Selfish

FIFTH CHAPTER

Everything was distracting me. From the sound of the ceiling fan to the sound of someone tapping their shoe. It irritated me to no end, but I knew I better not to lash out or anything at something so idiotic. Instead, I just bore myself by staring at my laptop for what felt like hours. It felt ridiculous, but it distracted me by daydreaming while deadpanning a blank Microsoft document.

"Sir?" A small voice rang in my head, "Excuse me, Sir Charlie?"

It took me a moment to realize that it wasn't a fairy inside my head, but instead, it was my student, Alyssa. I glance to the side to see her standing there with a piece of paper in her hands. I blink.

"Oh, yeah, what is it, Alyssa?"

She smiled back at me. She probably noticed my off-ness today, but thankfully she decided to leave it alone, "Um..." She trailed, handing her paper back to me. It was the one of the papers that I was grading earlier, "Isn't this the correct answer?"

I read the paper and look over to where she pointed with her finger. I accidentally marked it wrong... I checked it again. Nope, it wasn't the same thing I read earlier. Had I really zoned out to the point that it distracted me from marking the papers correctly? I shake my head, annoyed at myself.

"Sure. Yeah, sorry, kid." I set it down on my table and immediately rummage around my bag for a pen. After finding one, I go back to the paper and erase the corrections. I hand it back to her, muttering 'sorry' and she nods back without saying a word. I bit the inside of my cheek and scold myself.

I was letting the class do whatever they wanted today. We had nothing else to do anyway. The assignment I returned today was until the end of the week. I was surprised at how everyone finished it during the weekend. I hadn't noticed until now how everyone in this class was somewhat responsible enough to pass it early on. It was weird. Not even Sam passed his assignments to me on time.

Suddenly, I felt the urge to pee. I check on my watch and notice that it was 5 minutes unti the bell rang. I stood up and grabbed my laptop, catching the attention of the class. I clear my throat and pick up my bag as well, throwing it over my shoulder. I announce to them that I would get out first and they were allowed to leave the room when the bell rang. Some of them nodded, some of them didn't say anything, and some just ignored me.

Before finally closing the door, I catch someone whisper under their breath the word 'faggot', followed by someone shushing them. I ignore it and finally the door closed. I couldn't help but stand there for a little while to listen in on the class.

"What the hell, Richard? Sam is going to kill you." One of my students whose voice I could recoginze--Samantha, hissed at him.

"Oh, why, am I not to allowed to say one word? You guys are overreacting."

"You do realize how much impact that word has to gay people right? So shut up, already." Another student hushes.

"You guys just leave Richard alone, its just a word." Another student defends Richard.

"Yeah, fuck you. You guys are too sensitive--"

RIIIING RIIING

I quickly hear chairs shuffling inside and my eyes widen. I waste no time to briskly walk away from the classroom and down another hallway. Walking by a room, Shaylah comes out with her smile plastered on. She notices me and waves me over while some students walk out of the room. She notices the dismay on my face and scrunches her face.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" She asks. I don't reply to her because as soon as she asked, Richard—my student, passes by. He catches us and looked at me. He showed no emotion at all and kept on walking. Although almost all of the students here were accepting—considering we were proudly LGBT-friendly, not everyone was understanding. I knew it wasn't their fault, though. I know very well that they're growing up in a very toxic home. All I could do was to offer my help, and none of them ever came up to me.

"It's nothing." I shake my head and we start walking back to the faculty room.

I even almost forgot that I needed to pee. A few students greet us while we walk to the faculty room and we politely waved back. Thank god everyone was nice here. As soon as we were inside, I excuse myself and go to the faculty bathroom. After I finished peeing, Shaylah was already waiting by the door.

"Alright, something is wrong." She points out.

"Yeah, no shit." I sigh and she pats my back. We walk back to my table and set up my lunch while she had some salad in her tupperware. We ate silently for a while before she finally cleared her throat and I realized that I was just pushing the rice around.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" She asks.

I look away, then looked back at her. What would she even say if I told her? Only one way to find out. "I... I caught Timothy sleeping with—"

She gasps rather loudly and almost spills her salad over. I glare at her because some of our coworkers were starting to notice us. I hush her and she calms back down.

"No, he did not." She whispers to me, her eyes wide.

"It was with a woman."

This time, she gasps even louder and holds out her palm. She walks over to her table and grabs her chair then drags it over to me to sit down.

She takes another bite of her greens, "Are you serious?!"

"Yes," I whisper back.

She slowly shakes her head in disappointment. She looks even more pissed than I was. I chuckle and she stares back.

"How did you catch them?"

"They were on the bed, obviously." I respond back, feeling a bit sour on my tongue.

It strained my heart remembering what happened yesterday. It felt unreal, like it hadn't happened at all. She realizes what she said and grabbed my palm and apologized. I brush her off and told her it was nothing. I then start telling her what happened and how Timothy swore that it was just a misunderstanding. She curses him out while I explain the scene.

"Do you believe him?" She asks.

I look at her. I was hesitating. Would I believe Timothy? After all the years we'd been together? "I don't know."

She doesn't respond. We stay silent for a moment while I finally start eating my packed lunch. Minutes pass and we both finish eating our food.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I'm just going to wait."

"Wait, what does Sam think about the situation—"

"He doesn't know." I tell her.

She blinks, "What? Why?"

I agree with her, but I really didn't want to ruin Nathan's life right now. I did not want to hurt my son and make him feel bad for something that he didn't even do. "I don't want to make him feel burdened."

"Girl," She replies.

"I know."

RIING RIING

"That's our cue." I say.

She nods, "We'll talk again later."

"Sure."