morning Arthur came back to camp and I wanted nothing more to just throw my arms around him and get lost in the moment, but again, he was stopped before he could reach me and dragged away by Lenny, riding out to Shady Belle to get these damn guns.
He cast me an apologizing glance over his shoulder when he rode out and I smiled back at him, knowing pretty well that he was one of the most important members of this gang.
Without him, we would break down pretty quick.
After his job with Lenny, he met up with Hosea and John, ending in the Rhodes' Saloon playing poor Fenton.
I woke up in the middle of the night when he came back, the jingling sounds of his spurs traveling all the way up to me. He didn't come to my tent, though and I didn't want to bother him, so we fell asleep apart, again.
Right now, he was out with Micah, robbing that stage-coach and if I could, I would've warned him about it going south, but I didn't even had the chance to do so. I hated the thought that Micah would be back later that day, my mood already darkening a bit. That man simply gave me the creeps.
It was frustrating, to say at least. Very, very frustrating.
"I think it's ready."
Pearson tore me out of my daydreaming and I sat up straight, feeling the heat of the pan when I held my palm over it.
"Right, let's do this."
The first pancake was a disaster and Cain gladly accepted the miserable thing, munching it down without chewing. I wasn't used to cook over open flames and it was more difficult than I thought it would be, but the following ones were absolutely perfect.
I handed Jack the first eatable one, dusting it with a thin layer of sugar. Sadly, no maple sirup or chocolate-dip within sight.
Jack eyed the pancake with wide eyes, Abigail strolling over to watch over her son with an amused smile on her lips.
"Go on, try it.", she encouraged him and he did with a tiny bite, his features brightening up the moment his taste buds processed the taste.
His brown eyes went wide and he grinned from ear to ear.
"Momma, that 's so tasty!"
Abigail chuckled and reached out to get a piece for herself, but I simply handed her one for her own.
"Here."
She nodded in thanks and carefully took a bite, a surprised little moan forming in her chest.
"Wow."
With a huge triumphal grin, I turned towards Pearson.
"Told ya."
The camp cook shook his head in amusement and placed one of the pancakes on his plate, bolting it down in record time.
"M-hm."
The sweet smell and the honorable cries around camp, drew in every single member of the gang one by one, forming a line in front of the pan I was still cooking on.
They all loved them and I couldn't help the proud grin on my lips, feeding them something good and tasty.
Not like the stew Pearson provided every single day.
It was boring and nothing compared to pancakes.
"My, my. Would you look at that, Hosea. She can even cook.", Dutch boomed with his rich voice, tiny crystals of sugar still hanging in his mustache.
Hosea nodded eagerly, his mouth still full with food.
Jack was munching on his second pancake and I leaned down with a smile, patting his cheek softly.
"Did I promised too much?", I asked him and he shook his head.
"No, Miss Sophie. I could eat that every single day!"
Abigail snickered beside him, her eyes bright and full of love.
"Don't get greedy, little one."
Jack pouted. "Sorry, momma."
The pancakes were a huge success, the whole camp buzzing with satisfied laughter and high spirits, all of them thanking me for showing off something they didn't knew and now loved.
I got the feeling that it wouldn't be last time I had to make them.
After the huge amount of pastry was turned into pancakes, I put the rest down on the food-table, so that everyone could serve themselves if they wanted to.
"What 's that?"
The dark voice startled me and I jumped, turning around to find Arthur standing behind me, hands on his gun belt, head tilted to the side in interest.
"Uh, hi."
He gave me the smallest of smiles.
"Hi."
I cleared my throat, my eyes trailing up and down his body. He looked good, way too good.
Just dress him in a white shirt and black jeans and voilà, that was enough for my poor heart.
"You want one?", I asked him, pointing over my shoulder towards the plate.
He stepped closer, looking down on the table. His chest nearly touched mine and my heart picked up its pace, hammering against my ribcage.
"Sure, why not.", he drawled and I turned around quickly, picking up one of the pancakes, placing it on a new plate.
Arthur took another step forward, his strong arms caging me in as he rested his hands on either side of me on the table, his chin coming down on my shoulder, chest pressed up against my back.
I swallowed hard.
"A-Arthur. We're not alone, you know?", I nearly whispered and he chuckled into my ear.
"I know. I wanna taste.", he rasped and I gasped in response, implying much more into his statement.
"What?"
He chuckled again, dark and husky.
"That thing on the plate, Sophie. What else did ya thought I meant?"
I huffed. "Very funny, dumbass. Here."
I ripped a piece of and reached up to feed him, his lips closing around my fingers and I sucked in a breath at the sensation.
He chewed carefully, swallowing once he was finished.
"Damn, that 's delicious.", he said surprised and I grinned.
"I know. I made it."
"Heard that much."
I turned in his arms to look up at him, I needed to tilt my head backwards to even catch his eyes. He looked tired, way too tired to even stand upright.
"You good?", I asked him and he snorted.
"Splendid'."
His eyes lingered on mine, then he looked around us, watching if anybody was watching apparently, because a moment later, he dipped down to press a kiss on my wanting lips.
