euphoria. [ rini au ]

chapter sixteen.

Nini was quiet as she led Ricky to the back of the house, finding the bathroom at the end of the hallway. They slipped inside and she waited for him to shut the door silently before opening the medicine cabinet in search of pain killers. He took a seat on the counter, holding the cabinet door open for her as the pill bottles rattled. Reading the labels, she scanned each one. Pausing with Advil in her hand, she heard him clear his throat and she peeked around the door to see his face.

"We don't have to do this now," she told him, replacing the bottle and pulling another one out. "There's no rush."

"Yes there is," he insisted, letting the door close as she shook red tablets into her palm and passed them to him. "Because I seriously want to kiss you, but I don't think I should until we talk."

"We talked last night," she said, filling a glass of water for him.

"Neens, I was smashed. I remember most of what I said - I think - but you deserve more than the drunken ramblings. What we did was as horrific as anything we could have done and I need you to know that I'm sorry." He had swallowed the pills and left the glass on the countertop. Reaching a hand to gently grip her upper arm, he tugged her into the space between his knees, grinning as she looked up. "I shouldn't have crossed your name off the list, I know that. I think I knew it the minute I did it, but I didn't want to seem so weak that I had to undo it. I should have talked to you, asked you straight to take your name down. All I had to do was ask but I felt some stupid masculine need to claim you like a prize. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right."

"Ricky-," she tried to stop him, not needing to hear any of it because it didn't matter anymore.

"No, I need to get this out. This is what I wanted to tell you last night when I was puking and then I thought you were a hallucination sent to torture me...," he sucked in a breath. "Everything I said to you this week, it doesn't matter if I meant it at the time or if it was true, I shouldn't have said them. God, Neens, I tried to staple your hand to the desk."

"Okay, that may have been a bit extreme," she admitted, biting her lip to keep her smile from spreading.

"We fight, Neens. It's what we do when we don't agree and it turns into World War Three. This has been the longest week of my life. Every moment I would be so close to just telling you to end it and then you would say or do something and the anger would be so overwhelming I would lash out. I can't do that again. I know we'll fight and disagree but I can't go another day where we act like we hate each other."

"Okay," she said simply, letting a fingertip trail down the side of his face.

"That's it?" he asked, incredulous.

"You're right," she replied, shrugging as she moved her hands to his thighs. "About everything. I knew you hated the idea of me doing the auction and I should have at least discussed it with you instead of telling myself I would deal with it later. That was selfish. And we both said things and I hated it. I hated that every word I said was meant to hurt you. That everything I did was to get a negative reaction. It's not a game anymore. I refuse to gamble with us again. We need to work on it, but it can't happen like this again. I thought I was dying, Ricky." She looked up and met his eyes. "I just want to forget about it. Everything. Pretend it's last week and just keep going."

"What do we do the next time?" he asked quietly.

"We try to talk. Even if it takes a while, we need to know not to wait so long for the other to come back. I was ready so many times and scared that if I did, you would turn me away. Yesterday when you were ignoring me, I was lost. I thought I had lost you again, forever." She stepped closer and felt his arms come around her, drawing her in.