Primal Desires

Chapter 30

Rose's POV – 3 weeks later.

So much had changed in the last few weeks. After pushing myself to open up to Dimitri, and then taking that even further and seeing my friends, I was finally starting to feel more like myself again. I was happier, I was eating more, I wasn't as jumpy... After everything that had happened, I was initially numb. I was broken. I wasn't me.

I had isolated myself from the group of people I loved most in this world, and while at first I thought that was what was best for me – and them – I eventually realised that I needed them more than anything. Opening up to them finally had enabled me to start moving on from what happened, and as each day passed I felt my anxiety and my fear fade away. I knew that Nathan was still out there, and I was definitely still affected by what he put me through, but I was determined to not let him continue to have this grasp on my life. I didn't want to be afraid anymore – it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that because of him I resented myself and just felt awful. It wasn't fair that because of him, I pushed my friends away because I felt afraid, or because I felt as though they judged me for what happened.

It had been over a month since I escaped Nathan's clutches and we were still no closer to locating him. I knew that he would come for me again, but with my newfound bravery, and Dimitri's determination to protect me, I knew I would be safe.

Another welcome change had been that Dimitri and I were sleeping in the same bed again, and waking up beside him each morning was pure bliss. It had definitely been scary at first, and I often woke up disoriented and afraid – my mind instantly assuming that the presence in the bed next to me was Nathan and not the love of my life. But eventually my mind seemed to catch up to me and remember that, actually, I was safe. I wasn't in that awful prison anymore – I was home, with Dimitri by my side.

I woke up this particular morning to find Dimitri on the other side of the bedroom, getting ready to leave for his shift with Christian. I still hadn't gone back to my own Guardian duties, with Lissa instructing me to 'take all the time I need', but I knew I couldn't avoid it forever and despite her protests, Lissa needed me by her side. Even after everything, they come first. Especially since it was getting nearer and nearer to the end of the Moroi magic campaign – the final vote was only a week away. I would have to go back soon.

I felt a mixture of longing and nervousness at the prospect of returning as Lissa's guardian. It was what I was born to do, and it felt strange not carrying out my duties – even if my reasoning was valid. But as the Queen's head guardian and being, well, Rose Hathaway, people always knew who I was. And they would have definitely noticed that I hadn't been around.

Did they know what had happened? Did they know where I was? Did they think I had voluntarily left, sauntering away from my duties to become a Blood Whore? The thoughts were overwhelming. While I usually wouldn't care what people thought about me, considering the amount of rumours and unkind words that floated around the halls of St. Vladimir's, for some reason I felt a sense of unease about what they would be thinking about me now.

With a heavy sigh, I turned my attention back to the gorgeous man dressing in front of me, plastering a content smile on my face as I lay in our bed. Once he slipped on his last shoe and holstered his stake, Dimitri met my eyes and smiled, walking over in my direction to say goodbye.

"I'll be back later, Roza," he said, leaning down to plant a kiss on my forehead. I leant into his touch, feeling a sense of warmth and love course through my body. "Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine," I replied with a nod.

Dimitri smiled and reached out to brush my hair out of my face, hooking it back behind my ear. "I thought it might be nice if I cook us a nice meal later? Would that be okay?"