It was only a short one, but my body buzzed with excitement about his closeness.
"God, I missed ya.", he murmured against my ear and I nodded in agreement.
"Been here the whole time."
He chuckled humorlessly. "I know. Shit 's goin' down fer real this time. So much work, it's exhaustin'."
Arthur took a step back again, straightening up to his full height again, a smirk on his lips.
"What?", I asked confused and he smiled even wider.
"Here."
He reached out to touch my cheek, sliding his fingers down and up again, when he withdrew his hand, I could see some flour on his fingertips.
"Oh."
Arthur raised his hat and ruffled through his hair absently, sweat forming on his forehead and I watched him with a grin.
God, he sure as shit was one handsome cowboy.
"See ya later?", he suddenly said and I crooked one eyebrow at him.
"You asking me?"
He raised his hands in surrender.
"Yeah, don'I know it."
Tilly, Mary-Beth and Karen rounded the corner of the wagon chatting and babbling, stopping in their tracks the moment their eyes landed on Arthur and me standing a bit too close for normal conversation.
"Look who we got here.", Karen whistled with a devilish grin, the girls giggling like crazy.
Quickly, Arthur took another step back.
"That's my cue, see ya'll later."
With that, he grabbed his pancake in one hand, turned and nearly ran somewhere else, leaving me standing there like an idiot in front of the women.
"Why, ya two had a good time?", Karen asked me, grinning from ear to ear.
I turned in her direction, crossing my arms over my chest.
"No idea what you're talking about.", I dismissed her but she wouldn't have it.
"Don'chu gimme that now. Saw ya two sneakin' out the other day, been gone the whole night, haven't ya?"
I turned beet red, I just couldn't help it.
Mary-Beth and Tilly smiled at me in earnest, Karen still watching me like a hawk.
"He's a good man, Sophie.", Tilly said, patting my shoulder and Mary-Beth agreed with her.
"Right. You could do worse than that."
"I-It's- damn. It's complicated.", I huffed and Karen squealed.
"I knew it. Ten bucks, ladies."
We all laughed at that, even though I was a bit embarrassed that they placed a bet on my behalf.
Mary-Beth lead me towards the shore, all of us sitting down on a fallen tree, watching how the sun slowly crept over the sky.
"Why is it complicated?", Mary-Beth asked me once we sat comfortable and I sighed.
"Dunno. Hard to explain."
Tilly huffed. "Men are complicated, tell ya that. They always say women are the difficult ones, but I just don't see it."
Karen chuckled, pointing over to Sean, sitting under a tree, head lolled back against the trunk, fast asleep with his mouth hanging open.
"I cannot agree with ya more, girl."
"I still don't understand why you are sweet on him, Karen.", Tilly said with a frown and Karen snorted.
"Me neither."
Mary-Beth patted my knee slightly.
"You can tell us if you want, but you don't have to.", she simply stated and the gesture melted my heart a bit.
I smiled thankfully at her.
"I'm just afraid, I think.", I mumbled and she nodded in understanding.
"Why?"
I shrugged. "I'm not good with relationships, every man I had till now left me sooner or later. The last one dumped me for my best friend, weeks before the wedding."
All of them inhaled sharply and Karen scoffed.
"What an'asshole."
"He didn't deserve ya."
"That's cruel!"
I nodded, cheeks red.
"Yeah, I know. It hurt either way. I just have the feeling, that s-something is wrong with m-me, ya know? I just mess up every freaking time."
My voice broke and the bottled up feelings rushed down on me, making me shiver slightly.
"I'm just not capable of being in a long-term relationship."
Mary-Beth slung her arm around my shoulder and squeezed.
"I don't think so, Sophie. As far as I can tell, you are a wonderful human being and every man could be happy to be with you."
"Agreed."
"Amen to that."
I smiled weakly. "Thank you."
Karen nudged my shoulder and I turned my head to look at her, the green of her eyes sparkling in the sunlight.
"How did it happen, though?", she asked with raised eyebrows.
"What exactly?"
"Arthur?"
"Oh, well. That's a long story."
They giggled and I couldn't help the dumb smile forming on my lips.
"We got all the time in the world, honey. Grimshaw 's out with Herr Strauss, she won't be back until noon."
I sighed. "First of all, promise me to keep it to yourself, alright?"
Arthur and I still hadn't talked about our "relationship-status" and if we would handle it open or not and I wasn't found of everybody knowing right now.
Karen held out her pinkie and all of us hooked ours together, shaking our hands three times.
"Promise.", they said in unison and I inhaled deeply.
"Good, well. I think it started ways back with a little flirting here and there, nothing to scandalous, it was also hard to read, because, well, he's just Arthur- but then he had kissed me the day I sang for ya'll-"
"Wait, that was weeks ago!", Tilly interrupted and I nodded.
"Yeah. Like I said, but we both struggled a bit at the beginning. I still do, it- uh. You all know how Arthur can be-"
"Stubborn like a mule?"
"Gruff and dismissive?"
"Acting like he hasn't got a heart?"
I gaped at them with wide eyes, then I chuckled under my breath.
