Primal Desires

Chapter 27

Rose's POV –Five days later.

As much as I wanted it to, things with Dimitri hadn't got any better. Adrian and Lissa had helped me to see that I needed to let Dimitri in, needed to let him help me, but I just couldn't seem to let my guard down around him.

After the – incident – at the gym, I planned to speak to Dimitri as soon as I got home. Lissa had managed to sneak back home undetected (somehow), and Adrian walked me home before I told him to head back to his place; if I was going to take this step, I needed to push myself to do it without him.

When I walked in through the door, I saw that Dimitri hadn't moved from his spot on the sofa, but he looked up at me and smiled as I made my way over to him. I planned to open up to him, I really did, but when I went to say what I planned to say, no words came out. I ended up standing there, staring at him with my mouth open like some kind of awkward, gaping fish.

He had a quizzical look on his face, and when he asked what was wrong, I simply turned away and scurried back to the bedroom as quick as I could, cursing myself the whole way.

Why couldn't I just talk to him?

After all, I loved him with everything that I had, even if I couldn't show it, and I wanted things to go back to normal. I didn't want to be afraid around him, or constantly worrying whether or not he still loved me. I wanted us to be 'us' again.

But despite my newfound outlook on things, and my desire to open up to him, Dimitri and I hadn't said two words to each other. Well, I hadn't at least. Dimitri would check on me, asking me if he could get me anything, asking me if I wanted to talk, but each time I just shook my head, unable to speak actual words. I guess the head shake was progress though...

Thankfully, my dreams hadn't returned and Adrian hadn't needed to rush over to comfort me in the middle of the night. I knew he wanted to help me, but I could also see his frustration and I knew that him being here was hard for Dimitri. Neither of them would admit it, but I knew that they both wanted Adrian to move back home. As much as I took comfort with Adrian being there, and how safe I felt in his presence, I knew that if I wanted to move on from everything and start taking steps in the right direction, I needed to eradicate my dependence on him.

So I did.

He would still check in, of course, but at least now I didn't feel the need to be around him twenty-four-seven.

While I'd still not dared to leave the apartment by myself yet, I'd managed to venture out of the bedroom a few times instead of locking myself away – albeit when Dimitri was working and he wasn't at home. Of course, before, I'd been able to leave the bedroom occasionally to use the bathroom, but up until now I hadn't stayed out of the bedroom.

***

It had been five days since I went to the gym, and it was really starting to bother me that I hadn't made progress with Dimitri. So much so that I'd barely managed any sleep in the night, tossing and turning, and before I knew it, moonlight came peering in through the curtains once more. I was exhausted, and that was only adding to my feelings of fear, annoyance at myself and frustration at the situation.

This morning in particular, I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day and sleep, to just lock myself away, but judging by its earthquake-inducing rumble, my stomach had other plans. Plans that involved breakfast - preferably something doughy, sweet and covered in chocolate. Unfortunately, that meant vacating the apartment and forcing myself to walk to the bakery, so I knew I would need to settle for whatever I could find in the kitchen.