Primal Desires

Chapter 3

Dimitri's POV

After tossing and turning all night, I finally managed to fall asleep. It felt weird to be sleeping in our bed again after the numerous consecutive nights of sleeping on the sofa. And to make matters worse, the little amount of sleep I did manage was filled – unsurprisingly – with images of the things I wanted to forget. I was beginning to become seriously frustrated. It was true that I had made good progress since I was rescued from that monstrous state, especially with everything that happened while Rose and I were on the run, and with what happened after. So it was frustrating to me that all my progress seemed to be being thrown out the window. I know I hadn't been in control when I committed all those sins, I know it hadn't been the man I am now. But every time I looked at Rose I couldn't help but feel guilty at what I had made her suffer through.

The next morning when I woke up from my broken sleep, I went to check on Rose before getting ready for the day. Unsurprisingly, she was still sleeping softly on our sofa. Luckily, it was a day off work for the both of us so she'd be able to sleep off her inevitable hangover. I stood staring at her for a moment, captivated by her beauty like I so often was. Even when sleeping and probably feeling rough as all hell after last night's antics, she was still breath-taking. Her thick, dark hair had fallen in front of her face slightly, but I could still see her long eyelashes resting on her olive-skinned cheeks as she slept. She was mesmerising. I could not believe how lucky I was to have someone as perfect as her in my life. And yet, I was throwing it all away because of my own selfish hold up.

Adrian's final words to me last night were still echoing inside my head. "Get your shit together Belikov. She's hurting."

I knew Adrian still held some resentment towards me for taking Rose away from him. He loved her, and in the end she has chosen me. I knew that, ultimately, he just wanted her to be happy even if it meant he couldn't be with her. And right now he could tell she wasn't happy, which meant he wasn't happy either. Everyone around me seemed to be becoming more and more miserable with me in their lives. I just seemed to exude misery and pain.

Sighing and turning away from the angel sleeping in front of me, I headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day ahead of me. I had no real plans anymore – Rose and I usually spent the day together when we both didn't have to work, but I guess that wasn't an option after our argument, and seeing as now Rose was still passed out on the sofa. She probably would be for the rest of the day due to how drunk she was last night.

"Get your shit together Belikov. She's hurting."

Just like Adrian, I wanted more than anything for Rose to be happy. But could she really find that happiness with someone like me? Would she finally realise later on down the line that what I had done to her was unforgivable, and then resent me for what I had put her through?

After I had showered and brushed my teeth, I made my way back to the bedroom to get dressed, stealing a look towards Rose as I passed - she was still sleeping. I decided I would head over to the court gyms and work out for a bit to clear my head and try and think about what I could do to make things better for Rose. I quickly wrote a note to tell Rose where I was in case she woke up while I was out and left, shutting the door behind me quietly. Would she even care where I was? Would she still be upset with me after what I had said to her?

"She's hurting."

Yes, she probably, no definitely, would be mad.

***

After running laps around the field adjacent to the gym, I headed inside to carry out some weight training before practising some moves with the punching bags. It felt good to clear my mind for a little while and focus on my exercising. The adrenaline rush I felt when training always made me feel better when something was bothering me. Unfortunately, it didn't help me to find a solution for my problems with Rose.