"That's pretty much it, yeah."
"So he played the hard to get?", Tilly asked and I shook my head.
"Nah, not exactly. It was more like; I want you, but I can't, I'm not a good man, you know?", I tried to imitate his deep voice and the girls rolled with laughter.
"Damn, he really can be stupid."
"Such a fool."
"It went on like this for a while, we even ignored each other at some point but then John-"
Karen grabbed my hand and bounced up and down on her seat.
"Don't tell me he's sweet on ya too, then I get another ten bucks from Sean!", she exclaimed and I huffed a laugh.
"Well, actually he kinda is-"
"Christ, I should go into town to play some poker, today seems to be my lucky-day!"
"Good God, Karen. Let her finish.", Tilly interjected and Karen scoffed, squeezing my hand once as an apology.
"Sorry."
"Don't mention it. Long story short; I think we're a couple now, I guess. But it's still fresh and new and we haven't talked about it yet, so please, keep it to yourselves for now."
Mary-Beth smiled widely.
"Sure thing, Sophie. But I still don't get why you are afraid?"
Tilly tilted her head and watched me with her big brown eyes.
"Yeah, like what it is? Arthur is like hitting the jackpot."
"Agreed. And 'm sure he's a goddamn helluf'a'lover in bed.", Karen added with a smirk and I nearly choked on my own spit.
"Karen!", Mary-Beth chided her, but the blonde woman simply waved her off.
"Don't tell me ya didn't want'ta know and that ya never thought about it. I mean- look at him.", she pointed over her shoulder and I let my eyes follow her line of sight, freezing in my seat once I laid eyes on him.
Arthur was currently chopping firewood facing us, shirt and hat discarded on the table behind him, his naked chest glistening with sweat in the sunlight, muscles tensing and bulging under his tanned skin with every chop he made.
My mouth went dry.
"Jesus."
"Oh, Lord."
"Told ya."
I swallowed hard.
"He definitely delivers what he sells.", I murmured under my breath without thinking about it, but they heard it and gasped simultaneously, then they roared with laughter, all of them red like a tomato.
The commotion stopped his movements and made him look up at us, giving a little confused wave when he caught us staring at him.
Even Sean woke up and shot us a baffled look, some heads turning in our direction while we laughed like maniacs.
It felt good to chat with the girls like that, but my heart also ached, ached for my best friend at home. In that moment, I missed Elena more than anything and I would kill to see her again.
Would I ever be able to see her again?
Probably not and the thought dulled my good mood a little.
Arthur caught my eyes in that moment, one eyebrow raised in question, hands propped up on the handle of the axe, a small smile on his lips.
God, I was lucky.
Very, very lucky.
I shook my head and mouthed 'later' silently and he nodded in return, tipping his missing hat with two fingers, then he continued his work.
"A shame he never showed interest in any of us.", Karen giggled beside me, still watching Arthur.
I was proud and a tiny bit jealous at the same time, that all of them eyeballed my man like a snack.
My man, Jesus.
Tilly nodded her head, then she snorted and spat out: "Damn that bitch Mary Linton."
I nearly choked again, averting my eyes from Arthur to look at her, dumbfounded.
"Amen to that. Girl broke that poor man's heart. If ya ever do that to him, I'm afraid I've to kill ya.", Karen stated bluntly and I cleared my throat awkwardly.
"Don't worry, wasn't planning on that."
"Good."
"Better be. He finally deserves some happiness."
Suddenly, Mary-Beth piped up next to me, still watching Arthur.
"It makes sense now."
We all frowned at her.
"What?"
She looked at me. "A few weeks ago, maybe the last day in Horseshoe Overlook or something like that, I had an interesting conversation with Arthur which left me so confused. He talked about doing the right thing and trying to make things better and all that- now I know why. He'd talked about you, Sophie."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I never heard him talking like that before. It was cute, should've know it had something to do with a girl.", she chuckled and that dumb smile was back on my face.
"Well-"
"Ladies."
Sean apparently had strolled over to us and stood now in front of Karen, his eyes bright and like always, full of mischief.
"Mr. MacGuire.", I greeted him with a smile and got a huge grin in return.
"Sean, the hell ya want?"
"Ah, sweetheart. Jus' wanta see ma lovel' woman.", he swaggered in his thick accent, prompting Karen to roll her eyes at him.
"Ya seen me now, get lost."
He ignored her and instead grabbed her hands in his, pulling her up and dragging her along after him, the loud bickering following after them until they vanished between the trees on the right side of the camp.
"We should get back to work.", Tilly suggested and I nodded.
"Right."
When I stood up, Mary-Beth took my right hand in hers, squeezing it and looked me dead in the eyes.
"You have no need to be afraid, Sophie. I think you two are a lovely couple and if you really want it, you two will work out just fine."
Tilly flashed me a smile and nodded in agreement.
"Exactly. And you can always come and speak with us, if you like. We're family, you know?"
I nearly began to cry and sniffled a bit.
"Thank you, really. I needed that."
"Don't we all.", Tilly responded and grabbed my other hand, pulling me along towards the lake, where the laundry was already waiting for us.